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It would be great to get some advice?


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Hey guys

 

So here is the thing, I recently got out of a really uncomfortable relationship, were me and my ex broke up around hmmm you can say 4 times? (I really lost count) and every time we break up it is because of the same reason, out of nowhere he suddenly disappears, doesn't reply to my texts or picks my calls, just like that

He doesn't do it out of nowhere though usually it's because I said something that "upset him" other times it was because his phone got stolen, other times because there was no network...etc

While I forgive him over and over again I feel like I'm losing apart of my self value and I just feel walked all over

Anyway, last summer he disappeared and woul not reply to any of my messages (not even on facebook even though he was on FB that time) so I left him, I went through hell to forget the relationship, 3 months later guess what he comes back telling me he wants me and misses me and that he's changed, I believed him and he was changed he was much more caring, fast forward 5 months, out of nowhere he is gone, AGAIN! And he would not reply to me on BBM (which were the most painful days of my life, texting him with no reply even though I know he sees my messages)

One day he finally showed up and told me he can't do our relationship because anymore, reason is "he feels something in the future will happen and will mess it up" I just accepted it, cried the hell out my life and worked so hard towards moving on, everyday was so hard to go through. Now fast forward a month, and he starts talking to me being all friendly and nice and showing me he cares, I really didn't know if I wanted to befriend him but I just went with the flow (I really wasn't over him, he was the first person I ever fell inlove with, before him I felt like I'd never fall inlove) so anyway we became friends until one day he told me he's inlove with me and he wants me back at that time he was like my addiction I just could NOT say no to him even though I knew his history and knew I couldn't trust him and knew there's a chance he'd break my heart, anyway by now you would have guessed it, yep after a month of the relationship he cut off contact just like that, he left me for a week wondering where he is and what the hell is up! (it was so hard because we used to talk from day to night everyday, now all of a sudden he' gone I have no idea why) he then told me that "we" tried to make this relationship work but it just wouldn't work. (which was BS because he never tried! And if he had tried we'd still be together).

So here I am two and a half months NC, goign through the experience all over again, I fell once, gathered my strengh and picked myself up, the second time I did the same, the third time it's just toooo too hard, I don't know if I can do it.

 

My question to you guys is if he came back (like he always does) what am i supposed to do? I litrally live in fear being afraid he'd come talk to me again because I don't trust myself, I'd go back to him because I'm/was too inlove with him that I was blinded. I don't want to go back to that drama I've had enough, I'm only 20 years old and I feel like I've been through the worst pain ever!

In a few months college will start again and him and I both go to the same college, the thought of it freaks me out, I don't want to be anywhere near him, any advice would be helpful and sorry for making this a long boring thread there was just so much to say

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However I have to add, when we are together he's a good guy, he was never mean and he WAS caring and nice, so you can see how hard it was for me to see so much from him I never knew he was capable of hurting me that much! He was always the nice sweet boy, I guess that's all fake, it was just so hard to see one side and then be suddenly be struck by the other side, very exhausting very uncomfortable

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The best way to get over someone is to get with someone new You guys may be going to the same college, but you will meet all kinds of different people. Hopefully some new guys catch your eye so that the next time he comes back, you'll be ready to tell him to go to hell. How he has treated you just isn't right and you deserve better.

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I recommend just giving yourself time. Write down on a piece of paper maybe how many days you are going to give yourself to think things through and heal - no matter what. You could set it at a month or two?

 

When he tries to win you back, read over that paper. Tell him that you would like to revisit the conversation in X amount of time.

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The simple answer is, he does this because he can. He knows he can come and go from your life whenever he feels like it, and you're allowing him to do this. This is not how a "good guy" would treat someone whom he cares for, and loves.

 

I think by standing up for yourself, and getting your self respect back on track, will help you in moving forward. You can do better.

 

Take care...

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