fernas healing journal. title: im just human

[ferna3069]

well its been three months since the break up and there is times i still get that shaky feeling of pain and anger. i been doing better compared to when i first signed up. i whent from hitting rock bottom ,literly going into a depression. to feeling like im a person agian. when i first came on here i thought that i ruined everything. i felt like i was a horrible person. i thought that getting angry at some of the things that i was angry over was not normal. i thought that my ex was justified on the things she did and that i should of never got mad about it.im coming to terms that im only human. not many people would stay calm while the person there with treats them bad at times. im not saying that my relationship was completely bad. it was a loving relationship like no other . for the the most part. we where there for each other all the time.helped each other out. there was just times where i felt like i had to speak my mind and i did it. this journal is my venting journal at the same time its for people to understand why i feel the way i did. for any trolls that dont like it then stop readin. yeah in the beggining i wanted validation to getting mad at things because i wasnt sure if i over reacted, because i felt like i was that crazy bf and that i needed to change the person i am. but im starting to see more and more.im posting this first post because i think it led up to more

 

im going to start this journal with the first fight my ex and i ever had and continue it from there. my ex during this time was living with her dad .she went with her family to to another state to go to this meeting kind of thing where christian singers meet and go out to get known. well her dad did not like me . reason for that was because we met online.when her dad first found out he threatend and told me that he was going to report me as a terrorist. well when this first happened her dad made my ex delete me off everything. myspace yahoo everything. we started talking in secret which brings me back to the story. so during the time shes over there we talk in secret.one day i call her and her uncle sees my ex gfs phone and says outloud whose (my name here) . well her family did not know about me. the only people who knew was her dad and step mom. and of course her mom.well when they find out drama starts agian. they get her intruble. they check up on her every minute of the day.well when my ex gets back from her trip she tells me some of the things that happened,one quick thing when my ex was living in her dads house she was treated real bad. her step mom would hide food from her . she would treat her like a slave. she was treated bad. well when she told me that her dad tried to abuse of her agian i got mad . her dad told her that if she wants forgivness to take of her cloth off. well this is the first tme we got into a argument. because i was tired of the way she was been treated and her dad trying to take advantage of her did not help. so i told her that if she truly loves me she would move to where shes happy.that it does not matter at the end if we talk or not as long as shes happy. well she starts crying and we start to argue. i told her that if shes happy to be there to stay there. but she has to be where she knows she would be her happiest. it can be at her moms house or grandmas house. it wasnt really that i was trying to pressure her but i was tired of her getting mistreated.after her scraming at me because she was so stressed out she did it. after that she always told me that if it wasnt for me she wouldnt be where shes at right now. she would of never had the courage to move in with her mom.

[DN]

Moderator Note: moved to journals section.