lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 this is just kind of an update from my last post.... he has moved out of my house and in to his new place now. and i havent seen him in two weeks which is a lot since we spent everyday together and never missed a day in our whole relationship. his ex and son moved in with him a week ago yesterday. he called me last wednesday and told me how they have already had three rather large arguments. and he says he feels distanced from her like she doesnt want to be there. and kept telling me how crappy his life is now but i kept telling him that it wasnt fair to anyone if he wasnt gonna give her 100%. and that maybe if he hung in there things would get better. he then messaged me yesterday saying things still arent better. and he knows im obviously not happy with things the way they are but went on to tell me how proud he is of me for how i am treating the situation and that im still his best friend and he misses me a ridiculous amount. so much that he asked me if i would hang out with him this week. i told him he should try to do stuff with her but he went on to say how hes tried but since they moved to a new city they didnt know anyone for a sitter and he doesnt have money for it either. i would feel super bad hanging out with him when she is sitting at home with their son but god knows i would kill to spend a day with him. i miss him so much it hurts. i really dont know what to do. one of their arguments was him telling her he would still be hanging out with me every now and then and going to my brothers boat races every week with my mom. which hasnt happened yet. but after all this has happened i told him i just thought we should wait to hang out until they decided to break up if that were to happen. cause i know i would hate it if i was her. he then said he doesnt know what the future holds and that he wasnt gonna promise anything. which to me is kinda a given but him saying it just got to me and i kinda have lost hope. like i said before though this isnt a surprise everyone that knows the situation says they wont work they just arent meant to be together they spend more time fighting then eating. even in the beginning of their marriage. so im just lost i know there is something he isnt telling me because it just doesnt feel right. and i guess i know when hes hiding something. hes always 100% honest with me so its easy to tell when hes uneasy. Link to comment
endy Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Exactly why are you talking to this man and letting him confide in you emotionally? You cheated and he cheated. He IS married. Of course his marriage is probably not going to work out. Neither is your relationship if you continue to contact him. Honestly I don't see it working out either way, because obviously he has issues. Obviously he needs to grow and change as a person. It's not your place to talk to this man because he is trying to work things out with his wife. Obviously he has a lot more issues than that. He's still talking to you, while he is MARRIED. Have some self respect for yourself and stop contacting him. He's garbage. This is in no way healthy for anyone in this love triangle. You need to seriously put yourself in her situation. How is this fair to his WIFE? Obviously you don't care or you wouldn't be talking to him still. This is not healthy behavior. I understand you're going through a period of detachment here, but you really need to respect their MARRIAGE and his CHILD. Not your four month relationship. I think maybe you should take a look deeply inside yourself and realize what it is you're doing right now. Karma... that's all I'm going to say. Also is your self worth that low? This is something you need to work on. If you don't believe in yourself, and believe you deserve better than a married man, who actively cheated on his wife with you... Then there's an issue there. HE cheated with you. HE will cheat on you. Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, I understand you are hurt. This is just very black and white to me. IMO you should try to see it that way too. You took a risk, and a foolish one at that. Learn from it, and know that you deserve someone morally better than him. Link to comment
lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 no one cheated on anyone... when i met him they were separated she knew about me the whole time. she also knew he was still living with me for a week after we broke up... and obviously she knows hes still talking to me... her and i talk once in a while too. i mean you can look at the situation anyway you would like but everyone actually included in the situation knows no one cheated on anyone.. thats one thing i love about him he is open and honest to everyone about everything. probably a little too honest at times. i have no problem with my self worth and i have plenty of self respect. so that really is not the problem.. the problem here is timing. the timing is ridiculously crappy. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Between bouncing back and forth between you and his wife, it sounds like this guy has a good thing going for himself. I fail to see where "him being "honest" fits in here. It seems to me that an honest man wouldn't play the field, and mess with someone's emotions while he's still legally married. He's not considered single until the divorce papers are finalized. Link to comment
lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 i wouldnt say hes playing the field, he does admit he doesnt know what he wants right now and thats fine. im not sure that i even want to be with him, yes i love him to death but being with another guy is starting to not seem like the end of the world anymore. im sorry if it seems like im snapping back at people who are giving my their honest advice but its frustrating cause i think that im missing information since every since person in my life that i talk to says it will be fine and we will be together again and be happy. but then i come on here and every single person says forget about him and makes it seem like the whole situation is so wrong. when i know it definitely isnt. he is doing the right thing. we have to keep in mind here he rushed into things with her they were married before being together six months and he was only 19. he is still only 22 now. i think his main problem is he wants so bad to have someone who loves him that cant turn their back on him and leave like both of his parents and grandparents did. he was on his own since he was 13. so he grew up fast but not when it comes to relationships with anyone hes just starting to learn that part. Link to comment
foolforlove Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 People here are not your friends, they dont know him or you, so the advice they give is based on their experiences and opinions. Friends and family have a view of things that you have given them. While I think many folks offering advice on this forum are full of themselves, and preach the same thing time and again, with their jaded view because someone broke thier heart, like any unproffessional advice, you should take it with a grain of salt, and take a second to think about what they say/see, as it might actually make you step back from the situation and look at it from all angles, and to consider things you may be to confused to look at on your own. I know little of this situation, but your resonses on this tread thus far make it seem that you all are young, that everyone needs to do some maturing. You are justifying his actions and choices, and it seems you are falling into the trap of 'i'm the one for him, he just doesnt know it.' 'im the one that is going to save him from himself and his fears' Honey, its a tough lesson, but noone can save another when it comes to emotions and affairs of the heart, we have to make our own way toward a happy soul and with a happy soul comes happy healthy relationships. Seems to me he is not happy and needs to find his answers on his own. Link to comment
lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 and i think that is exactly what he is doing. and thank you, youve made me feel quite a bit better about the situation. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I thought he was much older than 22. Can I ask your age? Link to comment
lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 I thought he was much older than 22. Can I ask your age? I'm 20, she's 24. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I'm 20, she's 24. I'm confused, I thought he was 22? we have to keep in mind here he rushed into things with her they were married before being together six months and he was only 19. he is still only 22 Link to comment
lostinwhattodo Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 I'm confused, I thought he was 22? he is 22. his ex is 24. Link to comment
endy Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 no one cheated on anyone... when i met him they were separated she knew about me the whole time. she also knew he was still living with me for a week after we broke up... and obviously she knows hes still talking to me... her and i talk once in a while too. i mean you can look at the situation anyway you would like but everyone actually included in the situation knows no one cheated on anyone.. thats one thing i love about him he is open and honest to everyone about everything. probably a little too honest at times. i have no problem with my self worth and i have plenty of self respect. so that really is not the problem.. the problem here is timing. the timing is ridiculously crappy. The timing of what? What does that matter? You made a choice to get with someone who IS still married. It doesn't matter if they were seperated or not. Why interfere with their issue? Ok so he didn't cheat. She knew about you the whole time? He went from one relationship to the next. For your own sake, this person has a ton of growing to do. It's not healthy to jump from relationship to relationship. Stop waiting around for him and move on IMO. People rarely change their behavior. You are going to get what happened in his past usually. How he treated her is how he will most likely treat you. With that said why would you want to wait? If you have so much self worth and respect than why are you involved still with someone who is trying to work out their marriage? You have no boundaries, I understand you're heart broken. But how is it acceptable for him to go back to his wife and YOU still be there for him? Why are you still making yourself available? He chose his wife, now for your own sake, stay clear or he's going to be able to walk all over you forever. If you don't cut contact it's going to be bad for YOU, their relationship, and him IMO. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 As a side note, everyone is so young! Too young for marriage. Link to comment
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