Asking for Dominance

[Smashidin]

Hello Everyone,

 

I'm new to the forums.

 

I've taken the time to talk to friends try to understand my position and relate my self to grow better in wisdom.

 

So I've been dating this girl for 3 months and a bit months now, from my background i have the whole gentlemen aspect, flowers, kindness, sensible and sensitive as well looking for less of these and pretty much put her before i put myself, I know it's a big no no and lately i have been putting my self number one for a while so i can focus on me but always think about her as well.

 

After discussion tonight she wants me to be more dominate she doesn't like this responsibility and rather be submissive in the relationship, With experience of the last 2 relationships i was submissive and the other was dominate, Trying to act this way i am not silly but it's trying to get a mind set for it as in "How" can i do this without overstepping my boundaries, i always appreciate her input communication, she always makes me laugh all the time without trying, I am thinking as in Decisions stuff like that with out in the way "Just because she said this" "No it's my way" I'm not like that i like hearing what she wants to. I am a very laid back person and pretty much drift which way the wind blows or if it has to be made we do it together.

 

Is she craving for direction perhaps? I know she can be indecisive her self not knowing what she wants sometimes, I'm 26 she's 21 and i am curious if i should take that lead, I just don't understand how can i assert my self without hurting our current relationship, i have a lot of feelings for her as she is smart, have goals and both have a life outside of ours so we create a balance and give each other space when possible.

 

I want to apply my self not just for her but for me as i want to continue my journey with her, perhaps some examples or help in the right direction please

 

Thank you.

[scarlett27]

why on earth would u change who u are to fit in with someone you have known for a matter of weeks ? come on please x

[RedDress]

I don't think this is the right relationship for you. Relationship compatibility is about a lot of things... a big one is about having the same views on what a relationship IS.

 

You want to be in an equal (bordering on woman-dominant) relationship. You want both parties to give input. You want... well... democracy! You even say stuff like you don't want to "overstep boundaries" and that you like to receive input and communication.

 

What she wants is... well... a dictatorship. She doesn't want to give input. She wants you to tell her how it's going to be and to simply protest if she doesn't like it. She wants YOU to choose all the restaurants (without asking her input). She wants YOU to make all the decisions. She doesn't want to provide input and communication.

 

I don't think either of you will be satisfied with this relationship. If you try to be more dominant when you aren't, well... it feels like you are dating yourself. If she tries to be less submissive than she is... well... she is going to feel tired, like she always has to lead or work at the relationship.

 

This is one of those basic things that just have to 'click'. (Another one is frequency of sex - that's only negotiable to a degree). I don't think you should fight this one... it will leave you both unsatisfied... but... yanno... you can try. Just stop asking for her input on stuff. My bet is that you aren't going to like it, though...

[Smashidin]

We get on well enough, she puts in her 2 cents as we both do communicate and to insert dominance i was curious how i can bring that accross, I know it's a short time i want to continue i just want some guidance, I have taken on leadership roles before in different events of my own life and seeking out knowledge how i can apply this in a relationship would be beneficial for me at this point.

[Smashidin]

Yer she's an idoit, we broke up, good riddens.