NC timeframes/thresholds....for the dumpers side...

[hausser]

For example, I have heard it said that if you haven't heard anything for two weeks then chances are it will be many months before you do if at all?

 

Also is NC the best way of reconcilliation? I have read a few posts now that disagree and speaking from my own experience when I dumped my ex, after around a month to six weeks and certainly by the second month I was GLAD to hear from her. In other words is it worth treading the water so to speak after say a month or two of NC?

[hausser]

My name on censor or something?

[doiiiieeezie]

I am not a follower of NC. I do believe that you stop talking to someone because at least one side has decided to leave, and they don't wish to discuss why or how it happened, it simply was the decision made in their own minds.

 

Now having said that, there is no time frame. The ex that brought me here 2 years ago and I did not really talk to each other for 6 weeks, and I had contacted him, which ended up badly in the first place. He came back 5 months later after a period of silence, space, occasional long emails. The "ex" now and I have been talking more I believe since the so called "break" and it's been 2 weeks. If I am to read the stories on here and the situation about GIGS, I can pretty much say that any plan I have will be bound to fail. However, I'm going with my gut and also his responses based on my actions. I let him contact me most of the time, and I try and bite my tongue so far on a lot of things being said and done.

 

What I am trying to say is take advice from here with a grain of salt and follow your own mind/heart. How did you interact with your ex in the beginning, when the relationship was in it's birth stage?

[hausser]

Yeah thanks doi, that's what I was trying to get at. Umm it was rocky at first, we are both kind of proud people in the sense of being stubborn I suppose, it definatley wasnt love at first sight and there a few bumps until we both became comfortable as a couple. I know she feels guilty as hell about leaving the dog, but cos I acted like a needy jerk when I realise she wasnt running back, she is associating the dog with me giving her ulitmatums, which I did unfortunatley. I do honestly think we have a chance at reconcilliation simply because I am her first love and we were best friends. I just think I need to make some major lifestyle changes (financially essentially).

[hausser]

BTW reading your blog now, some great stuff on there.

[doiiiieeezie]

Thanks... I just need to touch on your last point of you changing financially. I was acting listening to a video today in which a man had been with a woman for years and all of sudden, she dumps him for someone else. Instead of changing for himself, he tried to become the man that she had attached herself to. In the end, he didnt get her back because he was no longer the person she fell for, but the one he thought she was attracted to.

 

Change does come within, and if there were issues that made the relationship fall, then you work on them or leave. Now after time and reflection, change will happen. At that time, only you and her can determine if reconciliation is good for you both.