Venting - hurt, confused, lost :-(

[XButtonsx]

Hi Everyone,

Just came on here to vent.

Feel like i have lost all self respect since my ex broke up with me and i just cant seem to get back to the happy person i once was.

We were together for over a year, he was the love of my life. It started out amazing. Early on he told me he had depression and that he hated himself. He could still carry on as normal. I noticed he would get angry/moody over little things and cause alot of fights but generally we were happy. After 6 months he broke up with me out of nowhere said he didnt love me or want to be with me etc. But after 7 weeks he came back and we got back together before xmas, again it was amazing and once after new years he broke up with me again. This time after 7 weeks i contacted him and we met up and got back together. It was great until recently he broke up with me a third time says he doesnt love me or want to be with me. I noticed prior to the break up he said he hated life and nothing made him happy. Told me that he has googled how to kill himself. I found it hard to deal with coz only me n his mom knew of his depression. He is still going out and acting happy as larry to all his friends. None of them know. I was really heartbroken so no contact was hard and yes i did the ultimate no-no i begged him to get back to me etc. He has said horrible things to me like that i made him depressed and am the worst thing that ever happened to him. I was constantly walking on eggshells. I tried to give him space and i contact him every week to see if he is ok and how he is doing. So i text him on tuesday n he wb n stuff and said he thought he was bipolar coz once day he is happy but the next he is not and that he aint ever gonna be happy properly but last night i asked if he wanted to meet up in couple of week when he coming near where i live for the weekend (long distance relationship) and he said no and got angry at me for asking saying i never listen and that he never ever wants to meet up with me again and that he doesnt miss me at all and to leave him alone that i am being a stalker. He also gave me mixed messages i asked if he felt nothing for me and he said no but that he doesnt feel anything for anyone. He said i was a great girlfriend but i have made him hate me since he broke up with me. I havent done anything except be hurt, i have never once been nasty to him. He gave out to me for saying he was moving on cause he says that he will never ever have another girlfriend or want one ever again. Its his bday in a few weeks and i bought him loads of presents prior to break up n he is just so ungrateful about everything. He said he is struggling financially and i offered to help and he just saying he doesnt need or want my help.

 

I dont know if he is actually depressed and thats why he acts like this or is he just a horrible person. He seems to have an anger problem - i dont think its normal to get so angry when someone asks you things or shows you they care and love you.

I used to be so happy and love life and now i just feel broken and cry everyday.

I was such a great girlfriend, i did everything for him, payed for most things, constantly tried to make him happy with love and buying/sending him presents to cheer him up.

I just find it hard that the week b4 we broke up we talked about going on holz n doing stuff in the future to him feeling absolutely nothing for me that he now hates me.

 

I just dont know what to think - i feel like such a fool and that i have lost who i am cause all i want is him and he doesnt even care that he has hurt me. He prob just thinks of little of me now and clearly has no respect for me.

 

Would love to hear from anyone that has been through something similar and all advice is much appreciated x

[lavenderdove]

>> He has said horrible things to me like that i made him depressed and am the worst thing that ever happened to him. I was constantly walking on eggshells.

 

How could this be the love of your life? He just isn't or he wouldn't say such things to you.

 

And i think he is saying he hates you because you are just refusing to accept it is over and keep pursuing him even though he has said he doesn't want to be with you. I think you love playing the GF role, but this guy just doesn't want you as his GF, for his own reasons, whatever they are, and you can't change that. You are desperately trying to hang onto the role of loving GF with a guy who doesn't want one! That is the problem here, that you need to recognize it takes two to make a relationship and you can be the best GF in the world, but if he doesn't want you or doesn't want a GF, it will not work and you need to accept that and go find a guy who does appreciate you and want to be with you. He's not the love of your life if he doesn't want you to love him and he doesn't want to be with you. He's a guy you had a huge crush on and loved playing the GF role with, but you can have all those things with someone else who does want them.

 

So put your efforts into healing and finding someone new rather than pursuing someone who will just hate you if you don't leave him alone and let him make the decision that he doesn't want to be with you. He has that right. You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

[Blue Skittles]

Its what I'm going through right now. We had broken up 1 or 2 times prior, got back together and now we are officially broken up again, and this time, it is for good. Because I refuse to get back in that relationship again.

 

You have to think positive about this whole thing. You are getting out of a destructive relationship. This is much better for you. In my opinion, being alone is far better than being in an emotional rollercoaster ride of a relationship. Now you can take some time to get to know yourself, how to make yourself happy, and in time you will be able to move on. And I hope you will find someone that treats you with love and respect, and does not have all the emotional drama happening. Let this one go.

[sada88]

I was in the same predicament 'cept my ex left me for another woman He was my first love but with much introspection, all I can say is thank god he is no longer my problem. I was getting tired of feeling underappreciated and doing everything I can to make him love and accept me but failing. Personally, I think you are lucky that your ex is leaving you alone. That means he doesn't see you as a back up plan and is giving you space to heal. I wish my ex did that.

 

Anyway, you'll eventually reach the same level as me. No one can help out another person unless s/he wants it. Be glad that he ended it. Now you can find someone that treats you better and appreciates you I'm not going to say that you two will never get back together (if that is what you want) but I suggest you don't until he actively seeks medical help. If you really want to feel better, just make a list of every one of his flaws. It will help speed up the healing process.

[scarlett27]

is his name ross by any chance ?? this sounds like my bf who broke up with me on sat we had a once a week relationship and he reckons he is bi polar - u iknow what he keeps breaking up with you - it dont work , this is making u unhappy he is not giving YOU WHAT YOU NEED , walk away now please have some self respect i wish u luck