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I don't know what to do. Help?


HiILikeLlamas

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My boyfriend & I had been dating for almost 2 years. About a year of it has been really on and off. We fight alot, and he usually ignores me. Then I text/call him out of frustration, and he gets even more angry until I back off. Usually after giving him some space for a day or so, he comes back. It's not how things should be I suppose, but it's how they usually are.

 

The past 2 weeks or so, the fighting's gotten alot worse. He works full time now, so I rarely get to see much of him. He works long, overnight shifts, sometimes more than one in a row. Then he usually goes home & crashes for hours. Everytime we've had plans recently, he woke up late or something. So then I'd get annoyed that he didn't stick to the plans that he made. We fought over this several times recently, but we made up. Last time we saw eachother, he apologized, and we were really happy and hungout for a little bit. He even acknowledged how happy we were. On top of that, he said that he thought I was giving up on him & he didn't want me to because he still cared, alot and missed me. These are exact quotes. This is why I'm confused about the following:

 

A few days ago, we had plans to go to the movies. He woke up really late & had work again at midnight, but he said he still wanted to see me. Still, he was taking a really long time, so I made a comment about it out of frustration. Then he flipped out, refused to come, and pretty much declared us broken up (as he does everytime we fight). I figured if I just ignored him, he'd calm down & come back. But he didn't. Then I started obsessively texting/calling him, but all he's done is ignore me. It's been on and off like this for a few days, and no matter what I do, he won't answer anything I saw or talk to me when I give him space.

 

I don't understand how he could show genuine feelings for me the day that we got into a fight and then do a complete 180 and not care at all after the fight.

 

It's been days, and this is the longest we've ever gone without speaking. I'm really convinced that there's no hope, and I'm miserable & don't know what to do with myself. He probably thinks I'm crazy at this point, and I don't really blame him, but I can't control how upset I get, and he won't even give me a reason as to why he suddenly doesn't give a damn.

 

Also, our two year anniversary is this week, so that's lovely.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything, and he won't talk to me.

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My daughter has casual shift work and sometimes she works the "graveyard" shift. (10.30pm to 6.30am) She's not the easiest person to be around when she works those hours. When working hours are all over the place it plays havoc with her body clock and her emotions.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like he is exhausted and he probably feels that you're not being understanding when you voice your frustration. If this has happened a number of times, then he has probably reached the end of his tether.

 

If you agree that this is the situation, then perhaps you could send him an email or letter saying that you understand what he is going through and that you wish you hadn't added to his stress by your objections. Then say that you will respect his decision and not contact him.

 

Once he has time to think about things maybe he will contact you. However it is possible that he truly has had enough of the situation.

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arent you tired from this kinda relationship?

 

I agree. In all liklihood he's looking at the pros and cons of this relationship. Instead of holding out hope that he comes back again, you need to do the same. It doesn't sound like a relationship I would want to be in - fighting, on and off, broken promises. Sometimes instead of trying to change a person, you have to make the decision that although you care you haven't been able to make it work.

 

I suspect that all that lovey dovey was him trying to make things better and trying to feel better about things but holding really deep resentment (just like you). Good luck.

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