Please help! I'm getting very mixed signals :[

[thenightowl]

Point of this is that I want my ex back so here's the story... (sorry if it's long!)

 

My ex and I broke up almost exactly three months ago, he broke up with me after a big fight we got into and basically yelled at me to get out of his house and that it was over, the next day we met up and he told me he "doesn't love me anymore" and he was sick of the fighting and didn't believe our relationship was worth it and "he just wanted to be single". Take note, I was his very first girlfriend/kiss/everything pretty much and we were together for almost two years and lived together as well. So immediately after the break up I make the mistake of begging for him back, of course he doesn't agree, three weeks later we meet up and I beg again, he acts cold and mean and says things walks away. Two weeks after that we meet up again I beg again and he says "things would just go back to the way it was before" and "he doesn't think he could do it again" and I start to cry in front of him, he holds me and wipes my tears away claiming "He still cares about me in certain ways and seeing me cry hurts him", somehow we agree on going on a camping trip together the next night. So we go, and we end up cuddling and kissing and then having sex, which I know was a bad idea but I couldn't help it The next morning I ask about getting back together again and he tells me coldly "no just forget about me, it'll never happen we can never be together again". From that day on I didn't try to contact him again and every time I ran into him afterward (we share friends and go to the same social events) I kept a smile on my face and was confident and happy.

 

The second month into it he messages me about how he found some of my stuff at his house and also sends me a website with all these cute animals on it saying "he thinks I'd enjoy it". I ignore the message and decide not to reply to it as a part of "no contact" rule. I randomly ran into him at the movies one night and it was very awkward. That was the last time I seen him for a long time. The next time I see him he seems a lot more interested in me and I notice that the anger and resentment he used to have towards me is gone. He shows slight signs of interest and that he wants to be around me, I also catch him looking my way often, so I show him no attention whatsoever. A week later I see him again with the same results, and a few days after that the same exact thing. I start taking these little signs as ones that he misses me. I also hear news from a mutual friend that while he was drunk (which he has been almost non stop since we broke up) he told my friend that he misses me and wants to get back with me and asked his advice on it. He told him that he better make sure it's what he wants because what he did to me was messed up.

 

After those few days of seeing him out of nowhere one night he texts me (which he hadn't done since the break up) saying he was accross the street playing poker at a friends house and wanted to pick up something of his he forgot at my house. I bring the things down to him and he asks me to hang out so we just talk for a while and then out of nowhere he asks me if I want to go up to a lookout that we used to go to often while were dating "for old times sake". So I agree and we go up there and we get out to look at the view he notices I'm cold so he gets a beach towel from his car and wraps it around me. We just talk for like 3 hours then he takes me home. The next day he texts me pictures of my favorite dog saying he thought I'd think it was cute.. which it was. I stop replying to his texts until later that night when I noticed he changed his profile picture to one of him and this girl my sister suspected him of liking. I spark up a conversation and we talked for 2 hours until he had to go to bed. Two days go by when he randomly texts me again, we have a short conversation when he asks me to hang out again so we meet up and he takes me to dinner, I offer to pay for myself but he doesn't let me, afterward I expected him to take me home but he asks what I want to do so I suggested we go to a beach. We get to a beach and he's really flirting with me and acting as he did before we dated when we liked each other. We sit to look at the stars and I notice he is staring at me, then he starts holding me and cuddling me, brushing the hair out of my eyes and doing eskimo kisses and we stare into each others eyes for like hours and he tries to kiss me, I tell him I don't think that's a good idea but we continue to cuddle. After a while he notices I seem kinda off put and asks me whats wrong. I tell him that I'm confused as far as what he's doing, and he just responds coldly with "I don't know" and gets all distant and closed off again. I ask him to talk and he replies "Why? It's not like I'm holding anything in" I told him I felt used and like he was trying to take advantage of me and he says he "definitely wasn't". I tell him I don't think we can be friends and he tries to convince me that we still can but we should just not do one on ones anymore for a long time and instead hang out in groups until a lot of time goes by where we can "rebuild our friendship" as he said. He takes me home, and though I teared I continued to smile and act pleasant towards him until he dropped me off. The next day he texts me apologizing about that night saying "he wasn't trying to take advantage of me, he didn't know what he was thinking and that he's stupid and sorry" that was the last thing he said to me.

 

About a week later, which was last night I run into him at another social event, it's back to the awkward only saying "Hi" to each other thing. I'm super confused! I don't know what to feel or think. I feel like he's just really conflicted in himself and that he's confused in what he wants. I feel like he misses me and still cares about me but doesn't want to admit he might have been wrong in leaving me and also wants the freedom of being single. BUT I DON'T KNOW. Can anyone offer any advice!?!? Sorry again that it was soooo long.. I just hate this spot I'm in

[mouseno4]

I wish i had the ability to switch off love on the spot.

 

I thought sex was actually voluntary?

 

Honestly, after reading all of what you said... i am actually wondering if YOU know what you want?

 

Seems to me that you are on a trampoline, bouncing up then coming back down. You want him back, then when he comes back, you reject him, then back and forth.

[thenightowl]

Of course I want him back, but when he does "come back" to me and talk to me and all that he doesn't say anything about actually wanting to be with me. If he were to come to me and say "take me back" I would but he doesn't. He just comes around because he misses me but doesn't want the commit sort of a thing I think.

[dramallama]

Of course I want him back, but when he does "come back" to me and talk to me and all that he doesn't say anything about actually wanting to be with me. If he were to come to me and say "take me back" I would but he doesn't. He just comes around because he misses me but doesn't want the commit sort of a thing I think.

Then he is showing you exactly what he wants and is happy with. So either you tell him flat out that this isn't working for you and that you want commitment and a relationship again, or you suck it up and be content with how things are (I can tell that you aren't, though). If he doesn't want to commit to you, then there's your answer. At that point you cut all contact, not to punish him or get back at him, but so that YOU can move on from someone that doesn't want to be with you.

 

People will only respect your boundaries if you enforce them in the first place. The ones that don't rise up to meet your standards are better off not being in your life anyway.