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FInding the right one

Wildcars

By Wildcars
in Dating Advice

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Wildcars Apprentice

Wildcars

Posted
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Hi there,

 

I've recently broke up with my ex about 5 months ago, was a very tough time, we were going to get married, but then she cheated on me and a whole lot of other things happened..

 

I've met recently another lady, who now is in love with me, but has a boy friend! Not good, i know, and i didn't know, she didn't say anything, cause she came to South Africa for 2 months and we hooked up, only when i went back to Taiwan to meet up with her did she tell me about her boy friend! So ya, didn't end well either..

 

I'm having difficulty, i'm a guy that can't be alone, but is forced now to be alone, which i'm handling okay so far. But where do you guys find decent girls? Where do you go?

 

I hate pubs, clubs, rave party etc etc! I've also recently been traveling the world, Europe (some parts), Asia, and going to Spain in August for the tomato fest.

 

But at the end, i just want to find someone who i can love, and who love me, and who is decent! Where do i find someone like that?? DO i go and search for it? Or will it just happen?

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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I say, it depends on the type of girl you are after. I prefer the social, non-party types so i never visit bars or night clubs looking for em. Find what what type of girl your after, and go looking for them at the obvious places you would go if you were that type.

 

I am happy you ended the relship the moment you found he she was using you to cheat on her bf. You did your other guy a great favour.

 

Some people say, 'let it happen' which can and has worked for some - but might require more patience than you have. Some others say 'go looking for her' in the places ive mentioned. This has also worked for some.

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Melting Proficient

Melting

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Alot of us are searching for the same thing and have tried many, many different avenues.

 

For me personally, I have been searching for 2yrs! Been on 24 dates, so its not from my lack of trying. Now, I just live in hope that one day I will get lucky and try not to get too bitter and disilluisoned along the way.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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Yes, Melted pass those around so everyone can feel a little loved! After all, your hogging all the action!

 

If you ever want to find the right one, being scared to meet new people is a huge hindrance. You need to be able to see a complete stranger of either sex, and be able to strike up a conversation with them about any random subject.

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Wildcars Apprentice

Wildcars

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Yes, Melted pass those around so everyone can feel a little loved! After all, your hogging all the action!

 

If you ever want to find the right one, being scared to meet new people is a huge hindrance. You need to be able to see a complete stranger of either sex, and be able to strike up a conversation with them about any random subject.

 

Ya, do share your secret, how do you get so many dates?? Please don't say dating sites, dating sites in South Africa is BS!

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Wildcars Apprentice

Wildcars

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Well, i love traveling, been doing that a lot, going to Europe for a month and Asia for a month...

 

But i like my cars and making money, kind of a workaholic.. But that's gotta change..

 

What kind of clubs do people get into, even though i don't have a specific hobby, maybe i can get some suggestions into some hobbies people do, and start doing it, maybe i'll like it and learn something..

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Realitynut Mentor

Realitynut

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mousen you are sooo funny! Yes, I started doing the dating sites. The last 2 guys said they've been divorced twice.

 

My sis didn't get married until she was 48. But she wasn't trying while she raised her boy through school. When he went to college she joined eHarmony. She was just quitting that site when her future husband logged on. They just came back from Italy because that is what she wanted for her 50th birthday.

 

My twin bro's wife walked out on him after 30 yrs. Later he hooked up with $400 an hour escourt service girls. The very first time he had 2 at one time, they worked together. He went thru money like water. bought a Harley, lost weight, colored his hair and tanned. But it helped with his self-esteem.

 

Finally that died down (thank god) and he met a beautiful woman on eHarmoney also. Of course he makes good money, and she drives a BMW, is an accomplished pianist, and figure skater.

 

Now I'm on POf (plenty of fish) because it's free, I'm dirt poor, today I was suppose to be married....and I'm a fat (I just gained 7 pounds cuz I'm on this site all the time eating bread and popcorn) and a crying mess.

 

So who do you think I'm going to attract?

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Tique Newbie

Tique

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I don't know what's gonna happen with my life. I wanna find that someone but like you Wildcars I don't know where to look. Plus, I'm also extremely shy and sensitive. I fear rejection so badly. Even if I like a guy I'm not gonna tell him or make the first move cos I'm scared.

 

So... I see myself being alone for a long long time

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Wildcars Apprentice

Wildcars

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Realitynut, i feel you.. You gotta first thing is to get yourself into shape! I always maintained my body, as this is something i like doing! But i don't got to gym, got a full on gym at home though..

 

That's an idea, maybe i should join a gym, and start gymming, maybe i will meet people there? Guy friends and Girl friends..

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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Not sure about this 'pounds' stuff, but i will translate that into kg in a sec.

 

I put myself on rsvp, eharmony and match a while ago. On rsvp and eharmony it put in everything on those places that was 100% the truth. I get those usual 'daily matches' crap every day and every day i just delete them. I havent logged into either in a while. I mostly only created a profile to see how truthful the ads were. I wasnt after a relationship or anything. To be honest, at the time (and even now) i still dont trust them - and i think they suck the money out of people just to get more and more people on the 'cows teet'.

 

As for match, i didnt even bother finishing the profile. LOL funny thing is, i get emails, messages and the works every day.... from accross the planet! HAHA!

 

All in all, i personally think its a scam, and have thought it was for years.

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cld725 Newbie

cld725

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Wildcar, I know it sucks to be alone but just try to use your spare time on something else more constructive, like things you personally want to achieve or work out, set a goal for yourself. That's what I've been doing. I'm doing a lot of volunteer work this year and being apart of the community. I've met friends this way, I might not have met the guy of my dreams but I know eventually I will. Do you ever remember a time when something good ended and you thought it would never get better or you would never find someone else but you always did in a matter of time? It's going to be the same case. None of us want to be alone, we are made to be with someone, to feel loved who we are. There's a reason why you don't want to be alone and you should work on that before entering into another relationship. And you said you like to travel and you do, maybe you'll meet someone that way.

 

Yeah I would never use dating sights, I just think it skips the beginning of something that might be great but everyone uses different techniques and it has worked before. All I have to say is that you have to think about the other person, we all see people we are interested in, in public or like when going on a run, passing a cute guy or girl, or at some activity you are engaging in, I've learned a simple smile can get you far and might actually start a conversation if the other person can pick up on the hint. So maybe guys if you see a girl smile at you, just go and talk to her. Don't be scared, it's hard to approach someone sometimes but you just have to try. I hate when guys seem too confident or cocky though. I can't stand it and only go to places where you want to find a girl at, if you don't like cooking and only will go do it because you feel like you might meet someone there; why bother? Why be apart of something you just don't really love? You plan to find someone you love there?

 

My mom always gives me crap because I always try to rush into relationships and I end up getting hurt. I guess I also want to find someone so badly, when I do find someone, I am just consumed with happiness and I just don't focus on myself much anymore. I haven't had a real long relationship in a while. But my mom always asks me if I want to find a guy that I found or wait for a guy that wants me as bad as I want him?

 

So for now, I just try to focus on myself. I honestly don't know why I'm trying to find a relationship up here. I have a year before my bachelors and then I'll be in the Peace Corps, not sure what country yet then I'll probably move to Callie to go this grad. school there I'm looking into. but it just seems like this year will be sooo drawn out. But I'm glad I came accross this site, I'm excited about it though. Just reading how other people feel and their situations, it's nice to know that at this exact moment, us all being alone, we aren't alone anymore. And even if everyone you know is busy or is a couple, at least you can just talk to someone here about how you feel.

 

But I know as you probably know, finding the right one seems like that ultimate goal in life, hard to accomplish but worth it in the end

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Realitynut Mentor

Realitynut

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I still wouldn't give up the dating sites. I met a couple in England 6 years ago, they live in Montana (a state in U.S. for you Aussies) she had lived in another state. They are happily married.

 

My ex-husband's bro was kind of a red-neck (I found him very unappealing), but he found a nice girl online. she had just come from another country to join family. they had 2 small children and he just died this year of cancer...

 

My ex-husband (we've been divorced 3 years) met a woman on a dating site, and they are to be married this year.

 

My sis met her husband on eHarmony and are happily married. He took her to Italy for her birthday.

 

My brother just bet a beautiful and accomplished 50 year old woman on eHarmony. He says he's planning on marrying her. She just doesnt' know it yet.

 

I'm the only one who hasn't hit the jackpot yet.

 

But then again, I just started, and no one can compare to my ex.....handsome, fun, charismatic, sexy. Oh well...

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Realitynut Mentor

Realitynut

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Mousen, when someone on here says they lost a "stone" is that what it is??? Something like that, I'm all confused.

 

7 pounds makes your stomach stick out even further, and your clothes tighter. It's not enough to have you go out and buy all new clothes....if that helps!!! lol

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Stay_home Explorer

Stay_home

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We've all been there, situations you thought it might work but it didn't. Hang in there, don't lose faith. Learn from every situation for what it is; good and bad. Then the next time just remember those lessons and try not to repeat some of the same mistakes. Remember, love hurts sometime.

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