Girls-would you forgive this guy?

[SW]

My friend is a personal trainer and made friends with an older male client..just friends and that's it. She is sort of an adult tomboy in that she most of her fiends are guys.

 

I dont know all the details, but I know he made a pass on her and sent her all kinds of "I love you emails". Everytime she set him straight saying she wants nothing do with him. So, he disappears for a couple of months and the she gets a text saying "I want you". She gets mad at him tells him off, but 8 months later another "I want you" text. She tells him she never wants to talk to him again.

 

He goes away for a while, but then he used the death of her dog as a way to contact her again.

 

So now about a few months later I guess he has apologized and she is friends with him again and hanging out with him.I feel he has allowed him to manipulated her .( she has a history of abusive relationships...going back to the same guy over and over)

 

I would tell the guy to F off, but that's just me...What you guys think?

[yeawutever]

I would have send him to hell long ago and mean it.....

[scarlett27]

i would have blocked him and told him to get some self esteem and a life

[itsallgrand]

Seems like she is stuck in her abusive pattern.

 

Not to nitpick but I don't equate not having many girl friends as a woman to being tomboyish. I see that as having issues. Not that there is anything wrong with having male friends, but at the exclusion and having trouble having female friends as well as male screams to me "issues!".

 

It always makes me cringe when I hear a girl/woman say something to the effect of "I just don't get along with women as well as guys. I find them catty/ backstabbing/not wanting to do the things I like to do/whatever. But men are cool." I think it glosses over a lot of things and says most clearly "I have problems relating to women in a healthy way AND to men in a healthy way."

 

I know this is so generalized and all, but there does seem to be correlation between a woman not being able to relate to other women and having issues with having appropriate boundaries with men. "oh, he's just a friend." No, you have problems.

 

Of course her response to this guy is not healthy and most women who answer are gonna say "I would have blocked this out a long time ago."

 

Is she naive or worse? She takes the intentions too easily and trust them too much, and distrusts women too much. The answer isn't another man in the picture trying to help her either. As a man, you can't be a 'pure' friend to her, not while she has these issues. Simply an opinion! You can give it, she won't be able to receive it. Though you might be able to convince her to consider therapy - since you are a man, your opinion will probably have weight with her.

[BriarRose]

I am not surprised she has a history of abusive relationships. Like Scarlett, I would have blocked him ages ago. How had he learned about her dog dying?

[FairyGodmother]

@its all grand

 

Not to nitpick but I don't equate not having many girl friends as a woman to being tomboyish. I see that as having issues. Not that there is anything wrong with having male friends, but at the exclusion and having trouble having female friends as well as male screams to me "issues!".

 

It always makes me cringe when I hear a girl/woman say something to the effect of "I just don't get along with women as well as guys. I find them catty/ backstabbing/not wanting to do the things I like to do/whatever. But men are cool." I think it glosses over a lot of things and says most clearly "I have problems relating to women in a healthy way AND to men in a healthy way."

 

Not at all. One of my best friends only has guy friends at college, but she has plenty of girl friends at home. It actually is easier to get along with guys all the time, which is preferable to most of the time with girls. They're never * * * * * y and they don't cause any of the drama that comes along with being friends with girls - it's just a fact of life. Obviously being friends with girls doesn't necessarily entail drama, and of course it's valuable to have friends of both sexes, but it is ignorant to automatically assume that any woman who has more male friends that girl friends has "issues". It's a simple matter of preference, equal to liking vanilla or chocolate ice cream better.

 

I know this is so generalized and all, but there does seem to be correlation between a woman not being able to relate to other women and having issues with having appropriate boundaries with men. "oh, he's just a friend." No, you have problems.

 

This again, is completely inaccurate. In fact many women who hang out with mostly guys, become "one of the guys" to her male friends. Therefore alot of the sexual tension that might otherwise linger between female-male friends vanishes. It is, in fact, possible to simply be friends with a man as a woman (shocker).

 

And this is all coming from someone who has significantly more female friends than male friends. Perhaps you're the one with "issues", you seem to have some sort of phobia of either being excluded by females from a friend group or rejected by males when trying to become friends with them. I'd suggest counseling.

[SW]

I am not surprised she has a history of abusive relationships. Like Scarlett, I would have blocked him ages ago. How had he learned about her dog dying?

 

Good question...I wondered about that too....anyway I think it was a sneaky move emailing her after her dog died.