When does NC get easier...

[DallopofDaisy]

I'm only on Day 4 or 5 (we've been broken up for about 2 and a half weeks now)... and the first couple days were not so bad, but all of a sudden today I am thinking more and more about him. We were in a relationship for a year, alot of it was long distance. I keep thinking about whether or not there is a way we will get back together or if I am strong enough to move on. Yesterday I removed him from Facebook and the day before that I deleted his number from my phone, so I AM making steps forward... but each of these steps hurts me so much because I love him and I cannot imagine how I can remove someone I love from my life. And what if he realizes? Will he think I don't love him anymore? Am I just supposed to stop loving him now?

 

This is more of a rant than anything... I know there is no concrete answer to any of these questions. I don't really intend to break NC at this point, because I know my heart will be starting over at square one. But still... does he think about me? Will he message me at some point? Because he hasn't yet... he was the one who went out and found a date less than a week after we broke up. I found out because I stalked him via an online forum, which I STOPPED IMMEDIATELY... I realized it was bad form on my part... and it wasn't helping the healing process.

 

Moving on is damn rough...

[Archtronics]

For me I found 1st week easy then the second alot harder, based on my own experience after 3 - 4 weeks it starts getting easier and you start seeing benefits to no contact.

 

stay strong.

 

P.s I think its best to block them on fb removes the urgh to look at profile pic etc.

[DallopofDaisy]

Oh wow, so even after I removed him as a friend I can still block him?

[jumper11]

yes , you can block.

 

I find deleting does just fine.. but it depends on the person. Everyone's different. I moved on more when my ex wasn't blocked, oddly.

 

Archtronics is right - 2nd week is harder, then it's easier again, then I had one more major fall back, then after 4 weeks it was almost all uphill. At 2 months Nc, I felt very good.

[LP90]

I broke up with my gf yesterday after weeks and weeks of nothing but high stress and anxiety. I found out she was cheating on me. The first thing i did was remove EVERYTHING, all pics, gifts, FB, chats, etc. We tried to reconcile during that period but it became very obvious she wasnt ready for any of that even though she was begginning and pleading for me to take her back. Its only day 1 of NC for me, so i cant say how easy or hard all this will be. I know i will have ups and downs and just hope i can stay strong. In any case, i say get rid of anything that will cause you to remember any memories or make you think about him. Its extremely painful but just as much as you think about him, i know he thinks about you. There is no way you can just forget someone, especially someone you were close to for a long time. Maybe even deactivate your FB for a week or so till you feel comfortable going on it without having the need to look him up. If you know you might do something regretable, then prevent it now by taking whatever steps necessary.

[irishgerry]

I'm on day 20 and today feeling pretty good. During the week I was a mess though. Hopefully I can feel as good and better as today.

[Danny77]

I found the first two weeks hard as I still looked at get FB but when I fanally deleted her from it and made a conscious effort not to look at her profile pic everytime I logged on the the next two weeks flew by.

I am now in week 7 and I don't think about her as much, well actually I do but I don't get the tight chest and pain when doing so.

 

I think as time + NC goes past they become a distant memory and it is like you don't own eachother anymore.

You no longer care so much what she's doing as she could be doing anything and you'll never know which is great as whenever you found out scraps of info you would always make the worst asumptions about it.

 

Now I just live in total mystery of where she is and what she's doing.

When you hear about friends doing fun things and having great times you feel good to know that they're enjoying life.

After 7weeks NC it's sort of like that with the ex.

Not as happy that they're moving on but still not devestated either.

 

Just do the deleteing or blocking if you can and you'll see a drastic change of the healing pace.

Have friends not talk about them.

Don't snoop in any way.

Have a distraction on hand any time you start to think of them and for gods sake don't put time aside to sit down and have a nostalgic weep about the good times.

The good times will be thought of as good times when time has past, not now.

 

Anyway, I hope you are well and will start to see the benifits of NC as I promise you without a shadow of a doubt that without it I wouldve been absoultly screwd! There is no way I couldve gotten to where I am keeping in contact and knowing so much about her life that I was no longer a part of.

 

Stay strong and believe coz it will work.

No doubts!

[hausser]

l... does he think about me? Will he message me at some point? Because he hasn't yet...

 

I hear u im in the same boat. Im on day ten and havent heard anything. He is still thinking about you yes. From what I have read here, so long as you are strict NC, chances are you will wether or not that leads to a reconicllation is where get small, thats my take in things anyway. I was fine NC days 3-9 but yesterday I missed her like crazy for some reason so im hoping the three week thing is right.

[Live-N-Learn]

He may message you he may not. If he doesn't want you back it is best if you never hear from him. Some dumpers do not reach out because they actually respect you and know it is best for you if they do not. If they reach out and don't want you back it is usually because they are being selfish and just want an ego boost and are checking to see if your still around.

[DallopofDaisy]

Thank you everyone so much... it's glad to know there's some support for this kind of thing out there. I don't have a problem wanting to look at his profile picture, considering he changes it rarely. Now that I unfriended him, I don't have any urge to look him, because there is no information I can glean from going to his page.

 

However, I had an very strong urge this afternoon to call him... god, it was so strong, I wanted to cry so bad. I didn't though. I knew nothing would change if I called him. I guess I just wonder how strongly he actually felt about me... because the reason he broke up with me was mostly... "he couldn't return the feelings as intensely". And I know... I know this means he probably was not the right guy for me. But goddamn, alot of the time... it sure felt like he was. What the hell happened.

[Danny77]

Be happy that you are an intense lover as you can expierence love in a deeper way than others and when you feel something, by god do you feel it hey!

 

If this is your reason for being dumped then that's the best for you really.

Now find a guy who loves back with an intensity that'll blow your socks off.

x

[DallopofDaisy]

oh MAN Danny... that's what I want... I want a guy to treat me like I will treat him... like a damn King. (I'm a guy, too.)

[Danny77]

As long as you keep your sights focused on the future you can get anything you want!

 

You didn't need or deserve what happened to you so never forget that!!!

 

Looking forward and NC!!!

[DallopofDaisy]

[myheadvsheart]

I cannot tell you the exact time it gets easier. I can only share my NC experience. I did great for about 5 weeks. He contacted me on the second week of NC saying he missed me and I made it clear not to contact me unless he was prepared to spend time with me and wanted to reconcile our relationship. I did okay the following three weeks after that contact. The last week however (which is 30 days since the last contact and 6 weeks since parting ways) has been tough. I thought it got easier, but lately I am really beating myself up over this. I've removed all his pictures, deleted him from messengers, but I did not block him from contacting me. I reason it's better that I know he is respecting my boundaries, instead of forcing it by blocking him. That he makes the choice is more important. That said, I still check my messenger wondering if he'll break NC by leaving me a message or an e-mail. I admit I look for this - I'm mostly relieved that he's not doing this "confused" dance with me any more but there is a part of me that is sad that he isn't fighting for me. It sucks, it really does, but I know it's the right decision to end contact. I don't want my grief to have a long shelf-life. I'm more upset that I have to start over again - trusting someone and sharing confidences on that level, it's daunting. If anything that is what is upsetting me the most. I wish my grandmother was here to talk to me straight - she always knew the perfect thing to say when I struggled.

[DallopofDaisy]

to myheadvsheart:

 

yes... I feel the same way. Having to start over IS the most daunting and scary part...When am I going to develop the desire again to bring someone completely new into my life and begin the arduous journey?? It was a long road getting IN this far... I just never thought that getting out would be just as long of a road...

 

Of course I know I will find someone, I'm not worried about that. Yes, right now, I wish it could be him. But maybe... a changed him. I love him, but, things have to change with both of us for it to work better. God knows in the end... I love him, and I wish that was enough.

[No1]

Just deleting a number, email, facebook, twitter etc... from your computer or phone doesnt mean you will delete them forever. All you are doing to making space for yourself. You are doing good, a lot of people cant do what you did, but you are doing good. Youll have your good days and bad days, but keep busy and youll see that youll think of them less and less. You are not erasing memories or the good times. You are not eliminating them from your life either. You two broke up for a reason, dont know what it was and its not important, but for now, reflect on what type of partner you were, could you have done things better or been more supportive. Be honest and think of the mistakes and think of what was right. And find yourself. See what is right and what can be tweaked a little to be a better you. Not for anyone else, but for you. Lean on your friends, family, go out, work out, find new hobbies or connect with your old hobbies. Do something good for you. Spoil yourself. Its your turn to be #1. I dont want to give you any false hope by saying this, but if are things are ment to be, then they will be. It could take months or years, you two could date other people, grow and who knows that when the time is right, you two find one another. It can happen, but you must make you happy.

[Mustachio]

I cant really give an exact number. I wouldnt say it gets easier after a few weeks, but what happens is after a few weeks you start adjusting to the fact that your ex is no longer a part of your daily life. The problem remains that you will still think of them often, but once you are used to not talking to them on a daily basis (or at all) it becomes a lot easier to ignore the urges to contact them. Stick with it!

[DallopofDaisy]

Yea... mustachio, I have started to accept that he is not part of my daily life. I am on Day 8. Past couple of days have been hard. I should probably stop watching Sex and the City. They have all the same issues as me on that show and it only reinforces the bad feelings. Things will get better, I know they will. I just... goddammit, cannot believe the way I am feeling right now.

[hausser]

I am on day 14. I still think about her but seriously every hour that passes, little by little I accept more we are over.

[Mustachio]

Believe me, day 8, day 14, it seems like forever especially when you have that same thing on your mind all the time. You sit, and you wait and every day feels like an eternity. And as hard as it is for the first month or two, stick through it.

 

Not knocking what you are going through, because I went through it myself... but a week or two weeks of NC really isnt NC. I have friends that I go longer without speaking to and thats not NC. Until you really give yourself enough time to allow it to sink in that your ex isnt there, it will remain hard. I really do know it feels like forever, but even though things will be improving little by little all the time, but its really not until you are a few months out where everything sinks in.

 

The best thing to do is... well... anything. Do anything you can possibly do to take your mind off things, and before you know it, your life will be new and different and the thoughts of your ex will be less and less.

[hausser]

Mr Positive.

 

How can you say 8-14 days of NC with someone you were in contact with every ten minutes with before for years is "not real nc"?

The contact with friends thing is completely different unless you have been in love with your friends and have slept with them.

 

I am getting a little weary of people here telling others they should be feeling worse than they or, or deserve to be.

[Mustachio]

I apologize, I knew when I wrote it that it was coming out the wrong way. I didnt mean to downplay anybodys pain. I went through it. Day 1 felt like an eternity.

 

I simply meant that after only a week or two weeks our minds havent been given enough time to adjust. As I was saying, I have friends that I go longer without speaking to yet my mind still tells me they are in my life. I know contact with friends is completely different, it was just an example to illustrate that not enough time has passed for your mind to adjust.

 

I really didnt mean to come off that way... go search my old threads if you want, why would i ever belittle someone for feeling the exact same way I was feeling a year and a half ago?

[philanx]

One thing I found out about NC is that the urge to contact them goes by a little faster if you can consciously work on minimizing the time you spend thinking about them.

 

Whenever I used NC, I still used to spend most of time obsessing about them, analyzing every little conversation, trying to predict if they were going to contact me, etc. I could do this even surrounded by friends, doing something for the entire day. My body was present but not my mind.

 

I realized this one day and I decided to work on really not thinking about the other person. For example, I might try to associate a negative feeling with them in the same way I would a looming deadline. At other times, I might imagine this person is the bearer of bad health news and, therefore, someone I definitely didn't want to hear from or even think about.

 

I know these tricks aren't for everyone but they have helped me.

[doiiiieeezie]

I don't think anyone is belittling you.

 

I have friends that I haven't talked to in months, heck I just reconnected with someone after 2 years when she reached out to me after her mother died. She is a part of my life, just like the ex that brought me here was. I think it was different for me, because I could handle 2 weeks of not talking to him, but when a month passed by and the ache started to get worse, that's when there was a bigger impact. He was gone. I spent every waking moment thinking and analyzing and wondering how this happened when i knew he plugged the plug, and it was up to me to feel the void and pain of losing a partner.

 

For you, it could be 14 days, for others it may be months, but if they mattered to you and vice versa, the pain will come sometime.