LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 So I know a few of you have been dealing with my rollercoaster of emotions that I (like many of you) have been going through. Anyhow went to a house party last night, got very drunk, called ex about 15 times, txt etc, he kept hanging up on me but texting back. Called him today, he pretty much told me he does not want to hear from me, somehow call goes for an hour sex comes up, we both get turned on, I end up at his house for 4 hours and well... Now the sex was amazing, possibly better than when we were together. He has been very mean to me over the phone, but in person it was like we were back to old times. He did make it very clear that he doesnt want me back though, and continuously told me he would never get back with me as he is very much a "ex is an ex for a reason" no turning back kinda guy. Dont know how I should be feeling, the sex was good, it was great to see him, but god more than anything I just want him to see me as the great person he fell in love with once and actually value me and miss what he had. I didnt expect him to change his mind due to the sex, but I guess it is hard when he seems so sure that we would never work even though there is so much damn chemistry there.
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I was keen to do it too, I am still very turned on by him, I guess I just need to write about the whole thing.
lavenderdove Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Welll, men think sex with a hooker is great too which is why they pay for it. You really forced your way on him with 15 phone calls then sex talk, then before you know it it's a booty call. He's been very clear that he thinks the relationship won't work, but will take free sex when it's dandled in front of him. Of course the sexual chemistry may be great, and he may take the sex until he meets someone who he likes well enough to date. But he's been clear he's not going back into a relationship with you, so all this is doing is stirring up your feelings for him and delaying your healing. It's really not good for you and just confuses you, while he's being very clear that a booty call is fine, a relationship is not. Since you wan't more than a booty call, this is a waste of your time and heart.
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 yes you're right. It was a step back, but hey I was not the blubbering mess I was a few weeks back so I think I'm still moving forward ( I hope..)
Batya33 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 He didn't use you. You called him multiple times and he took you up on your offer to hang out and hook up. It was jerky of him not to consider that you were drunk and obviously still interested in being in a relationship with him but he was entitled to assume that you had chosen to take the risk of getting more emotionally attached again. It was honest of him to tell you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you - I hope you listen to what he said.
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 He has been very mean to me over the phone, but in person it was like we were back to old times. He is not going to be mean when he is horny..he is going to make sure he is gushy sweet to you so that you don't run off before the deed is done. Men will sweet talk a woman they want to have sex with..but that doesn't mean they like her or even respect her. I would suggest you never contact this guy again.
CatsMeeoow Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Well recognize the truth... but tame it with a bit of reality... a lot of us have made bad choices post break up. Not the end of the world but as lavenderdove pointed out there is no more relationship to be had with this guy. Hopefully you'll decide you want off the roller coaster and stop moving backwards. Hugs!
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I wasn't drunk, this was today, phone calls were from last night. when I challenge him about the respect issue he tells me i'm talking peanuts and of course he respects me. I don't know, I am not regretting it, just wanted to talk to someone about it. (I have told one or two friends, but my best buddies would kill me if they found out I'd run back for sex)
DN Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 He didn't use you in any way whatsoever and I think it mischievous to say or imply otherwise because you need to know that what happened was entirely your choice. He would only be using you if he misled you about his intentions and he has done the exact opposite of that. I think you are being most unwise having sex with him when you have feelings for him - but he has made it quite clear, before and after, that he doesn't have feelings for you. I think it plain wrong to blame this guy for what happened.
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 No guy is going to tell any woman to her face that he doesn't respect her, especially if he knows she can be a booty call. What he says to you and what he may actually be thinking may be very different.
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I dont think I said I thought he had used me, I do not think that at all
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 And he actually told me he had feelings for me... ?
ToF Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I wasn't drunk, this was today, phone calls were from last night. when I challenge him about the respect issue he tells me i'm talking peanuts and of course he respects me. I don't know, I am not regretting it, just wanted to talk to someone about it. (I have told one or two friends, but my best buddies would kill me if they found out I'd run back for sex) Not to be harsh, but I would have trouble respecting someone who drunkenly called me fifteen times, only to end up having a booty call with them even after they were sobered up and back to their senses.
iBroken Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Sex isnt a good enough reason to stay together. You might have great sex, but there are other factors to contribute to a great sex life. He made it clear that he was only in it for the sex today - nothing more. The only thing you can do is pick up and keep moving forward. Dont stress or worry or think too much about sleeping with him. Whats done is done and you know where you stand.
tresqua Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I dont think I said I thought he had used me, I do not think that at all But he did.
Live-N-Learn Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Nothing good can come from this accept "momentary gratification" yes I am sure you felt like you were on the biggest high in the world while you were with him having sex. Unfortunatley, now you get to live with the empty feeling that he really doesn't care about you more than a booty call. How does that make you feel? I doubt it is building your self confidence and self worth. I only mention this because I too allowed this to happen with my ex. Matter of fact we did it for 11 months post breakup! Then she found someone that she was willing to have a relationship with and it ended. Don't put yourself though this...your worth way more!!!! Having sex with him will not bring him back....it will do the exact opposite. Think about it.
Ms Darcy Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Well, my dear, I hope you don't have sex with him again without a relationship again.
HeartGoesOn Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Hopefully you can use this as a learning experience. By offering him sex without being in a relationship, you're not only disrespecting yourself, you're refusing to accept the breakup. Sex will not bring him back...
LN1987 Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I knew it wouldn't bring him back. I guess it is just hard when I'm with him its like nothing has changed, he is a great guy I think it is that he just turned 22 and really wants freedom as we had a hectic relationship. Plus I wanted the sex as much as he did, its just that really I want more from it than that.
John Doe 22 Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I knew it wouldn't bring him back. I guess it is just hard when I'm with him its like nothing has changed, he is a great guy I think it is that he just turned 22 and really wants freedom as we had a hectic relationship. Plus I wanted the sex as much as he did, its just that really I want more from it than that. You wanted his attention more than anything though, a slight sense of relief. He chose not to be with you, why reward him with the pleasure of having sex with you? You were probably caught up in the moment and not thinking with a clear head and now you are back here, it happens, but learn from it. =)
dramallama Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I don't get what you see in this guy. From what you've written he's an abuser who doesn't care about you AT ALL. You are basically badgering him for sex just so that you can tell yourself that he cares about you and wants to be with you. I think counselling would help you a great deal because I don't think you get it.
dramallama Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I knew it wouldn't bring him back. I guess it is just hard when I'm with him its like nothing has changed, he is a great guy I think it is that he just turned 22 and really wants freedom as we had a hectic relationship. Plus I wanted the sex as much as he did, its just that really I want more from it than that. A dumpee having sex with a dumper in order to let them know what they are missing out on, rarely, if ever, works. It just makes you feel used and cheap.
twitchyfingers Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 What are your plans from here on out? Was this a one-time thing, or do you hope for more of the same?
Hollister Posted June 12, 2011 Posted June 12, 2011 I knew it wouldn't bring him back. I guess it is just hard when I'm with him its like nothing has changed, he is a great guy I think it is that he just turned 22 and really wants freedom as we had a hectic relationship. Plus I wanted the sex as much as he did, its just that really I want more from it than that. I totally understand your thinking here. I too, after 3 months apart (although I saw him often thru many mutual friends) had sex with the ex finally. It is SO hard to push it away. I respect myself, however I had the same thing...when I was with him it felt like I was in gf mode. I wanted to hold onto that for one more second and feeling it again, only to feel ehh after. We had sex, talked for hours, laughed, etc. It was exactly as it was when we were dating..EXCEPT we arent, reality check! I wanted sex too as much as him, but my feelings are involved as I'm the dumpee and want him back. I know sex wont bring him back...BUT do your best to not get into the ex sex pattern. I'm going to be doing the same....its freaking tough!
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