How do they do this....

[AJ-65]

 

I know this question has been asked before but I just need to write on here today. How is it after a break up of a relatively long term relationship (2 years), that guys can seemingly switch off all emotions. Show no "care" at all. Even though, the relationship was so good, when it was good. We did, I thought, really love each other. He said it more than I did. Every day, several times.

Now, a week after BU, coldness and just nothing!

[xiRoCb294]

I've actually wondered the exact same thing a couple of times

[mouseno4]

I can assure you we cant. We are no different than you are. The difference is that our armour hides our emotions. For a guy to show emotions is considered weak by his peers. A girl who shows emotions is just considered normal by her peers.

 

Simply put, girls emotions are just plain more visible than guys emotions. That is why it takes a while for a guy to show his true feelings in a relationship - his armour protects and hides them so as to not appear weak.

 

(yes i know its really stupid but meh)

[ForumGuy]

Give it some time....in his mind, he has better things to do now and has no time for his past relationship. Sometimes it is temporary, sometimes permanent. Please don't sit around wiating for him, or at least don't let him know you are sitting around waiting. Go NC and do your thing, whatever it is....even if it is just mourning the loss of the relationship. Very important to go NC, don't let him know what you are doing, and don't let him know that anything he does affects you in the slightest. He chose to create space, now let him have it. BTW, girls can turn off just as easily.

[mouseno4]

Give it some time....in his mind, he has better things to do now and has no time for his past relationship. Sometimes it is temporary, sometimes permanent. Please don't sit around wiating for him, or at least don't let him know you are sitting around waiting. Go NC and do your thing, whatever it is....even if it is just mourning the loss of the relationship. Very important to go NC, don't let him know what you are doing, and don't let him know that anything he does affects you in the slightest. He chose to create space, now let him have it. BTW, girls can turn off just as easily.

 

This....... What girls can do, we can do (or cant do).

[dramallama]

 

I know this question has been asked before but I just need to write on here today. How is it after a break up of a relatively long term relationship (2 years), that guys can seemingly switch off all emotions. Show no "care" at all. Even though, the relationship was so good, when it was good. We did, I thought, really love each other. He said it more than I did. Every day, several times.

Now, a week after BU, coldness and just nothing!

It's not a guy thing. It's a dumper thing. By the time a dumper has decided to end things, they have already gone through the grieving and detachment process, without you even being aware. So it's not that dumpers, or your ex, are haven't grieved the end of the relationship, it's just that they have had a big head start. Also, since they are the one making the decision for both of you whether you stay together, they have more power and are happy with their decision, so it makes it easier on them as well. Meanwhile you are in shock and surprised and are only just starting the detachment process.

[Robin2904]

It sucks and it hurts like nothing else in the world when they show you coldness. I know how it feels. It still kills me how someone who supposedly loved me SO much could sit and stare and me with cold eyes and show no emotion- and even laugh with a cocky arrogant laugh, while I cried and poured myself out to him and gave him all of me. It still stings. But after a relationship has ended they become different people (Not just referring to men here- but the exes in general) You have to detach them from the people they were while you were together and look at them as two separate people. It helped me- though it still hurt like nothing else in the world.

[catfeeder]

A week after a breakup is not the time to attempt warmups with an ex. Walk away, go live your life and heal. Whether that means a time of solitude, spending time with friends and family, attempting new hobbies and new friendships, it's all good. Whether you and ex will ever be friends again isn't necessary to decide right now--in fact, you're seeing that it produces the opposite effect when someone just needs time away from you. Just give that, and take your own time to decide where you stand with this person. If you're not neutral about him, you're not friendship material with him.

[betrayeddade]

Drama and Robin both of your recent posts are right on the money and helpful to anyone who has been dumped. I was dumped 2.5 years ago by ex wife after 14 years and it was an undescribable loss. She did detatch before I saw it coming and she is a completely different person. The person I knew for 14 years no longer exists. It was like she died and so did a part of me. I did need to grow and the pain made me do just that. Her character plummeted and she became very selfish. I don't blame her for leaving but do wish she had communicated better about me not meeting her needs. We were like best friends who knew how to satisfy each other but lshe didn't feel loved or wanted. I wasn't being affectionate and have learned how important that is to women. I now feel like I have magical powers but forced myself to learn them/what I did wrong. Do the two of you have any more feedback or perhaps it's as simple as you described.

[John Doe 22]

BTW, girls can turn off just as easily.

 

Yes they can! But my ex was crying and acting like she really didn't know why she was doing what she was doing at the time, probably just trying to get that power over me while I was still there. After I left it seems like it didn't matter and she is happier than ever now.

[Lavender25]

Yes they can! But my ex was crying and acting like she really didn't know why she was doing what she was doing at the time, probably just trying to get that power over me while I was still there. After I left it seems like it didn't matter and she is happier than ever now.

 

My ex was crying, saying he was going to miss me and miss being in a relation ship with me and it also looked like he didn't have a clue if he was doing the right thing.

 

Almost a month later and I haven't heard a peep out of him. Who knows what he's thinking or feeling? I do feel like he doesn't care, but I also feel like I haven't heard anything from him because he DOES.

[John Doe 22]

My ex was crying, saying he was going to miss me and miss being in a relation ship with me and it also looked like he didn't have a clue if he was doing the right thing.

 

Almost a month later and I haven't heard a peep out of him. Who knows what he's thinking or feeling? I do feel like he doesn't care, but I also feel like I haven't heard anything from him because he DOES.

 

Exactly where I am. They may act really happy on the outside and everything is so great now they are free, but we really do not know whats really going on upstairs with them. One thing I have learned is that she is being respectful and not trying to keep in contact with me which I am grateful for because we see it all the time on here where the ex will keep throwing out mixed signals to the dumpee. Was your ex interested in someone else?

[Lavender25]

Exactly where I am. They may act really happy on the outside and everything is so great now they are free, but we really do not know whats really going on upstairs with them. One thing I have learned is that she is being respectful and not trying to keep in contact with me which I am grateful for because we see it all the time on here where the ex will keep throwing out mixed signals to the dumpee. Was your ex interested in someone else?

 

Not that I know of. I don't think so, but I can't be sure since I don't know what he is up to now.

[John Doe 22]

Not that I know of. I don't think so, but I can't be sure since I don't know what he is up to now.

 

Doesn't matter anyways right? Keep on keeping on and bettering ourselves.