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I'll give you the basics. Many of you probably remember my posts about my break-up almost a year ago. There has been issues that have continued to this day, and i just need to know if I'm being fair or not.


My bf cheated on me with his ex last year, and although he confessed it to me and seemed sorry, I was devastated and just could not forgive him. I went through the worst period of my life ever, got depressed, lost weight etc. I was just a mess. And I cut off the ex completely so that I would heal. I had this friend who was a mutual friend to my ex (they were really facebook friends, and were not that close). Anyway, after I told this mutual friend (call this friend "G") about my breakup, G went and deliberately befriended my ex. And would talk to me on my ex's behalf. And G had a tendency to go in great details about their relationship with my ex, almost like throwing it in my face, telling me how great they are together, and how they always hung out everyday and how they tell each other everything etc. And then the friend let slip that they have even been at my ex's house and has seen my ex naked etc etc....


I was naturally hurt and furious with G and we had a fight. G apologized and said they realize they were wrong. Through this all, I had another friend (call this friend M) who was was my rock through everything. I could talk about anything with M, and while helping me though it, I developed slight feelings for M (not sexual feelings. Just a real closeness that I haven't felt with many people). I told this to G. I also told G that I was fully over my ex and no longer cared what he did or who he did it with, that he was dead to me.


A few months ago, after M and G met, M told me that G added them on facebook and was now messaging and flirting with them (despite the fact that I told G about my feelings for M). I felt that G was trying to move in on all the people who were most important to me (first my ex and now M), for some odd reason. And M now keeps filling me in on the details of how G is coming on and flirting all the time. And G asked M out for drinks and M accepted (M doesn't know that I sorta like him)!! Should I be furious at M for being friends with G, or is it none of my business anymore? I think M is being very insensitive in this case, knowing how G hurt me. I asked him to not be friends with G and he says he sees no reason not to. Am I being reasonable?

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If you had dropped G when he turned manipulative and disloyal in the first place, you wouldn't need to worry about cleaning up fallout from G's involvement with anyone else in your life.


I wouldn't confront anybody, that's sandbox stuff. I'd just stop speaking with G other than small talk if your paths cross, and I'd change the subject if M ever talks about him. I would consider G a closed subject, discuss him with nobody, and allow M to decide his own business.


If you try to control other people in this situation, you become the manipulator. I'd just keep my mouth shut, get along with everyone, but also scope out other friends outside of this circle. I would not talk about these people to any new friends, either.

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K I think it is safe to say that G is not your friend honey. Maybe he once was but your feelings are of absolute no concern to him. Toss him away

As for M - if his approach is more of the "taking the middle ground" stand and he doesnt want to get involved with all the drama then maybe M is ok and we shouldnt dismiss him. I think if you feel you can, you should tell M how you feel about him. Any chance he might feel the same way?

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