Do actions speak louder than words?

[dreamer1109]

So I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months now. It was supposed to be just sex, but of course I caught feelings.

 

We do alot of things that are more than you would do in a strictly sexual relationship. Walks on the beach, dinner, drinks, and he recently took me to a beer brewing contest where he paid for my ticket to get in and introduced me to all his friends. He does not always pay when we go out, but he

will bring me coffee to work (we work together) even though he doesn't even drink coffee, he always pays for that. We watch movies and he cuddles me in front of his roommate. And whenever I sleep over we fall asleep in eachothers arms. Hands held. He has even given me the forehead kiss a couple of times.

 

But he told me he isnt looking for anything serious. Neither am I. He said he thinks he is on a different level than I am and that maybe we should

take a break from each other. Then the next day he texts me to hang out. We didnt talk about the conversation the night before.

 

My question is, do you think actions speak louder than words?

I am not looking to start a relationship tomorrow with him, but I guess I just want an opinion either way. Do you think he is feeling something more

than just a f-buddy? Or is this still casual?

[Ms Darcy]

Why do people do this to themselves? I think if you want more, you should ask him.

[dreamer1109]

Are you asking why I am doing this to myself?

[Ms Darcy]

Just surprised at the recent run of women having no strings sex with men and then suddenly developing feelings and wanting more.

[dreamer1109]

Interesting in a way I guess we do, do it to ourselves. I know I started seeing him with no intention whatsoever of having feelings. I've had sexual partners where

we would hook up and then still just be friends, no feelings involved. Not looking for anything more. But I feel as if he wants to like me more than just sex hes just not ready or maybe afraid of commitment.

[Ms Darcy]

For you to get closure, just ask him. You probably won't like what you hear though.

[dreamer1109]

Well I did ask him, not in so many words tho. I told him about a month in that if we continued seeing one another that I could see myself having feelings for him. I

asked if he felt the same. He said he hadn't really thought about it but he could

[Ms Darcy]

Then follow-up with him and see what he says. Just brace yourself.

[dreamer1109]

Thanks for the advice

[trolleycar]

hi dreamer1109

After reading your post can I put my two Cent in?

As a guy and a older guy and not any smarter then any one else.

I would say He has some degree of feelings for you.

If you and he are just having purely Sexuality Relationship.

He does not show the signs of a the some one how is just in it for the sex.

When a guy introduces you to his friends and is treating you like a lady and not some easy score.

And and when a guy starts to cuddle with you there is some there.

The thing is are you interested in him at all?

If I were him and I was only interested in sex with you.

I would not spend time you if it did not include sex.

And if you have an interest in this guy . I would take little steps and feel him out.

And if it looks like it is not going to work you can call it off.

in a TV Ad many years ago the punch line was try it you may just like it. Just go slow.

And that's my two Cents. And It will help a bit

[mouseno4]

I really dont know why girls get into FWB. Soooo many times they screw the guy (or the guy screws them?) a number of times then want emotions... and get hurt when the guy does not return the feelings.

 

This is precisely why i very much dislike FWB relationships.

 

I would think of this like somewhat of a contract Dreamer, one that you both agreed to. I personally doubt you will be happy about asking him for emotions. However, nothing is concrete in this world, so you may have a chance.

 

I wish you best of luck regardless.

[dreamer1109]

Trolley car I really appreciate your response and am going to try and follow your advice. I am interested in him for more than just a sexual relationship I thoroughly enjoy spending time with him. I say I'm not ready for a relationship right now because I just ended a 5 year relationship with my ex fiancée. I feel like starting a relationship now would not be fair to me or him. That being said I still like him, and the thought of him being with anyone else drives me crazy. Although we are not exclusive he has told me that he is not f-ing anyone else. I am embarrassed to say that i did try and see if this was true for myself tonight. Not my finest hour, but my guy said he couldn't hang out tonight so of course my first idea was that he was seeing someone else tonight. So i drove by his house after I knew he would most likely be asleep to see if anyone else's car was there. Im glad to say that there was no other car, and all the lights in his house were off, which means he was just asleep.

 

Now that everyone knows I'm a nut job, its funny that you said to take things slow, because that is what his has been telling me to do from the beginning. Well not in so many words but he has to tell me from time to time to just relax. I guess I am just getting impatient waiting for him to feel me out, and finally admit that

he may want something more.

[dreamer1109]

Mouse when I began this FWB relationship I had zero intentions of it going any further than a one night stand. So technically we never actually set ground rules. We've pretty much just been going with the flow of things. When we first began seeing one another I was in a relationship with my ex so we both started out thinking it had no where to go. Since then I've left my ex. For the record I did not leave my ex for this guy. I have been wanting to leave my ex for a while. I could prob write a book on the little things i didnt like about our relationship that brought us to the point of ending it but long story short it just wasnt there anymore. While this new guy may have played a role in helping me realize it wasnt working with my ex, I did not leave because of it.

 

I appreciate you warm wishes and I too hope that it works out for us.

[mouseno4]

I mean no disrespect.

[swann]

I have a buddy (really not me) who is divorced and has been seeing a couple of different women in his age range (mid 40's) and he was telling me that even though he is just enjoying their company (in all the ways possible, dates to sleep overs) he has tried to keep it light and be honest with them but it only lasts so long as inevitably one will get jealous or mad or start wanting more of a relationship and when he tells them truth, they don't want to hear it. Now I don't know what is really said or implied but it does sound like you can only spend so much time with someone till something has to give on somebody's part. He said "I don't have that 'love' feeling towards any one of them but I do enjoy their company and would like to see them again but they want more than he is willing to give". Is this true? I was just curious if people over 40 per say see this same thing happen a lot?

[BriarRose]

His words say he wants to be free, his actions say he has feelings for you. Always go by actions. I agree with Trolleycars post.