Roommate/best friend problem

[QuestionHeart]

Best friend who is also my roommate set me up with a friend of hers who treated me like a piece of poop. turns out he was in love with another girl and was kind of using me... after all this, she still went out and hung out with him afterward. i lost it and went off on her. cruel words were exchanged between us. lack of trust between us followed and it has been awkward and uncomfortable living quarters ever since.

 

sooo....i found another place. upon informming her of my moving out she tells me how sad she is that I am making such a poor choice. She informs me that she cares about me very much and that I am making a mistake by running away from our friendship instead of working on it. She says she has spent a life ending valuable relationships and regrets it.

 

Now i feel confused and sad. I dont know if I should move after all. or maybe i should. this sucks. help me.

[chitown9]

It could be she is more worried about who is going to help her pay the rent.

[rosephase]

How did he treat you? Did you talk with your roommate about how you felt about the date? Did you talk to her about how you felt when she kept hanging out with him?

[QuestionHeart]

uh yeah---i totally went off on her. i told her i was hurt and felt betrayed, there was yelling and tears, it was ugly.

[pinkelephant]

you can be friends and move out. sometimes space is good for a friendship if she still wants to be friends.

[LAYAAN]

Something that I've learned from experience is not to date friends of friends. If it works out, its great, but if it doesn't your friends are kinda stuck in the middle. They don't know whose side to take.

I feel sorry that you were not treated well by your date, but listen, he didn't do anything to your friend, right? They were friends before you went on a date with him. Now you want her to cut ties with him. I'm not sure that will happen. Very few people will stand for the truth. Most are trying to survive/get by/stay afloat and will do whatever it takes to maintain their support system.

You say you went off on her. That is understandable, but it doesn't solve the problem. Did you calmly address the problem? The problem is how you were treated and that you feel hurt about it. Normally when you go off on people, your tone or language (choice of words) itself becomes bigger issue than the original issue you are trying to address. So instead of resolving the issue that is causing all this outburst, the opposite party focuses on "you raised your voice at me", "you called me xxx". So always try to calm yourself down before you start addressing something like this.

Also, something that I've learned by experience is to not room with too good of friends. It just doesn't work out. Good friends don't always make good roommates. When and if you lose a roommate, you may also lose your friend. Its good that you are moving out. Try to resolve the situation if you can.