Should I give her space?

[stoneface]

I like this girl, said some stuff probably too personal, I apologized for the way I treated her for years. I apologized for not being able to talk to her and for ignoring her all these years, I ended up crying. She would always joke around how I never acknowledge her. When I told her she became defensive saying "I was only joking, don't take it serious," I understood that she was joking, but it tore me up inside not being able to speak to her and seeing her face hurt every time I did ignore her. When I ended the conversation I thought things were good, she seemed fine and she tried to cheer me up, I was relieved she accepted my apology. Towards the end of the conversations she said, "lets hangout over the weekend". When we hung out she completely ignored me, I thought things were good so this completely took me off guard. She even turned her body away from me, crossing her legs, I could tell she was uncomfortable. Prior to my apology she would at least attempt conversation. I assumed this was because I told her it hurt every time I could not speak to her. When she ask me something, my responses are short one or two worded responses. Since she didn't say nothing, and knowing my presence made her uncomfortable I returned the message I ignored her and 15 minutes after she arrived I made an excuse that I was tired and left. I noticed her "Hi's" are softer more forced. A week or so pass I give her some space and distanced myself from her, as usual.

 

Recently, things are getting better she doesn't turn her body away she actually tries sitting near me now. She even stares at me sometimes. During the times we do hangout however it is still complete silence. I have yet to break the ice. When I text her (once a week), I get these short to the point text. It wasn't like this before I had the talk.

 

Now I'm kind of mad, because I'm confused over what she wants exactly. I'm a shy guy, she's the aggressive type. She would initiate conversation etc, now nothing. I want to tell her point blank, if she's mad at me, scared of me, or even likes me more than a friend, but I'm scared it'll just make things more awkward. I heard girls like a guy to take charge, but would it make things worst if I was so direct.

 

I need advice, do I give her more time and let the silence continue (I do notice her body language is starting to open up to me). This slow process does eat me up inside wondering how she feels about me. Prior to the talk, she gave hints that she had a crush on me. I'm afraid bringing up why she's so distance would bring us farther rather than closer.

 

My friend suggested, just be her friend break the ice.

 

Yes I know the way I acted seems childish, but I have an excuse I have commitment phobia, fear of relationship problems. I distance myself from every female in my life. I do not want to die alone, I do not want to lose her. I want her to be my girl, but if I can't have that I want to keep her as a friend.

[ToF]

What exactly made you treat her so poorly in the first place?

[stoneface]

What exactly made you treat her so poorly in the first place?

 

I have problems, it has only been recently that I have learned to accept them. I was in denial, when it is a girl I would always try to distance myself from her no matter who she was. Only when I have learned they were unattainable, for example a friends girlfriend or a brothers girlfriend I would be willing to open up and be myself.

 

I have distanced myself from her for years, yet she stills hang in there for me. I care about her a lot and I hate that I continue to hurt her. When I spoke to her (the talk) she said, "So this is the new (my name) and smiled." For some reason that really made me happy. I want to change, and I hope I can.

 

She's been acting weird around me, ignoring me, I believe this is her way of avoiding conversation in effect avoid hurting me. I can tell you it hurts that she doesn't even speak to me. Yeah, I don't like to talk, but it hurts when someone gives up on you.

[stoneface]

Bump, would definitely love some advice.