Analysing, analysing over and over...anyone else?

[hausser]

I am on day 9 of NC and it's been tough today. When I'm alone I find myself constantly going over not so much the causes for the breakup but the process it took. Days where she seemed keen to get back together, then the next day was distant. Days where she asked to go for a meal, then the next was "too tired" to even bother coming up. Of course it's been 6 weeks now since the fateful words "if you're not happy, leave" were uttered. Anyway, anyone else do this constant overanalysis?

 

Bottom line is their gone.

[huntereyes]

i found it almost productive when i was over analyzing things because I found mistakes I made as well and ways to improve myself

 

how long were you two together

[hausser]

3.5 yrs. U?

[huntereyes]

...4 months, which I know seems silly compared t 3.5 years. But even after my 2 year relationship I found that if you analyze and actually open up your mind to all things and take steps back and actually analyze the relationship from an outsiders perspective, you find that you can uncover some hints possibly as to what might have happened and how to improve yourself. As well you might even uncover the positive and negative and find out whether its actually worth it.

[MasterPo]

It does no good to beat yourself up. She wanted out and now she has it. Let her go and work on you. You do that by taking it one day, week, month and even year at a time. Find something to keep you occupied ( work, exercise, travel, school, etc) and concentrate on that. If she comes back, I hope you are in good place and can see a future together or cut her loose and have your closure. I wish you good luck.

[hausser]

Yeah, and dont worry about the time thing, Paul Mckenna said the amount you "suffer" at the end of a relationship is relative to how much you thought your life in the future involved them i.e thought you were gunna marr have kids etc. He said that its regardless of length of relationship.

[huntereyes]

well you see, i didnt even know if i wanted to have children with him or get married. Thats what i had liked about us, i truly miss us being on the same page and how simple things were with us.

[hausser]

I hear you.

[TheJerseyKid]

It's my opinion, that the first several days/weeks following a break up, should be spent analyzing everything. After all, this is how you can usually find your mistakes, learn from the past, and put it toward use in the future. I think it's when it becomes so obsessive that you can't control it and the weeks become month(s) is when the analyzing becomes unhealthy. If you just force all your thoughts/feelings/emotions out, it really won't serve to do you any good in the long run, although it might soothe the pain temporarily.

[hausser]

Cheers dude.

[mat347]

Right there with you buddy, I deleted her number/info from my phone today. I realized i'm just playing a game with her. Last week she seemed happy to see me and told me to call her when I got back from my trip and we can go out. Guess who called, talked to her blah blah. Then guess who called her again but she was at the bar and said she would call back. Of course there was no call back.

 

Time to collect my self respect and never contact her again. No more games, no more putting myself out there. Chalk the three year up as a loose and move on I guess.

 

Sorry for hijacking your post, good luck to you.

[mad rabbits]

Yes I am familiar with the over analysis.

 

The thing that stopped it... the only thing that stopped it... is when I started to analyse it, but divesting my emotions and attachment to him at the same time. I tried to analyse it as if it was something that had happened to someone else, someone that I didn't really know or care about.

 

It was then that I started to come to terms with the reality, the objective truth of what the situation was about. It was really hard top accept and face that truth... but once I did, I started to stop obsessing and move on.