Am I being paranoid or am I right to be worried/confused?

[Lanyru]

Hey everyone.

 

So I went out with a girl, age 24, this past Monday who I met online after we talked for 10days through emails and one phone call before finally meeting. (She was the one who initiated, by the way, I don't know if that matters or not). Anyway, we went out for a good 3hr date, everything went great, gave her a cheek kiss, she kissed back. She also said she liked me. I asked her at her doorstep if I could see her again. She said, yes but she won't be able to see me until next Monday. I told her I'd call her tomorrow (Tuesday, after the date). If I have a good first date, I typically call 24hrs later. I don't know if that's a good idea or not, I just don't like waiting three days.

 

I texted her a few hours after the date had a great night, she said she did too. Next day, I texted her before calling just to make sure she wasn't busy. She asked me to call her tomorrow because she's going out. I call her next day, she never responded, I sent 1 text "how's your day going," got no response. But we did talk on facebook through status updates.

 

The next day I called her, no response, I texted her to call me back if she gets the chance, she said she would call me tonight, but she never did. Although we did text a bit later that night, and I did tell her I was at a concert that night, so maybe she didn't call because I was busy at a concert. But we did talk through facebook (not chat, just wall posts) that same night.

 

I know this week she's had family in town, she's moving, she's bombarded with busy stuff I get it. On the one hand, I feel like if she was no longer interested she would've just blown me off by now and not respond to my texts and facebook messages. On the other hand, I just feel uneasy. I texted her again this morning to congratulate her sisters graduation, to which she thanked me and again a little talk on facebook. I decided I'm not going to ask her if we can talk, and I'll just wait til Monday night to see if she wants to go out.

 

I just want a second opinion is all. Honestly, after writing all this, I realized I'm probably being a little paranoid, I mean why would she say yes to a date a week later if she wasn't interested. And she does respond to my texts/emails/fb messages. I just feel like she's being a little dry. There hasn't been any verbal communication between us this week. Maybe she's not big on phone calls, I dunno, I am. I just find it strange that I tell her I'd like to call her, and she doesn't answer/return my calls, doesn't acknowledge it, but talks to me via facebook or texts.

 

What do you guys think?

[wowjhulina]

Depends on the consistency of your conversations before you met. You say you talked online....how often?

[alli]

Well, she is still responding sometimes. I'm not sure why she would ignore some though. If you really like her, I would maintain about the same amount of contact for another week until you can go on a second date. If she cancels on the date & never initiates contact & stops responding, then you know to stop pursuing her.

[dudette]

I was thinking maybe 1) she's not big on talking on the phone and 2) maybe she also wants to come off as busy because you just met and she doesn't want you to think she doesn't have her own life.

 

but I'd say if you talk at all, in any form, everyday, then you're fine. especially since you really just met. maybe you should slow it down a little and wait until you said you'd call her. it sounds ok to me, just don't push too much.

[DylanNotorious]

No it's not really a good sign.

 

If she had no problem initiating all contact before you guys met, then all of sudden she does a kind of "houdini" act on you, then it's not all in your head.

 

I'd say she's only being polite when she is texting/facebooking you - but in reality she's probably hoping that you "get the message" and stop pursuing her.

 

Don't follow up with your date on Monday Night and see if she texts to see if it's still on. Keen people will text to find out.

[Lanyru]

The consistency of our conversations before we met was multiple times, and she would get back to me in less than an hour, especially the first day we talked over eharmony.

 

Since we went out on Monday, I'd say we've talked everyday online, but they haven't been long conversations, except for one yesterday when we talked about a Paul McCartney concert she wanted to go to in July. I said we'd have to go. She mentioned that it would be expensive because she wanted good seats and that it would be an investment. I said I'd go with her, she replied, "haha are you really gonna go with me? i plan to invest some dough in a good seat, but yeah - that would be sweet!" There was more chatting before that. Our conversations have not been long though.

 

I was just hoping for a good 30-min conversation to sort of catch up before our next date, because a week in between dates seems so long. As far as texts, she's quick to respond, and they're like 1 or 2 sentence responses, but I haven't really asked her any big questions that require long explanations.

[wowjhulina]

Eh, it could be like you said. Maybe she's just busy. Maybe she just needs some space while she sorts all this stuff out. Give her time.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I was also thinking this really didn't sound good, until you said "this week she's had family in town, she's moving, she's bombarded with busy stuff." Family in town...god knows what that may entail. And (I don't know how old you are), but do you remember ever moving? Putting everything in boxes. Carrying furniture around. Moving sucks. She said she was busy until Monday, but she said yes, she wants to see you again. Take a few deep breaths and give her some slack. It sounds like you're fine.

[Lanyru]

I was also thinking this really didn't sound good, until you said "this week she's had family in town, she's moving, she's bombarded with busy stuff." Family in town...god knows what that may entail. And (I don't know how old you are), but do you remember ever moving? Putting everything in boxes. Carrying furniture around. Moving sucks. She said she was busy until Monday, but she said yes, she wants to see you again. Take a few deep breaths and give her some slack. It sounds like you're fine.

 

I actually am optimistic. It's just the lack of communication worrying me. But you're right. Thank you

[michaelwiliams]

Exactly the same thing has happened to me this week.

 

I msg a girl via an iPhone app, we send dozens of messages to each other on the first day. Later she gives me her number and we speak for like 20 minutes.

 

Next day we are texting quite alot, average of 100 txts a day (we both got unlimited txts) Same level of texting for next 3 or 4 days. I finally ask her out, she agrees and we see a movie. After we go for a couple of drinks, there seemed like a decent connection between us (maybe I was wrong). The date lasts about 5-6 hours in the end, we ride the bus, I alight for my train station..I said she may as well stay on as it's the bus that goes right by her house, and it was raining. I even suggested meeting up sommetime next week, to which she agrees!!!

 

I get a txt later saying she had a great time, which I reply with a similar message, she wishes me good night with a last txt of the day.

 

Next day she seems different, a fraction of the texts sent.. I mean maybe 3 all day, next day the same and I didn't even bother sending any on Thursday. Since then..nothing, not a txt, not a call..nothing.

 

I will go with my gut that she didn't like me durung the date, and that shes sending me some crude msg that she's not interested.

 

I mean fine..shes entitles to her opinion, but why do a complete 180 to just the previous day?

 

I don't care really, and I couldn't see us progressing..I just dont understand her complete realisation in thinking..

 

Any thoughts?

[Lanyru]

I'm just gonna ignore her. If she remembers Monday, she'll get back to me. If not, move on. Being a nice guy costs me everytime.

[wowjhulina]

I would probably go for the too much too fast route on this one. I stand by my previous advice: give it time.

 

And if you don't care....why are you posting about it O.O

[michaelwiliams]

Wanted to post cause me and the op have something in common, honestly.. dating can be such a waste of time..encountering these types of people. I just wanted to vent a lil bit because a grown adult is acting like a child with me...

 

Anyways that's my first and last e dating..back to meeting people in real life..

[Lanyru]

Wanted to post cause me and the op have something in common, honestly.. dating can be such a waste of time..encountering these types of people. I just wanted to vent a lil bit because a grown adult is acting like a child with me...

 

Anyways that's my first and last e dating..back to meeting people in real life..

 

Ya, I hear ya. It's annoying. Guy is expected to do everything right down to a T, especially on the first date, one strike and you're out.

[Lanyru]

UPDATE: she just texted, and asked if we can go out Tuesday instead. From what I got from that is that she's not serious. But whatever, it's a second date I guess. So ya, what do you all think? How should I conduct myself til then? I still haven't answered her back.

[tresqua]

UPDATE: she just texted, and asked if we can go out Tuesday instead. From what I got from that is that she's not serious. But whatever, it's a second date I guess. So ya, what do you all think? How should I conduct myself til then? I still haven't answered her back.

 

Text her back that Tuesday is fine.

 

Send her one text a day, if she responds to any of them you can continue to respond back until she stops.

[jumper11]

It could be so many things.. I'm in a new relationship and I did what she did. My reasoning was busy, and I just met you, so I was still occupied with everything that came before the person in my life..

 

Communication is so all over/inconsistent when you first meet someone, and can vary so much.. As of now I'd let her contact you and assume she is busy

[michaelwiliams]

Cool man! So it's set for Tuesday.. In that case.. like previously said already..let her do the messaging and to keep the texting down to a very small ammount.

[Ms Darcy]

I still don't really think it's good.

[Lanyru]

I still don't really think it's good.

 

UPDATE: So I did tell her Tuesday works, this was her response:

 

"Awesome! Did we decide what we were going to do? (I'm sorry if we did and I'm just completely blanking out ... it's been a long week!). If not, would you want to have coffee/pastries at the Wormhole (it's a sweet coffee shop near Damen that has an old Nintendo system and lots of '80s stuff) and then walk around the neighborhood/check out some of the used bookstores & record shops? If you have another idea, definitely let me know. "

[Lanyru]

Cool man! So it's set for Tuesday.. In that case.. like previously said already..let her do the messaging and to keep the texting down to a very small ammount.

 

will do. She basically said what she wanted to do on the next date. I'm gonna leave her alone til then.

[Glowguy]

I'm gonna disagree here. She seems interested to me. Just play it cool and keep the communication to a minimum until the date to build some mystery. It sounds like you're doing fine. Good luck on the date!