Someone tell me I'm doing the right thing..the last straw

[Talk2much]

Basically been in LC with the Ex, met her once last week it was ideal. No relationship talk just light hearted stuff. Any how she has been getting a lot of male attention, and she seems to treat there attention a lot better than me. Anyway I'm off to New York in five days for a couple weeks. I don't like the situation I'm in and I feel very took for granted. She has been seeing other people but nothing serious. That hasn't bothered me as much just the pure fact she speaks about them and to them a whole lot better than me. I've noticed in the past when I get away for a good couple weeks from a break up I always come back feeling healed. I've always mentioned to her that one day she will lose me, and to be quite frank she has now. She says she is going to contact me to see me before I go away but do I tell her that I'm not putting up with it no more and been taken for granted for the last time. I've ordered a mobile so she wont be able to to contact me when I come home. Do I tell her this in person or over email?

[Talk2much]

This isn't me warning her either that if it carries on I will be gone forever, its me telling her I'm gone forever and I'm sick of it now

[Eocsor]

You are the fall back position, the in case of emergency break glass guy, the friendly ear to complain to. You can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for. You're already broken up so just e-maiil it to her. less drama that way.

[Talk2much]

Not going to go out of my way tell her that if she contacts me I will if not I wont. I do feel like I'm in a fall back position that after a few months of seeing others guys she can come back to a stable relationship. By that time I will be long gone and she will have no way to contact me. Good thing is I never done anything bad to her in anyway, so she has nothing to complain about.

[Gymboy]

Don't even email her dude, just concentrate on yourself and forget about her. She's using you and you obviously still have feelings for her so why do it to yourself? You won't get over her if you keep talking to her, especially about guys shes seeing.

[Talk2much]

I know, it doesn't bother me about the dating because it's just harmless, she says she is just having fun being "single". Most of the time she digs up information if I have done anything while being single, I just say no. To because to be fair only seen a couple of girls, both were awful by the way haha.

[Talk2much]

I came here from the getting back together forum to the healing one. Because to be fair I know it's time to move on its been NC and LC for to long. It needs to be firm NC I feel strong enough to know I dont need to rely on one person to make me happy. I can safely say I would be happy not being able to see or talk to her again.

[Eocsor]

I do feel like I'm in a fall back position that after a few months of seeing others guys she can come back to a stable relationship.

 

I doubt this very much. She's not out there dating light heartedly just for fun. She's looking to meet and get with someone else. In all likelihood she won't come back at all. You are just her emotional crutch right now. Time to go NC to heal yourself for real.

[Talk2much]

I understand where your coming from, that was one segment of what I said. Her friends have even said that they all know she is in the wrong, thinking she can go out and have some fun then come back to me in a while. I don't want to get back with her at all - quite the reverse. The OP was a debate to tell her when she next contacts me to tell her that I don't want to see her before I go away, and don't want to see or here from her again.

[Talk2much]

Just the question is whether to tell her face to face or email her... confused

[Eocsor]

Well, like I said you're already broken up so just e-mail it to her or simply dissappear. You don't owe her anything at this stage.

 

It seems like you're trying to get the greatest effect out of this which leads me to believe you aren't quite so accepting of it being over as you say and hope this will have an effect on her.

 

At this stage it shouldn't matter. she's out dating other guys. You have to do whats best for you.

[deavyin]

It sucks man but NC is the way to go. She is using you as a backup emotional blanket. She is also f'ing with your mind by telling you about these other guys. She wants to make you jealous because it gives her an ego boost. You already told her that she is going to lose you and you need to now show her through your actions that she has. Eventually one of these guys is going to stick and you don't want to be in the thick of things when it does. If you go NC now, before that happens, you'll be much better able to handle it when/if it does. Trust me, getting over a girl WHILE she is in another relationship sucks. It's probably the worst thing you could ever go through emotionally. Distance yourself from her now before you have to be in that boat.

 

Hate to sound pessimistic but it's reality. She wants to be able to see other guys yet have you around in the friend capacity because you guys have a strong bond. It's hard to just break a bond like that, i know, and so she is using you to fill that void right now.

 

Get out while you still can.

[Talk2much]

Your both right I need to show her what her actions have done. It's so hard because I don''t want to email her out the blue, thats just not the right thing to do! I don't want to sit around either waiting for her to contact me.

[deavyin]

Do nothing. Just disappear. Don't respond to her and don't contact her. It's tough but it really is the best thing. Just vanish.

[Talk2much]

Well I have her deleted on facebook already, delete all family members and close friends?

[deavyin]

yeah delete them all. Definitely the family members. Possibly the friends too if they are more her friends than yours. You need to get rid of all memories of her including people...they aren't in your life anymore, you don't need to up your FB friend count if it's going to cause you pain.

[Danny77]

DO NOT EMAIL.

 

If you do not want to talk to her again then just do it.

Don't tell people that youre not talking to them and why, as this only shows them that you wanted them to know this as its the affect youre looking for not the action itself.

 

Do you understand that? I hope that makes sense as when I read it back it may be confusing?

 

By telling her also you invite a response.

How will you feel if your response is something like "good, its about f**king time you p**ed off and left me alone to enjoy all my new guys!"

Coz when she reads your email she'll be defensive and probably send something hurtful to show that she doesnt care.

 

NO EMAIL.

 

Let your actions do the talking, not your warnings.

[doiiiieeezie]

In person, be fair to her. Then let things reshake when she finds out that you are really gone.

[Ms Darcy]

If she thinks she can come and go with you, and then she does come and go with you, you are teaching her that she can come and go with you. It sounds like you have taught her how to treat you.

[Talk2much]

Wow reading so many different ways of doing it haha! Either way it all points to one thing is and to let her know I'm gone for good

[Live-N-Learn]

You let her know by disappearing. Do not tell her, show her. There is nothing to say.