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After being Married for 10 years. I found out my Wife was having an affair . She wanted a divorce.

I moved out and started divorcee proceedings. I was devastated at the time .Also found out from her best friend that this was not the first affair she had . two others. After six months she asked me to come back as she felt she had made a big mistake. I eventually did and stopped the divorce proceedings (Looking back I did this for the sake of my three boys ages 6,8,10 at the time. )

Got my wife to stop working were she worked as this is were the affairs started.

Eight years passed and we were both happy with our marriage. Until one day my eldest son at the time told me that my wife is spending allot of time on the phone with someone which seemed to be suspicious. I recalled Itemized billing from my service provider. As my wife seem to have destroyed them. Surprise surprise one number came up 160 times over two months. Confronted my wife with the evidence and she denied an affair said the relationship was platonic. So once again I left and started divorce proceedings.

8 months later I met her distant second cousin, which developed into a good friendship after 2 months of knowing her we started a relationship.

Two years on . The relationship has been amazing up until a week ago . It was my weekend to have my boys . Up until now I have not told my children about the relationship . So in the past I would only sms’d my girlfriend over the weekend about 3 times a day . Last weekend however I only sms’d her once on Saturday as I also new she was going to spend the weekend with her Parents and sister, of which her parents are unaware of our relationship . I sms’d her again on Sunday morning which she said she never received .


On Sunday evening when calling her , she was so totally cold and usually I would pop around for a cup of coffee before going home , which she told me not to do. Since then all I got was the cold shoulder . She has said that by not sms her like I usually do made her feel that I was putting her on hold for the weekend . I accept my mistake and thoughtlessness I apologised to her and even sent her flowers this past Wednesday . Eventually on Friday evening I went to her place and asked her to please let me know what is going on. Her reply was that she did not know what she wanted . I said I would give her time to think about it me , but up to know I have heard nothing from her and she still is ignoring me. It feels as if she is torturing me to get back at me . Spoke with her just now and she explained that she was scared of telling her parents about me, what grief it can cause.

Don’t know what to do

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her reaction seems like an overreaction to me in relation to the lack of text messages ,but more then likely it is a symptom of her feeling left out and that this relationship is going nowhere. have you guys discussed commitment and exclusivity? it seems like maybe she is getting fed up of this all being a secret, which is understandable.


it is a very hard situation when you get involved with your ex's family, no matter how distant. is she much younger then you? there may always be tension and drama with other family members and at family functions etc. nevertheless if you love her, then you two better sit down and start communicating about where this is going.

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Hi Charity , thanks for the reply ,

The thing is about three weeks ago she introduced me to her 11 year old daughter .

This to me was a monumental step in the right direction. But now she is saying she does not know what she wants, the one minute she wants out, the next she does not know. We have been exclusive for two years . but the closer my divorce finalizes 7th October the more scared she gets . Her sister and husband are aware of our relationship . I have spoken to her about bringing us out of the closet for awhile , but all I get is one step at a time . I have none her parents for 20 years and they adore me . The only thing that comes to mind that might be hindering her is that she had an affair in her previous relationship 4 years ago which she did openly tell her parents so I think she does not want to disappoint her Parents again . She is 39 I am 45

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This relationship has been amazing , we were best friends , lovers and great companionship even though it was weird . only saw each other every second weekend , due to our family responsibilities .

Two days before the sms scenario , she send me a mail that she has never loved like this before and that I’m everything to her and now two weeks later she does not know what she wants . So I will respect her opinion and give her space and time . In the mean time I’m in pain and confused

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Just got mail from her , said that the guilt from keeping our relationship from her parents is killing her and she cannot go on even though our relationship was great . She has however stated that once my divorce is finalized in three months time , we will try again . Asked me not to sms her as it hurts her and she will not reply and knows it will hurt me. She also said she still loves me. What does one do carry on with hope or just close this chapter and move on ?

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