the arm violin.

[princessinblue]

I play the arm violin. It started with needles. then became scissors and then knives and finally razors. I cut for a very long time and then I made a promise to stop. I haven't exactly stopped, but I have brought it to a minimum and I'm really stressed out for various amounts of reasons and because I made that promise I have a bigger problem its depressing me even more not to cut. I now have thoughts of suicide,more then thoughts,I have plans. My boyfriend has told me he cant help me and I need to see a therapist. -I have no way of seeing a therapist-. hes basically given up on helping me at all and hes leaving for boot camp in a couple weeks even though its the last thing on earth I wanted him to do. So I will be stuck in this horrible house alone without my best friend and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do or what should i do? Is there anything I can do other then sit here and cry?

[Cuppedia]

Hello. Of course there are things you can do, some might be more difficult than others but the most important part is that you don't give up on yourself.

 

First of all don't think your boyfriend is abandoning you, he might have problems that he has to deal with himself, but I'm sure he still cares about you.

The therapist part is a good idea, but if you think that's not an option at the moment then don't worry, there are other things you can do meanwhile.

 

For example, you mentioned you made a promise to stop the cutting, that's good but you should have a plan B as well, an option for when you feel the urge or when you get depressed about said promise.

What do you enjoy?, what did you use to enjoy doing before you began cutting?

 

Make a list, take your time, as days pass you might think of new options and ideas, and you can keep adding new alternatives too.

Once you have that you'll find it easier to continue with your promise.

 

You can also try to postpone thinking about your suicide, tell yourself that you're going to think about it "later", don't try to suppress the thoughts, accept they are there but "change the subject" and focus your attention to what you want to do over the weekend, or perhaps you could watch a film, or surf some site you like.

 

I know it's hard but try to remain positive, don't worry if others can't seem to help you, that doesn't mean you are alone, it's just that sometimes we're the only ones who can solve certain problems.

[princessinblue]

Alright thank you and I have been trying. Im going out as much as possible ad trying my best, but I just dont see the light at the end of the tunnel

[Cuppedia]

Just have hope, even if nothing seems to suggest that things can get better, if you are doing the right things (looking after yourself) then your situation has to improve eventually.

I just noticed your avatar, if you made that yourself then you're quite talented.

[princessinblue]

Yeah I'm trying its been about a month or so now. I still get urges, but I don't think they will go away and I did draw it thank you

[Cuppedia]

Hi again. Well, I believe the urges don’t go, they just transform into something else.

They are part of a coping mechanism, which can be something productive or destructive, you know?, We all have things we can do when we’re super depressed, and the good thing is we can choose them.

 

Drawing is actually one of them, anything that involves expressing feelings and creating.

But yeah, you’re VERY good at it, it was quite amazing to see something so anatomy related, it’s rather unique.

 

Don’t give that up either, focus your time and attention on the good things you have and have a special talent for.