nataliarofl Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 So me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. He is 20 and I am 18. I found in his history a few weeks back an link removed confirmation link. It said that an email had been sent to his account. I approached him, and he told me not to worry & that it was just a pop up from a porn site Yesterday, i decided to do some checking. And i didn't like what I found. He has a complete description of himself along with the tag line "Ladies, add me if you want some fun. I'm always up for something different " I am so confused. I love him so much that a part of me doesn't even want to say anything. But then again what little I have left of my self respect says this is where I draw a line.... HELP! I need some advice... My mum suggested making a fake profile to see if responds but he hasn't paid membership & i don't want to & in that case I can't send him a message. Or maybe I should just leave it, keep an eye on the account & his usage & if he goes on it again say something???? ARGH, i feel sick to my stomach right now & i am seeing him tonight and have to pretend everything is as nice as pie for an entire long weekend. * * * * this crap. Thanks for listening guys, but yes advice would be appreciated. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I would keep an eye on it. I have an RSVP account. I have not accessed the site in over 10 years. But you need to know if he has accessed it recently and what his intentions with it are. History cannot be used as evidence as these types of things can and do come up regardless whether we want them to or not. I would watch that account like a hawk. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 what little I have left of my self respect says this is where I draw a line.... I would listen to that. Your Mums plan will take you into the realm of the crazy gf. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Dump him, you SO young! Don't play games with fake profiles or anything like that. You have found all you need to know about this guy AND you now know he has no problem lying to you. Sit down with him and CALMLY tell him that its over between you two because he has betrayed you twice (that you know of), the first being the account and the second lying about it. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 link removed Like i said, somethings come regardless whether you want them to. He could be lying about it, but on the other hand, he could not be. I am on the fence with this one. (just as a side note, fixing computers riddled with spyware/trojans/viruses and adware for sites such as this is what i have done for 15 years - BUT that does not automatically mean someone does not deliberately visit those same sites) Link to comment
Moontiger Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I highly doubt that a full description of himself "just happen" to appear on a website like this. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I highly doubt that a full description of himself "just happen" to appear on a website like this. All i am saying is, think before you leap. Just a word of caution. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 If you have proof that this account was made during the 3 years you've been together, yes, I would walk away. Have there been any other issues in your relationship, where he has given you a reason to not trust him? Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 oh honey you know exactly what you have to do. It doesnt sound like this was an old account. It sounds like it was pretty recent based on what you posted. Dont waste your time with the games and just make a decision. Do you want to be with him the way that he is or don't u? He has made up his mind on the type of guy he wants to be and you need to decide if you can accept it. He is 20. he is not going to change unfortunately. Im sorry you are going through this and be a strong woman and never settle for anything other than the best that you are. take care Link to comment
jengh Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 You're very young...and while that absolutely does not discount your feelings and emotions and love for this man...you're very young, meaning you have many many many years ahead of you to find a man who does not cheat. Not physically, not emotionally. I would leave him. A filled out profile does not magically appear from a porn pop-up. He created it himself. If you don't want to leave him, you're in for a world more of hurt because I can tell you from personal experience--this is not over. Link to comment
Andre12 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 He is young was looking at porn and maybe got the idea of a little flirt online and set up and account. I would doubt that he would take it to the next level and although it is deceptive I would overlook it for now. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 If you have proof that this account was made during the 3 years you've been together, yes, I would walk away. Have there been any other issues in your relationship, where he has given you a reason to not trust him? This...... Link to comment
jengh Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 He is young was looking at porn and maybe got the idea of a little flirt online and set up and account. I would doubt that he would take it to the next level and although it is deceptive I would overlook it for now. And that makes it okay??? If I found my boyfriend on a site like that, I would lose it. He may not intend to go out and have wild sex anytime soon, but what happens when a skanked out pretty girl propositions him for easy, NSA sex? Link to comment
Andre12 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I would doubt that anyone would go through with it. No it's not ok but at 20 your going to make mistakes and get carried away with things. I dont think she should leave him, especially without confronting him further with evidence and see what he says. Link to comment
jengh Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I would doubt that anyone would go through with it. No it's not ok but at 20 your going to make mistakes and get carried away with things. I dont think she should leave him, especially without confronting him further with evidence and see what he says. Exactly...things like having sex with strangers because it's exciting. And here's a little secret I don't often share. I was on adultfriendfinder many and many a year ago (in a kingdom by the sea..heh)...and I DID go through with it. It happens. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I would doubt that anyone would go through with it. No it's not ok but at 20 your going to make mistakes and get carried away with things. I dont think she should leave him, especially without confronting him further with evidence and see what he says. You say "making mistakes and getting carried away with things" but I call it "making a conscious decision to cheat on his girlfriend." I don't see the point in confronting him with the evidence. He has already lied once about the profile. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 As always Dramallama, you put it much better than I could have. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Put a keylogger on the computer and read the logs. You'll find out everything you need to know and there will be no doubt. Link to comment
jengh Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Put a keylogger on the computer and read the logs. You'll find out everything you need to know and there will be no doubt. Honestly, if you have to resort to this or a fake profile... what is the point of continuing the relationship? The trust is gone and without trust, a relationship is nothing. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Put a keylogger on the computer and read the logs. You'll find out everything you need to know and there will be no doubt. I have a few keyloggers i can share? Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Honestly, if you have to resort to this or a fake profile... what is the point of continuing the relationship? The trust is gone and without trust, a relationship is nothing. At least she will have hard, irrefutable evidence. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 At least she will have hard, irrefutable evidence. You don't need evidence to leave a relationship. You only need to ask yourself whether you want to stay. You are the one that has to live with them, so you only need to justify leaving to yourself and no-one else, not even your partner. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 At least she will have hard, irrefutable evidence. Right. Otherwise if she confronts him only on what she's got so far, he can weasel his way out of it and say he was just playing around and wasn't serious and she'll never be sure, and she'll always wonder. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 No one ever wants to believe their partner is cheating. It's normal self-preservation to bargain with yourself at this time, OP. But, you will realize this won't go away. It will needle you and needle you, and eventually be the demise of the relationship. I think catching him with someone or whatnot is irrelevant. He clearly put himself one step closer to cheating, which means he's one step farther from you and a commited relationship. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Are you sure it's a new account? I think I have an account on adultfriendfinder that I made a long long time ago when I was lonely, and bored, and horny but I just searched around a bit and then never went back. Link to comment
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