Am I less of a man?

[yeahyeahyeah]

Girlfriend dumped me, she thinks I am an emotional type of guy because I just told her that the break up was affecting me.

 

I am deeply hurting from the break up. I feel that my ego has been hit, and heartbroken. GF on the other hand, seems to be really chilled out and cool about the whole thing, I guess it is because she was the one who initiated the dumping. So has the upper hand. I try to be strong, but at times I feel so weak, and I feel like my sensitive side is such a bad trait.

 

Feel very vulnerable in the sense that I opened up to her so much, and now I am dealing with the process of deattachment.

 

Are men allowed to be emotional?

[guynextdoor]

Dude its normal for guys to get hurt over a break up. I'm sure she is pretending to play it cool. My advice is to go no contact, you don't need to tell her how you feel.

[Sim54]

Allowed to be emotional???

Do you think you have a choice?!

Of course you can be emotional.

And don't worry what some hard nosed chick is thinking and doing right now.

 

You got dumped and it hurt. i would avoid showing her your pain, as your ego is fragile right now, but you know, feelings are something we all have.

In this mad macho culture we have, so many men believe that feelings are feminine, and as many me think that feminine is a bad and weak thing, they reject them.

 

This is nonsense.

 

Don't worry too much. You define whether you are a man, no one else.

 

S

[MagzO]

I think it's actually better for you to be this emotional. Girls like that. She's just being a jerk and I agree that you shouldn't let her know how it affects you. Let the NC begin!

[mouseno4]

There is a balancing act between being emotional and being a wreck. Show your emotions and a girl will, without thinking it, analyse it and determine for themselves on a set of scales whether it is too much. To find the happy medium is impossible. If you be yourself and the level of emotion you show is too much for a girl - not compatible im afraid.

 

DONT FORGET - to most girls, showing emotion can and is a sign of weakness! You need to find one that is happy about you being who you are.

[corgidude]

The problem with society today is that it's still very much the opinion that "Men don't cry" and all that crap. Why is that? Men have feelings too, and it's not that men don't cry. It's just that it takes more for us to let down our guard and show our emotions than women, because we bury them down deeper. It doesn't mean that we don't feel the same things.

 

To date, I have never seen my own dad cry, because he was raised to believe that men aren't allowed to cry. But my mom has told me that when my grandmother and later on my grandfather passed away, he cried both times. It's not that certain things hadn't made him sad prior to that, but it just took a higher degree of emotional pain for him to let those feelings surface.

 

As far as letting her know how it affects you... yes, ideally, she shouldn't see you reduced to tears. At the same time, it's a very painful emotional experience, and we don't always have as much control over our emotions as we'd like to think. I've cried more times in the past month and a half than I have in an entire decade - no exaggeration. Not because I wanted to, but because the hurting was more than I could deal with, and I needed to release it somehow.

 

Right now, you need to show strength when it comes to her. That means not contacting her to show that your life can go on without her around. If she does contact you, again, you need to show strength and not tell her how bad you feel. Guilt and pity won't bring her back for good. If they bring her back at all, she's going to resent you for making her feel bad.

 

If you need to cry, then by all means, cry as long as you need to and as hard as you need to. The only thing you can't do is to let all these emotions pour out in front of her. -But since you're not contacting her, that should be pretty easy, eh? You have every right to feel your emotions, and it doesn't make you less of a man.

[Miss.Love2u]

I agree she is a jerk off. I bet a million dollars that if you were rude to her (girls like her, not good women) she would be all over you. it seems like she love's to see you hurt and that makes her feel better. ok if not and its really over why would she answer you calls. like everyone else side take the brake up as a good sign and leave this cold chicken dinner alone. And if men wasnt suppose to have feelings why were you born with them here is a little science for you----man have XY ZONES OK---AND WOMAN HAVE YY ZONES--- ITS IN YOUR DNA ITS NATURAL---SO YOU ARE JUST AS HUMAN AS US--- JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN WITH PROBLEMS DOSENT MEAN YU WERE..... START NC---AND WATCH SHE WILL BE CALLING YOU--- BUT DONT ANSWER.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes of course you are allowed to be emotional. But be emotional with safe people -- people you trust and love and who love you. DO NOT be emotional and vulnerable with an ex. She dumped you, so she chose to leave you and not be there for you any longer.

[mouseno4]

Yes of course you are allowed to be emotional. But be emotional with safe people -- people you trust and love and who love you. DO NOT be emotional and vulnerable with an ex. She dumped you, so she chose to leave you and not be there for you any longer.

 

Yes. Well said.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I agree she is a jerk off. I bet a million dollars that if you were rude to her (girls like her, not good women) she would be all over you. it seems like she love's to see you hurt and that makes her feel better. ok if not and its really over why would she answer you calls. like everyone else side take the brake up as a good sign and leave this cold chicken dinner alone. And if men wasnt suppose to have feelings why were you born with them here is a little science for you----man have XY ZONES OK---AND WOMAN HAVE YY ZONES--- ITS IN YOUR DNA ITS NATURAL---SO YOU ARE JUST AS HUMAN AS US--- JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN WITH PROBLEMS DOSENT MEAN YU WERE..... START NC---AND WATCH SHE WILL BE CALLING YOU--- BUT DONT ANSWER.

 

Both broke NC a few times.

 

She is abroad now, and the last time I spoke to her, she was telling me how she was writing to other guys online. I guess I provoked it a bit because I was telling her about a few girls showing me interest....To which I could hear from her voice that she was getting jealous as hell, because she started quizzing me about the girls. I told her, they are interested but I am need time to heal and get over you.

 

Still, she was saying * * * * like "I understand how you feel" etc etc. But it sounds like she is looking to get another "companion" quick, and I felt really * * * * ing * * * * . Like if our break up meant nothing, she said a few things on other occasions like:

 

"I think its ok if a girl dumps a guy, but its not ok if a guy dumps a girl, because men are supposed to be strong"

 

I was left shocked, and called her out on it. Told her that us guys have feelings too.

 

Her opinion about us:

 

"I haven't had a chance to reflect on us"

 

(her reason for breaking up was because she needed "space", what bull * * * * . It's been 3 weeks post breakup)

 

etc etc.

 

AT which point I just told her "that I will never forget her, and she will always have a place in my heart as she was the first girl I dated in my city", then just completely severed communication with her. I did not want to be on the recieving end of hearing her say "yeah yeah yeah I have a new bf" - will break me down completely.

 

As for being emotional, I said to her, "why do you think there was so much passion in our relationship, because I can be emotional" to which she agreed, but the general vibe i was getting was that she was very cold.

[mouseno4]

Yep. Cut her off, cut her loose and NC!

 

Oh and guys dump girls all the time.