What TO DO,and what NOT TO DO after a BU + how to get ex back

[betrayed911]

Hello,forum the girl i love broke up with me 1 month ago,ever since i've been reading stuff on the internet about broken heart and how to heal,ive read dozents of treads about how to get ex back and how to heal a heartbreak.

Of course i shared my expirience here and looked for an advice,most people just tell you forget about it go NC but it isn't that easy.So since i feel a bit better i want to start this tread so i can maybe help others.

First lets talk about what in any cases YOU SHOULD NOT DO:

 

1.Don't call you ex-delete his number so it will be easier

 

2.Don't beg them to take you back-if they broke up with you,that means they've already convinced themselfs that this relationship is NOT what they want-begging them will only make tham loose respect for you,and moving away from you 10x times faster-you dont want that!

 

3.Don't contact any mutual friends or family and talk about or ask about your ex-this is simply an ego boost for your ex,and will do nothing but make you look and feel later like a fool

 

4.Don't stalk your ex-this is creepy and confusing,what you may acomplish is freeking them out from you-but you woun't get them back

 

5.Don't try to negotiate about getting back together-this is again loosing their respect and making yourself look like a weakling-you dont want that,right?

 

6.Don't be revengfull or start talking mean things about your ex in public-you only make yourself look like an idiot.

 

Now if you don't do any of the above your chances of getting your love back are very very huge,but you must understand that if someone breaks up with you your relationship is over,and even if you get back toghether,it wount be the same it will be a new relationship.Part of getting your ex back is moving on,so keep that in mind.Here are the advices on what YOU SHOULD do after the break up:

 

1.The Golden Rule.Number one is the golden rule of both healing and getting back toghether,the most common word is this forum-yes thats right NO CONTACT.By cutting all contact with you ex you let them know that from now on they cant be a part of your life and know about your everyday.You use NC for healing,brokenhearts need time to reflect on things,realising what went wrong,seeing their mistakes,becouse lets face it guys,you need to change in order to be in any kind of a relationship,specialy the one you got dumped from...So start NC for yourself,and hope for a BIG COMEBACK!

 

2.The Last SMS.But before we go into NC their is one more last trick of our sleeves,a trick that will make them wonder,and think about you even more after the break up,or whenever you decide that you will stop making a fool of your self send a text,very short and up to the point,something like this ,,I agree with your dessicion about the break up,I think its best for both of us,but i cant keep you in fb,skp at this stage,maybe at a later time we can only be friends,,-What this does is showing them that you respect them you respect yourself and the dessicion,and it makes em wonder...

 

3.Delete ex from store away photos,gifts to a place where you wount see them)-from everywhere-seeing your ex at this point is poison for your ego,heart,for you and for the chance of getting back together.Let me explain a bit (this is my personal expirience here) now if you keep your ex in FB,skype,or any other website like that are going to stalk her statuses,music videos,contacts that wount result in anything good becouse you might get the wrong idea they want you back by watching statuses on FB or the love songs they uploaded,and at the early weeks of the BU you wount resist to contact tham i can guarantee,but as we said contacting them is only gonna make things worse for YOU!

 

4.Be strong!You're now at the worst period of a break up.You are going to be depressed feel as it your life has lost its meaning,you will stop eat,cry,sleep,smoke 20+ cigarettes a day,not wanting to do anything,waiting by the phone for your ex to call,this is a very hard period.You need support at this stage-this forum helped me alot,thats why i'm writing this here,join an online game,watch a comedy or a horror,no romantic stuff or songs,write down all the + and - of your ex relationship-this helps alot to ease the pain.Write a journal about how you feel and what you want to say to your ex,letting thise feeling out makes you feel alot better.Find a close friend to lean on at this period.Its very important to grieve at the lost-it helps you get over it faster.Just remember you have to keep No contact,everytime you brake it you are like day 1 of the break up,you WILL NEVER HEAL IF YOU ALWAYS BREAK NC.You wore dumpred you are the one that has to be called now the other way arround!

 

5.Freedom-link to happiness.Now you're free you can do all those things you thoud about doing but didnt have time while you wore in a relationship,you knooowww all those things that you just knew ex woudn't like to do with you,or even doing it alone.Go out meet up with friends you've neglected,socialize,go at parties,go at clubs,go in bars,smoke a big fat joint (haha kiding)make some crazy adventure that you will never forget(but possitive,not some bank robery )

 

6.Booty call.Yes you know what i mean,you heartbroken little scared,confused person,you.You're single now why not go out on a date,or maybe several,who knows what maight happen.Keep in mind that if you want your ex back you shoudn't look for anything serious-just have fun.Going out on dates after a break up is very helpfull it boosts our selfrespect,our ego,makes us even more determent to NC with ex.Dont think about what will your ex think if they find out about this,it was their dessicion to set you free so even if on the outside they show anger about this in most cases deep inside its actualy REGRET-they simply know that its their faulth,becouse they let you go.But remember if you want em back keep dates just casual and fun.

 

7.The realization.After some time has passed and your emotions are a bit more quiet,you must reflect on the past and what led to the break up,what wore YOUR mistakes,you have to grow and learn from this expirience and become a better person not for your ex or for your next-for yourself.

Spending some time alone will make you less emotional and you will become more clear of your real attentions-in simple DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS PERSON NAD MISS HIM or just want a relationship and miss the things that come along with having one.But you absolutly must give yourself and your ex time.

 

8.Don't fall for it.After some time of NC your ex will start to wonder do they still have power over you,are you still theirs,and they are gonna check it.So be ready for mixed signals something like ex saying she will not contact you,but does after some time-and you of course think a miracle has happened,emotions dictate your behavior and even by not saing you still want them it shows,and you know what happens next?They leave you again,and continue on their way to forget you,but they will come back again when they need an ego boost from you once more...Will you surrender all power to your ex?

What you should do in ,,mixed signals situations,, is be polite,short,and ,,always having no time,, and quick to say goodbye.Of course its very hard to leave this impression,so maybe not answering all their calls,texts is better.And look and sound confident,happy,cool.Truth is i'm in a mixed signals situation myself and its hard,but remember people want what they cant have!That's why you chase after your ex,and that is why your ex is gonna chase you,real love lasts for a few months after that its a whole different story.Sad but true.

 

9.You?No-a better you!Improve your visual looks,start going to the gym,make a new haircut,get some tan,definatly buy new clothes,buy a new parfume.By becoming a new you-your brain gets the whole idea of a new beggining easier,and lets not forget cutting all links with the pass,is what you want,right?When your ex sees you she wount see the person they dumped they will see a much better improved person,even your new parfume will make them look like you're a complitly new person,and that is atraction.

 

10.What you imagine-becomes reallity!Has any of you guys ever heard about The Law Of Atraction.It states that whatever you wish for,of feel like you atract it-i know it sound weird,but beeing at home depresed and thinking about what your ex is doing,or who they are with doesnt really help right?

So when you find your self stuck at home at some point,close your eyes and just imagine the two of you toghether,the places you are gonna visit,the words of love your ex will say to you,imagine kissing them,hugging them,imagine love not as it was but as it will be from now on,besides imagine try to feel as if like you already have it as if it's a fact now.Dont think,imagine,feel bad stuff when you're thinking about your ex EVER!What you imagine becomes reallity!

 

Something to remember about dumpers and dumpees

The dumper knows how to get you back,even if you've closed all doors he will forcely break them down to get you-if they want,remember that its soo true!

The dumpee has to accept the dessicion,and move on,they have to have selfpride,ego,and always know that IF IT WAS MEANT TO BE IT THEY WASNT GOING TO BE DUMPED!Keep your head hign ITS them that will beg us-they always do!

 

So there you have it,guys!If this helps atleast one person i will feel like my ex relationship wasn't for nothing,becouse I helped someone and I learned what i posted myself.I cant really remember for something else at this moment but i will update if i do!You can also folow my story from my other threads (they're not long).Hang in there guys,true love awayts all of us!

[lucasky]

How about... just being genuine and being yourself. Respectfully accepting the break up and moving on. If you miss your ex, and they seem receptive to hearing it, tell them. Live your life as you would. Don't manipulate things.

 

In my experience... that ALWAYS works out. It also takes a lot less effort and crazyness.

[LN1987]

So what if you made all the mistakes already? Does this = no hope?

[betrayed911]

well its about time you stop doing them,start NC for you but hope for a reconcile