A Complex Story

[AdamLaw]

Firstly sorry if this is the wrong forum.

 

Me and my fiancée recently split. For the past 6 or so weeks she was moody erratic, spiteful and not a very nice person to be around. I was personally convinced she was seeing another man cos she was always on her phone.

 

We split up two weeks ago she told me "I'm not happy. I love you but not as much as before, but I will always love you but I can't stay in a relationship I'm not happy in". So that was it in my eyes we were over.

 

Anyway I got a phone call from her Dad on Tuesday telling me "we found out what really been going on, there's good news and bad news, the good news is she is not cheating, the bad news is she was pregnant and has had a miscarriage this morning and lost your baby, she's in bits.".

 

I was stunned. She didn't know she was pregnant, she's had routine blood tests to determine what exactly was wrong, and her hormones are everywhere. The doctors guess she was 6 - 8 weeks pregnant going by the date of her last period. Her periods are always over the place so she just assumed it was late as usual.

 

What do I do here? I love this woman so much, it has reopened scars. I feel sad about the miscarriage and I am missing her so much.

 

I spoke to her on Tuesday and we arranged when she feels better we are meeting to discuss everything. But I am feeling so mixed up.

 

I want to cry but I can't seem to, I just don't know if I'm coming or going.

[Mephisto13]

Chalk it up to hormones and give it another shot. If she's not up for it...then you have your answer.

 

Whatever happens, just be supportive and understanding and not vindictive.

[tattoobunnie]

I seriously thought I had a staph infection from this hot tub I shared with some friends...one guy had it, and my friend hooked up with him, and I thought it spread.

 

I was exhausted, and so crazy, but not even realizing the extent of my crazy. Turned out I was 6 weeks prego by the time I caught on. I lost the baby too...and even when that happened, all the hormones made me crazy for a month afterwards...well, my bf breaking up with me one week after the event didn't help either.

 

If you really love this woman, be her friend right now. I visit her if you could. If the woman didn't want to see or hear from you, her father would not have called.

[AdamLaw]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I spoke to her Dad and he said she is in a "very dark place" and doesn't recommend visiting her, instead I have a bunch of flowers being delivered to her saying "thinking of you" nothing more.

 

I never understood the complexities of hormones but researching what she was like prior to us splitting it just fits in. She was sleeping non-stop, being irritable, flipping at the slightest thing. I thought she was having a fling with her sisters boyfriend because he was the only one she was normal to, the rest of us were dirt.

 

Now we know its because she saw him as someone who wasn't on at her all the time. She hated me, she hated her parents and sisters, and he was like a get out because he wasn't involved. But all of us thought it was suspicious.

 

Now I guess I'm grieving other the miscarriage and feeling so guilty that I thought that of her.

[tattoobunnie]

Miscarriages happen so often...people just don't always talk about them, but you should talk about them with your partner. She may be in a "dark place", but this was going to be your future wife. Don't give up. I'd call her. Find out from her if she wants to see you or not. You'd be surprised at how ashamed a person can feel afterwards.

 

My guy...the day after I got out of the hospital...he went to go drinking with his cousin, and stayed overnight. Honestly...a quick phone call to a woman you were planning to marry...will not hurt.

 

What were you on her about? Hate is a strong word. And I doubt she hates you and her family.

[Jaroslava]

Please hang in there. I know it's hard but from what you've said nobody found her herself, she needs you now more than anything, she may also need a bit of spcae I think thats so beautiful that you sent her flowers..a gentle and sweet touch..You too will need to grieve for your lost baby. Please have faith in your love and try and help eachother out... coming from someone who's engagement is on the verge of spiltting for quite different reasons....keep the faith xxx

[AdamLaw]

When we rowed she said on more than 1 occasion 'I hate you' when she split she said 'at the moment I feel I hate you because I am so miserable and it's your fault, I can't love anybody until I love myself and ATM I hate myself'.

 

Obviously when we split she was still miserable. She was getting in trouble at work cos of her attitude.

 

We had a little text message chat tonight and she was saying how she just wants to curl up and disappear. I told her 'I can't imagine. I'll give you whatever space and time you need but please remember that I will be here for you if you need me. No strings attached. '

 

So I can't turn up at her house. I have to let her go at her own pace.

 

I think a bunch of flowers shows someone you care. Nice simple message - no pressure.