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Feels like I'm forcing it?


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Well I'm not sure where to post this. I think this could cover about 3 sections... so I'll just post it here. I think I finally understand where my most recent ex, probably a relationship that ended up screwing me up more than I cared to admit, was coming from. When she ended it she said it felt like too much work. Of course to me I didn't think that was the case, I was enjoying everything about it... but now I realize I'm guessing she felt like she was forcing everything try to make the relationship work for her cause she felt like it should've been right.


I think I only realize this now cause I'm in a very similar situation. I've been seeing a girl for a few months who's perfect in so many ways. I really think this could be a great relationship if I make that commitment... but for some reason I feel like somethings missing, and because of that it almost feels like I'm trying to force it. I'm forcing it cause I feel like I'd be crazy to pass up this great girl! I mean feelings are definitely there with her, don't get me wrong. I just don't know why I'm not as crazy about her as I think I should be.


I dunno I just think I have a better understand of it. I mean when my ex broke up with me all her friends thought she was crazy. Everyone liked me and thought she was making a big mistake. If I stop seeing the girl I'm seeing now it'd be the exact same way with my friends. They all think she's amazing and think I'd be making a huge mistake if I stopped seeing her. It's like I see so many parallels now from the other side.


I'm just trying to do some soul searching and figure things out. I still think my ex made a mistake when she left. I felt like she thought she was ready for a relationship and it turned out she wasn't. Now I'm in the same exact boat. Am I not ready for a relationship?... or am I just not ready for one now cause I feel like while this should be the best thing ever, somethings missing? Would I be making a mistake too? Just like I thought my ex was? Would my actions confuse the girl I'm currently seeing as much as my ex's actions confused me? I hope not! Ug it's so much to think about and its been consuming my mind. I know the topic of a relationship is going to come up soon and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. I'd like to go in with a good idea of what I'd say but I have the feeling when it comes up all bets are going to be off, I'm going to fly by the seat of my pants. I wish I was sure but I'm questioning myself constantly. The girl I'm seeing is a great girl and she definitely doesn't deserve my indecisiveness.

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How long did you wait after your ex before you started dating again? It sounds a lot like you have unresolved feelings and maybe tried to mask them by getting in to a new relationship before you were ready. If she is really as great as you say, and you were able to fully recognize it, you would.


It might be time for some self-honesty. From this little thread I highly doubt you want your ex back, but that doesn't mean you have moved past what happened.

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a guy can be great and a girl can be great but that doesn't necessarily mean that they can be a couple.

while you two may be compatible and have fun and so forth, it sounds like you are missing that 'special connection' that make people REALLY WANT each other.

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Thanks LTS48 yea no doubt I've been dating a lot pretty much non stop. I'd say basically no down time from my ex leaving to me dating someone else and so on. I always told myself I should just take it easy and take a break then I went on to date more... I know it wasn't a good idea. I guess the unresolved feelings are really apparent now as I'm trying to commit. Still part of me thinks if I do commit maybe that'll be putting those unresolved feelings to rest and maybe I dunno do that? I dunno I confuse myself here.


Chairty - thanks! Yea you're right. I just wonder if there aren't other things distracting me from feeling the way I should feel. Unresolved things. The more I hang out with her the more amazing she's been so I feel like I just need to give it time. Problem is its been a long time already. I'm not trying to leave her in limbo. I feel like I'd be fine with a relationship and just seeing where it goes... if I don't fall for her I wouldn't lie about that.

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You should tell her that you don't feel a spark at all, and say it as kindly as possible. Maybe you and her can work something out so that it's less formal, maybe take it down to friends until you've built up a strong enough bond with her. What I think you might have is a square-peg-in-round-hole situation, and you just don't want to force that because as we all know, it won't work.


Being honest about it is the best thing for now... because you don't think you love her, and she shouldn't have to stay in a relationship where the guy has to hope he'll love her 'someday maybe.' You should also tell her that you don't know if you're ready for a relationship as well, and if anyone thinks you're making a huge mistake... then simply ask them if it'd be a bigger mistake to tell her you love her when you really don't. If they still think what you did is wrong, then tell them it's none of their concern.

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