He was so into me... but then turned weird?

[bubbletoes9]

Ok this guy I have known for about 7 years asked me out. I've been through a pretty rough 6 months (was living with my bf of 2 years, broke up, got back together, got engaged, broke up). Really crap. He knows what I have been through, we are friends but have never been super close.

 

So I was eventually moving past that, and then he started pursuing me. Then he asked me out on a REAL date after I kept knocking him back. He came to my house, met my family, was talking like he was my boyfriend. Took me out, paid for everything. Then I hung out with him all weekend, he said 'I really like hanging out, I could get used to this'. everything was great, texting all the time etc. We have only ever kissed, NOTHING more yet.

 

Then on Tuesday we went out (again, he asked me) but it was a bit weird. I was really tired from work and we weren't connecting that well, just really tired. I got really insecure that I wasnt being funny enough, talkative enough. The next day we were texting and some of the stuff I mentioned above came out ie. about that I was new to the dating thing and still adjusting but I still wanted to see him. He said we could take it slow and not rush. He was really sweet and said he was thinking the whole time about what I'd been through and so not to rush, just take it slow, see what happens.

 

Then today he was weird again. It's like the fun has gone in our texts. Then tonight he was going out for dinner with another girl (he said it was nothing, I do know he has a lot of girl mates that are unfortunately really HOT). He had a reputation of a player in his younger years, but the way he treated me over the last 2 weeks has been not player like AT ALL.

 

I just don't get what is going on, I'm not close enough to confront him and scare him off even more. But I feel really weird. I really like him and am scared he has lost interest.

 

What should I do??

[PaintWithLight]

Just relax. He is processing the new information he gained while spending time with you. He may have decided to take a much slower approach with you because something gave him pause. To push back harder will only spook him more. This could be a good think for you. You went through so much in the last 6 months that you can use this time to rebuild things on your own. He might have seen that you are still a little shell shocked. Take it slow and see if things become more steady between you two.

[bubbletoes9]

Thanks... I just feel like the 'spark' has gone. Im scared he has lost interest in me I feel it in his texts etc. How do I make it fun and flirty again?

[Ms Darcy]

Just relax. He is processing the new information he gained while spending time with you. He may have decided to take a much slower approach with you because something gave him pause. To push back harder will only spook him more. This could be a good think for you. You went through so much in the last 6 months that you can use this time to rebuild things on your own. He might have seen that you are still a little shell shocked. Take it slow and see if things become more steady between you two.

 

Totally agree. Guys are like blow torches. Sometimes he can be hot for you and sometimes seem indifferent. The more relaxed you can stay ... get rid of stress in your life, work on your confidence, heal from the past, date other guys if you are comfortable ... then the better off you will be. It very well could be a date with another girl. It also could be that he didn't feel a spark with you that night. But over the long term what matters more is how you deal with snags. IF you stay fun, calm, you'll attract the right guy for you.

[BriarRose]

At least he is honest about the fact that he is dating someone else. I think you should keep other options open. He is. Believe me, if he thought you were dating someone else, his interest would skyrocket.

[bubbletoes9]

So we had some new events this weekend. It was a long weekend here where I live. Like you all said, I tried to back off a bit, be a bit nonchalant. But I texted him on Friday afternoon, and again he was short with me and a bit weird, polite, but that's about it. So I said 'is it just me or did this get weird suddenly', and he replied 'bit of both'. What the hell?

 

So I went out with my friends, got a bit drunk, then later I texted him 'loser' just to joke around then we started talking. He said things got weird after what was said the other night (see the first post). I said it was nothing he didn't know and I don't know how to 'unweird it' so it was in his court. Then he asked if I wanted to hang out at his, I said no because I thought it was a booty call. I actually kissed another guy that night... I was having fun just being out with my friends etc. But he doesn't know that.

 

Then the next night I was out with my friends again, didn't text him all day, didn't hear from him I had another pash... again he doesn't know that. Then last night I couldn't help myself and just txt 'how was your weekend'. We started texting and he asked if I wanted to go meet him and his brother at the pub. I was too tired said no.

 

Then an hour later he text me asking me round. I kind of knew it was booty call but I was hungover and lonely so I went there. But we just talked on the couch for ages and had red wine and kissed and youtubed stuff. It was back to being all fun and flirty again. But then we had sex. I know I shouldn't have but I was so over it all we just did it. It was really good, the whole time he was saying to me 'I could get used to this' etc. He kept sayin how beautiful I was. Then cuddled me all night. He said he's not much of a cuddler so I needed to tell him what to do because he likes me.

 

Then today he had to work, he kissed me goodbye etc. We texted that morning, fun flirty, like it was. Then I txt him this afternoon and he was short with me again like before.

 

I dont get it. I WOULD say it was a booty call but then why did he go to so much effort to meet my parents, take me out etc. Then talk to me like I'm his girl, kiss me on the forehead, be all cute. He was SO into me, I don't know how he feels now but last night was like before.

 

I'm just totally getting played aren't I???

[istawurst]

i don't think he intends to play you, even if it kind of feels like it right now. he freaked out and is starting to come around. you two rekindled something which is a step forward, but having sex under those circumstances might have made it a large (maybe somewhat uncomfortable) leap forward. just see how things go. don't put too much pressure on him and try to avoid "booty calls" and similar situations.

[bubbletoes9]

I know but its so hard. He didn't call or text today. I think its over. I just dont know why he'd be so affectionate and close then just brush me. Why are guys so weird???

[SuziQ1980]

Run like the wind! This will only lead to heartache for you! Read my post, almost identical, only I didn't sleep with him. Adding sex always complicates things.

[Ms Darcy]

Are you serious? Honey, who cares why he's so affectionate. Why are you participating in being the booty call with a guy who is short and inconsistent with you?