lex140 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 To the ena community, My ex and i were together since we were 14, we are both now 20. We broke up about a month ago and went no contact for about 2 weeks before he asked me for a scarf of his back last week, which i have given him back etc etc. Long story short, he told me that he liked someone else when we broke up. When i gave him his scarf back he told me just how hard he has been trying to get his hands on this new girl. I dont know if she is interested but he is sure getting close to snapping her up. it can really depress me thinking about him with someone else. is there anyway to get over this? How the heck do you stop thinking about him being happy and pursuing the crap out of this other girl?! man doesnt this just suck! Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 There is really no way to just shut it off. What you need to do first is make sure you have given him everything, so he has no excuse to get in touch with you over something like the scarf. Then, as hard as it is, you should cut all contact with him and let him pursue his happiness. He may find out the "grass is not greener" with the other girl. He was a fool to let you go, and he may, or may not figure it out. In the meantime, you will keep your dignity and self-respect by being strong, and building on that strength. Link to comment
OrangeSlice Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 You just have to give it time. There is a way to control your feelings that you can stop emotions, but this takes years and years of meditation and training. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I'm so sorry. I know this is painful. Its like watching a train wreck over and over. I watched a guy I wanted really badly get run over time and time again by another woman who led him on for over 2yr. It stung. I was miserable. If she hadn't popped her head into the picture we'd be together... It took me over a year and half to get past it all. But, I did... I did pick myself up and moved myself forward... it was hard... one day at a time. I'm now married to wonderful man. And, my guy I pined for? Well he is lonely, single and totally regrets leaving me by the side of the road. We are still on good terms and friendly. It stung him a bit that I had someone new and fabulous while he spent 2years chasing a ghost instead of the real deal. I know exactly what you are going through and your best bet is to be involved as little as possible. Don't be this guys friend. Get into another activity to make new friends - you might discover something you never knew about yourself you didn't realize. I know its tough because you probably saw yourself together with this guy and kids and the whole deal. I was nearly engaged and married to a guy in college I thought the world of - it collapsed and it took me awhile to get back on my feet. But, looking back 20yr later I laugh because I would have felt so trapped in that marriage. I did so many things with my life in the last 20years - so many adventrures. I'm glad I didn't get married 20yr ago - I would have been so miserable. So its hard to see right now while your heart seems forever crushed but life does go on and sometimes it goes on to something more amazing than you ever thought possible... so hold on... it might be a bumpy ride but one well worth it! Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 The best way to get over it? Stop having contact with a lout who would dare to tell you how hot he is for another girl now! How insensitive of him to even bring that up with you when he knows you want him and are hurting. Just stop having anything to do with him. Block all contact with him and don't visit his pages anywhere. He can chase all the women he wants, but not with you hanging around having to hear about it or to be his best bud while he continues to rub your face in it. Just give him the boot. Link to comment
20pence Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Hi hunny I'm so sorry that he's being so horrible, you don't deserve that after so many years you've spent together. I've been through the exact same thing & the only advice I can give you right now is please just give it time. I know it's a cliche but time does wonders on a soul. Also, i know you might not think about this right now but how about thinking "well he's moved on, that sucks but it does also now give ME the motivation to try to move on now". Plus, I agree with Forum guy, he may find out that the grass isn't greener with this new chick..he may miss you & you would have moved onto something better When that happens you're going to feel great. Don't look too far into the future okay - take it day by day. If you're feeling frustrated go for a quick jog, and buy LOTS of new clothes (that's what I did, retail therapy really does work!) Good luck, hun. G x Link to comment
deavyin Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I have to agree with everyone here. It may hurt right now and it will probably hurt for a while but youll get through it. I was with a girl for 5 years who left me for my best friend. They lasted for a year amd a half. I thought i was going to die and theyd be together forever. Its 4 years later and honestly i could care less. Even if they were still together i wouldnt give half a damn. I seriously thought my life was over though and id never find someone as special as her again. 4 years later and i find my recent ex. It was only 3 minths but for me i had found the one. I fell for her intensely. She left me for another guy and i work with her. Its incredibly hard everyday but i know ill get over it because i did before. You just have to keep telling yourself that. It wont always bring you solace but its always the truth. Right mow you dont want to get over it and i totally understand that. However, you dont have control over the situation. He left you for another girl and hes an ass for that. Your body is doing what it has to in order to cope. Eventually your body will do what it has to in order to move on. You cant control this. You can only make it easier on yourself by cutting him out of your life. Im sorrry we are all going through this. Its one of the worst most selfish thing a person can do to us. Well be alright though. The human body has a high capacity for love and pain. It doesnt have the ability to hold onto either forever. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 what a jerk for him telling that he wants another chick! The best is to go NC and let yourself heal. hugs, it will get better. just look after yourself. Link to comment
iwannarun Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 First of all...the fact that he told you he wanted to get with another girl is a jerk move. And you're better off, for that matter. Second. You'll be fine. It just takes time. It might even take you having feelings for someone else to completely get over it. But you will get over it, that I promise you Link to comment
lex140 Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 wow thank you so much everyone for all of your replies. It is so horrible right now to think of him with someone else. But I do not control the situation, and i guess i have to keep reminding myself that it is silly to get so worked up and upset over something that i truly do not control. I think in some ways i am in denial about this entire situation and it hasnt really hit me that he will be spending his time with this other girl from now on. The worst of it all is that I cant help but think that he is better than me or is having a much better life than ill ever be able to have. It sounds so pathetic but i just cannot seem to shake this feeling. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 wow thank you so much everyone for all of your replies. It is so horrible right now to think of him with someone else. But I do not control the situation, and i guess i have to keep reminding myself that it is silly to get so worked up and upset over something that i truly do not control. I think in some ways i am in denial about this entire situation and it hasnt really hit me that he will be spending his time with this other girl from now on. The worst of it all is that I cant help but think that he is better than me or is having a much better life than ill ever be able to have. It sounds so pathetic but i just cannot seem to shake this feeling. I understand that feeling quite well. I often feel that way now when I realize that all of my friends are in relationships and I'm the only one that's not paired up. When I start to have thoughts like this, I think of all of the things I get to do that they can't. I don't have to ask anyone's permission to do anything, I can go wherever I want, etc. Just the other day I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and I was telling her how I crave a long term relationship because since my first ex, I haven't been able to sustain one for longer than 4 months. Then she told me that she envied me because he has been with her bf for close to 4 years now and wonders sometimes if the grass is greener. If you think he's having a better life than you, then make your life the best you can. But do it for yourself. Link to comment
lex140 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 yes i agree with you. I think i feel like my life is so bad now because i had all these plans and wants for him to be there with me for the rest of my life. Now that he has gone, its like i cannot possibly have a good life... my plans have just come to nothing, in fact less than nothing!! I am scared i will never meet anyone else, or know how to meet anyone else. That scares me a lot. I guess everyone is right: it is going to take time. I need to stop comparing myself to him and wondering what he is doing with his nights. Link to comment
cjones22 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you will get through it. He disrespected you by talking to you about another girl. You're much better off without him. No contact is the best solution to make the pain easier and to speed up recovery. Just take it one day at a time. Good luck! Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 What a worthless sack of poo he is for saying that too you. That is the one of the rudest most inconsiderate things ive ever heard. Unfortunately only time will remove those feelings. Come to terms with the fact thats what he's doing, don't deny it in your head and use that as a method of getting over him. Link to comment
blahx2 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 My ex just got a gf too, 2 months after breaking up with me. We went out for 2 and a half years so I have no idea how he has moved on. I feel so annoyed with him - he's been such a good bf to her. Everything I had wanted him to do while we were together, he's doing for her which really really hurts. I feel so betrayed. I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart. But you need to take it day by day and it gets easier. Cut contact too, I used to talk to my ex till about last week and it hasn't helped at all. It just makes me angry when he mentions what they have been up to and stuff. Time heals everything, you need to take it day by day and distract yourself by doing stuff you like Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 What a worthless sack of poo he is for saying that too you. That is the one of the rudest most inconsiderate things ive ever heard. Indeed. I hope you can remind yourself that the guy you want wouldn't act like this. Link to comment
lex140 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 I know he is going out tonight with his university friends, and it is highly likely she will be there. I am at home doing an assignment, lucky me!! So i guess, in my mind now i have to start accepting this. Theres absolutely nothing i can do about it. and chances are that they will get together now. He has absolutely gone to hell and back for her... on the weekend he walked for about 45minutues at night in the cold to try and meet her, then caught a taxi to where she was after walking and then had to go home! and hes still interested. he never ever made this much effort with me!! he never even wanted to pick me up from work!! mtom - He was pretty mean about it all actually and pretty heartless. blah- i totally get how you feel too. but i guess we just cant get too upset over things we cant control. lets just get through this as quick and as positively as we can! No contact is going to be so hard. But it seems like it really is the only way... not fun Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 My ex just got a gf too, 2 months after breaking up with me. We went out for 2 and a half years .... I feel so annoyed with him - he's been such a good bf to her. Everything I had wanted him to do while we were together, he's doing for her which really really hurts. You made him better for the new girl. And he has helped you learn lessons for your next relationship. Learning is a good thing. Don't feel like you have lost anything. You have gained insight. Link to comment
blahx2 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Ms Darcy I know what you're saying is true and that in time I will believe it. But right now all I want to do is slap him and hug him at the same time. I hate how confused I feel. I wish break ups were easy to get over. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Ms Darcy I know what you're saying is true and that in time I will believe it. But right now all I want to do is slap him and hug him at the same time. I hate how confused I feel. I wish break ups were easy to get over. Oh I understand. My mother told me, about a week after my first break up many years ago, that I made my ex better for the next girl. I hated that. But I soon (months later) realized that the relationship/breakup made me better too. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Keep busy and try not to think about it. You need time to yourself before you can get involved again - he'll figure that out the hard way. Link to comment
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