He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man.

[angelheartjosh]

Hello,

 

My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me wanted to be with me, he cried to me, he was sorry that so much time had gone by that we were apart. I told him it was a good thing that we grew as adults and matured and learned from our past.We do love each other very much he has been working very hard which before he did not have a job.

 

well he still lives with his live in GF who is much older than us we are 35 she is 46 he is not in love with her, and was planning on leaving her to come home to me, we kept in contact for about 3 weeks and I didn't sleep with him, I told him not until he left her that I would he respected that, I seen him about 3 times and we talked on phone everyday for 3 weeks, he had even told me he told her he was leaving her cause he is still in love with me....He has been with this woman for 7 years she treats him like it's her son, he says though when he is with me and my son I make him wanna be a man and go to work and tAKE care of us, rather than a woman taking care of him.

 

Well after the 3 weeks he told me he had to tie up loose ends with her pay some bills he was also getting layed off I believe not sure, and after he would be coming home to myself and my son. I never heard from him again that was 1 month ago I am so confused as to why???? Why did he say he wanted to be a man and tell her he was leaving her to come to me?? But at the same time couldn't tell me he chose to stay with her??? He never told me anything!!! Someone please help me see from the outside in, what really happened here? Thank you.

[dramallama]

Actions speak louder than words. I think that next time say something like, "call me when you are completely free to be in a relationship, and would like to pursue reconciliation with me. If you are still living with her, or tying up loose ends, don't waste my time by calling me before you are in a place to be in another relationship. Thanks."

 

I would guess that he never had the intention of leaving her. Who knows what was happening between them? You only ever heard his side of the story. You say that he loves you, but his actions are not saying that at all. If he loved you, he would be WITH you or be taking action for that to happen. Not just telling you that he misses you and loves you, then disappears for 3 weeks. What loose ends require him disappearing for 3 weeks anyway? What couldn't have been done over the phone or by email?

 

You said that during the break you saw each other for the whole year. Did you have any contact at all during that time? Were you still facebook friends? Do you feel that you were counting down the days, or genuinely moving on? The trouble when you put a time frame on NC (we can be friends/in contact again after X amount of time), instead of grieving for what is lost and moving on without your ex, all you are doing is watching the clock, waiting for the time when you can be in touch. It's co-dependant. I don't recommend it.

[Moontiger]

Read, "He's Just Not that Into You" and always avoid men who have GF of any kind.