I don't understand why he acts like this, I can't handle the distance.

[Madamdiva007]

Hey guys,

I'm here posting again because of how distant my bf is being towards me. He's been so hot and cold with me the past few weeks, and it's really starting to get to me. He's done this before, and he's come around and everything has ended up being fine, but now he's doing it again. I think the last time he was acting like this was back in the winter, but since Feb everything had been absolutely wonderful between us. We were getting along so well, he was constantly telling me how much he loved me, it was great. We were so happy. And now, he just doesn't seem happy or something.

 

I ask him whats wrong, and he says nothing. I've asked him several times if we are ok, if the relationship is ok, and he says yes. I don't want to keep bringing it up and asking him, but I don't think he's being completely honest and straightforward with me.

 

Because of my work schedule ( I work nights) I only get to spend Wed, Thu, and Sat nights with him. I didn't get to see him tonight because I got a new cat and I didn't want to leave her alone all night. It worked out well though because he went bike riding with his friends for a few hours after he got off work. We had made plans to go bike riding together tomorrow, but I remembered that I had already made plans with my friend last week. When I told him this, it seemed like he got kind of upset. He basically said well, I guess I'll just see you Saturday then. I told him that I was still planning on coming over to stay with him after I had dinner with her, but he said he would already be in bed by then. I've gone out with her several times before and gone straight over to his house, and its never been an issue. I usually see him Friday nights too before I go into work, but I guess he has plans then too if he isn't planning on seeing me until Sat.

 

When we hung up the phone tonight, I could tell he was irritated. He said he was gonna take a shower and get into bed. I asked him to text me later, and he said he would in 10 minutes. Right after we hung up, I texted him saying I really don't want to wait until Saturday to see him. He never replied. Its been an hour and I haven't heard from him. I guess he's ignoring me? Or maybe he fell asleep...

 

Is this how relationships go? Do people drift apart like this from each other and then get close again? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing to make him act like this?

[mouseno4]

I will take a shot in the dark and say he wants you, but he knows he pretty much cant have you. Mostly because of scheduling conflicts. Honestly i dont know how many people who work opposite ends of the day can ever work out. Whilst one sleeps, the other is at work, and vice versa. I think it is really starting to annoy him that he cant see you. I think the bad part, if that is true, is that he is unwilling to talk to you about it.

[tresqua]

He sounds like hes the type to do the "sulking" thing, which is a passive aggressive manipulative way to make you feel bad and give him what he wants.

 

Suggestion. When you are in a relationship with a guy, and he pulls back and gets distant do not do the whole insecure needy clingy thing and say "are we ok, is the relationship ok" because it's really a turn off and it's only going to push him further away. Give him his space, leave him alone and he'll come around if and when he's ready. If he's gone, then there's nothing you can say or do to change it, and if he's on the fence, you'll only push him off the other side of it.

[H2OBaby]

stick to your morals, kill him with kindness and act like you don't even notice that he is upset. It will bother him even more but will show him that you are not going to give in to the passive aggressive manipulative way that tresqua is speaking of. My husband is passive aggressive. He never gets mad, but also uses this tactic to try to get a rise out of me. Ignoring his bad behavior and being kind and sweet always works. When things are good between you and him again, bring it up that you like someone who is open and honest about things that upset them. That you more appreciate it and respect it when someone can come right out and say how they feel. A relationship needs communication to work.

 

Hope this helps!

[mouseno4]

Yeah i am afraid if i am angry at something or someone, and they act all kind and sweet... annoys the crap out of me. LOL!

[Madamdiva007]

Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. I wasn't sure if I should be super sweet with him and like nothing is wrong and everything is ok, or act distant with him and let him come back to me. But I guess I'll be super sweet to him whenever I talk to him but also give him his space.

 

Should I cancel plans with my friend so I can spend the night with him? I'm just afraid that if I don't see him tonight it will push him even farther away. Also, should I say anything to him about him ignoring me last night? or just let it go?

 

Thanks again for your help guys

[mhowe]

no, don't cAcel your plans, and if I were you, I'd back off on asking again and again what is wrong. He'll tell you when he's ready or not --- pecking at him isn't going to suddenly make him want to "talk" aobut it. And no, again, don't ask is your asking upset him. Relax. As you've said, you've been thru this before and it's probably something that has nothing to do with you.