Issues at home seem simple but aren't

[oddfuturewolf]

I am a 16 year old boy who has been having some difficulty with my family. My parents accuse me of being disrespectful, and I know to an extent that I am, but it just seems that they refuse to accept me for who I am. My parents are both hard working individuals, and have broken there backs from day one. I am the exact opposite. I'm a lazy person who only chooses to work hard in the things that I want to. School has been crazily frustrating this year mainly because of my grades. I am pulling a C in chemistry right now and my parents are demanding a B. Somewhat, I've lost all willpower to try because it just leads to conflict and making my life harder. School has never been for me and my parents consider themselves highly intelligent ( both are Ivy league grads.) I don't feel school is what I want, and yes I plan on finishing high school but my true passion lies in acting. My parents are very understanding people but they won't seem to leave me alone. I also have minimal self confidence to add to my varied issues. No self confidence, family issues, and I'm wondering if this last week of school will even be tolerable.... please help

[Ambiguous X]

A B isn't an ureasonable demand. Get a B and still become an actor. If you want to be an actor you are going to have to put up with alot of crap and still have enough emotional endurance to perform.

[Tique]

There are many people who have a similar mindset like you, and they have turned out to be extremely successful individuals (that is if you measure success by how much you own and how much money you're bringing home).

 

I think the reason your parents are being so hard on you is well, (1) they're parents lol. (2), they probably think that you're going to turn out to nothing because in their minds you're not trying hard enough. They see your laziness as the flaw that's gonna bring you down.

 

I don't know, but, probably you could try talking to them about how you feel, or have you already tried this?

 

If your parents listen to reason and logic you could also try discussing with them your dreams of becoming an actor. Write down your plans and discuss it with them. Show them how you plan to realize this dream. And, show them your backup plan as well. Let them know that you're not just floating by through life. That you know what you wanna do and you see the path you need to take to get there.

 

All the best. Hope I was able to help.

[oddfuturewolf]

I appreciate the comments thanks everyone. As for talking with my parents I've tried, maybe I need to have more patience?

[alli]

I don't agree with you that trying harder in school will lead to more difficulties. I really don't think getting a B in chemistry will ever come back to haunt you. Quite the opposite actually. Low grades will put you at risk of getting yourself on academic probation, losing any chance of funding for college, can lead to difficulties getting specific classes transferred to fulfill requirements if you continue your education. I had a lot of tutors in college. I lined it up right at the start of the class, if I knew the class wouldn't come easy to me.

 

I'm not saying don't try and it's impossible, but like trying to get into professional sports, most people don't have a whole lot of success. A small number are extremely successful, but most people will never be one of them. In the meantime of trying to establish an acting career, you're still going to have to have money to buy food, pay your rent, buy a car & gasoline, pay utility bills, cell phone. It doesn't matter what your parents think or want. The bottom line is sometime very soon, you are going to be the sole supporter for yourself. If you rebel and decide you won't "try", you won't eat. You will lose your house. My aunt had a rough start as an adult. She tried to cheat a little on the assistance the state provided to her, and she went to jail for a couple years. She's not a bad person, but people do desperate things when they don't have money to feed themselves or their kids.

 

You're only 16 and still have a ways to go before you will have to support yourself. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you rebel and quit doing anything productive, the only person you're hurting is yourself.

[oddfuturewolf]

I'm not attempting to rebel, I want to do well and fix things. But it's gotten to a point that I've tried just about everything to please my parents. At the end of the day I'm lazy and I can't quite get all of my work done etc. I've been diagnosed with high ADD and ADHD and it's just a curse at the core. All the meds I take don't always help, and when I don't take them I have the attention span of (oh look a squirrel!) lol. You get the point. It's bad

[alli]

I'm not attempting to rebel, I want to do well and fix things. But it's gotten to a point that I've tried just about everything to please my parents. At the end of the day I'm lazy and I can't quite get all of my work done etc. I've been diagnosed with high ADD and ADHD and it's just a curse at the core. All the meds I take don't always help, and when I don't take them I have the attention span of (oh look a squirrel!) lol. You get the point. It's bad

 

Actually, when I wrote out that whole thing I had a college student in mind, then noticed you were 16. So you aren't like in a dire situation to support yourself right now or anything. Just keep the big picture in mind.

 

I'm no expert, but maybe you should see someone to assess if depression is a possibility. You call it laziness, maybe it's really lack of motivation. Unable to get oneself to do something, even if you know in your head it's important. Or it could just be the ADHD, or just being a typical 16 year old. Not a bad idea to see a school counselor anyway.

[oddfuturewolf]

I have wondered if depression may be the case. I'm not thinking like I used to. It's weird. I'm not the same person any more that I was 2 years ago

[alli]

I studied psychology in college, and I just learned recently that depression doesn't just mean being sad, crying, not doing anything, etc. It can also look like irritability (like everyone is just ticking you off), not being able to concentrate on one thing at a time. Like instead of laying in bed doing nothing, you're going a million miles an hour and getting no where. It can look like a lot of different things. If it just feels a lot harder to do things than you know in your head they should be, maybe you should get it checked out.

[abitbroken]

I am in the performing arts. I have news for you. Being an actor can be a very demanding job. It can be physically demanding for sure. It can be emotionally demanding. If you are good at what you do, you don't fall in love with your costar because you have to pretend to be or hate the person who plays the villain in real life, but more so the emotional demand of working strange hours, being shuttled around, etc, which is not always spectacular for family life all the time. Where I failed at times is the memorization part.

 

Anyway, the reason you stink at chemistry is that you are very intelligent but you don't apply yourself. Do you have subjects that you are very good at and don't have to study it seems, and then there

s chemistry? I think you don't do well because you feel you can't relate to it. Sometimes, read the back of packages of things around the house and notice how they have similar ingredients, just arranged in a different way and do something completely different just to get your head thinkign in that direction. Get a tutor. It will help. Why not pretend you are playing the role of a famous scientist? You know if you were preparing for a role, you would have to learn a little of the language or the skills, etc. of the person so you felt you were credible at what you were portraying, right? Think of it as that way.

 

High school is important. If you want to act, they give out talent scholarships, but mostly if you don't get decent grades in high school, the university isn't going to let you in the door to choose the acting and theater curriculm. And you may think you can just start acting, but being trained really helps. Most actors don't get starring roles right off the bat. Working actors do summer stock, dinner theater, small productions, etc, to pay the bills until they get a connection or the right audition (and I noticed often classmates or former professors tend to recommend someone for the role)

[f1r3f1y3]

I HATED school with a passion at your age but there was 1 subject I loved and I made it my mission in life to make that my career.

 

I was far from academic so I picked a University that was reasonably easy to get in to. I needed 2 Cs and a B to get in. I scraped Cs in Maths and English (I cannot express how much I hated these subjects) with extra tuition and just forcing myself to open the books and try to take it in. I got an A in computing, my passion, got through Uni and now I'm doing what I love, and getting paid for it.

 

My advice:

 

You called acting a "passion". That's great, you have something in life you love. Many people have no idea even into their 20s and beyond. What grades do you need to get into an acting school? Build a plan. Your parents will respect you for this even if it's not what they want for you.

 

Get your head down and achieve it. A C in chemistry doesn't matter if you only need a C. As my dad always says "you only need what you need".

 

You must learn to apply yourself even in tasks you are not interested in, this is a key lesson you learn in school. Nobody likes every subject.

 

On the parent issues, they only want what is best for you. You may think it's tricky in your situation, parenting is no joy ride either. There is no exact science for the parent-child relationship. They want you to be successful in the future, what's wrong with that? Show them, don't just tell them, you have a passion and will work for it.

 

And on the depression stuff. My nonprofessional opinion is that you are not depressed, you are lazy. It's time to build some goals for yourself. Forget all the other crap, just figure out a) what do I want to do with my life and b) what do I have to do to get there. It doesn't have to be Ivy league, it doesn't have to be the most difficult route. Just work towards something that will hold your interest long term.

 

I think the friction is because you are focusing on what your parents want and not on what you want. And they are focusing on what they want because they do not see you working towards anything.