My friend loves me and I don't feel the same way. Now what? :(

[TearsofFate]

Alright well, this isn't what this post is about but I think I should put in some background info. I'm getting over a break up (this happened a few days ago). I left my ex (who isn't the friend in the title in this post) because he broke my heart by hanging out with a girl he used to have sex with. He also was looking for another girlfriend while dating me.

 

So my mind's in shambles right now. I feel heartbroken and depressed (had some stiff drinks last night for the first time this year!). I really am miserable over this.

 

So I have this friend named Geoff. (This is actually what the post is about). I've known him for a good two months so far. I really like him as a friend. He's been there for me during this break up. He likes me and wants me as a lover and I just don't have those sorts of feelings for him (and probably never will). I get along with him just fine, we laugh, talk, joke, and are great "friends" I think.

 

Since the break up he's been making his moves on me, getting all close and affectionate and I don't like it. I keep telling him I just want to be friends and then he gets upset saying I'm leading him on, or stringing him along (which I really don't think I am. I'm never affectionate to him, or tease or do anything like that). I treat him like I would a friend or a brother.

 

He gets angry at me (especially recently) and constantly accuses me of countless things like hurting his feelings. He'll say "how come you can love your ex but not me?" "Why did you meet up with your ex all those times and never me if we were friends before you and your ex were?"

 

He then says stuff like "I really wish we could be hugging right now. I want to marry you and have little versions of us. You're the only one for me. I'll be your friend for as long as it takes."

 

Thing is...he's NEVER acted like this with such extremity before. He's been doing this since the break up and I can't handle his extreme emotions (accusations mixed with confessions of love) since I'm dealing with the grief of my break up.

 

I don't want to push him out of my life, cause I do value him as a friend and love him as a friend. I don't want to be made out as being bad and "stringing him along" cause I really am not =(

 

I like being friendly to him and laughing. He always takes it as something more though.

 

What should I do?

 

I don't want to hurt him, I just wish things would calm down between us and he'd stop being so love filled and dramatic right now (he's really taking everything I do that is nice as something more). It feels like I'll hurt him if I stay or go, and I really don't want to lose him as a friend but his constant accusations of me being evil are draining me. I feel horrible as it is. Why can't him and I just remain friends?

 

Does that really make me into such a bad person or is it normal human emotions?

 

Thanks for any advice.

[avman]

Sorry but you can't have him as a friend. His feelings are his feelings. Just as you have yours. It's pretty obvious he can't just turn them off and be "friends" with you. You know this deep down but you keep wanting him to just stop. That's because you want everything else he has to offer. Just not the relationship.

 

If he were here I'd be advising him to stop talking to you because it's causing him too much pain. For you I have to tell you that you can't expect this guy to nurse you through the breakup without it killing him emotionally. If it's obvious that his feelings are way more than friends and you will never reciprocate then you need to let him go. Otherwise you ARE taking advantage of him by taking what you need and not returning what he needs.

[dramallama]

I was in his position once. You would be doing both him and yourself a favour by cutting contact with him right down, even if it means ignoring him. Tell him that you don't feel for him in the romantic way and probably never will, and that you need space right now. If you ever want to be in touch, you will let him know.

 

He should be giving you time to heal, not jumping on you the minute that you are single. He sounds a bit immature and quite stifling. I think he will only ever get that he doesn't have a chance with you if you cut contact because any positive, or even neutral, interaction will be seen as a "sign" that he is winning you over.

[Perrin83]

He sounds like he has severe mental issues as well. A relationship with him could very well turn violent.

[italiannmf24]

I'd drop contact with him, if you want to heal quicker that is. Like Drama said, he seems immature considering all the accusations he's laid on you.