pushing past my issues and getting back on solid ground.

[Asmondai]

this will technically be my first thread on this website so if its in the wrong area please advise the correct location. also im sorry if this is to long, im not sure how to make my point without it being this long.

anyways iv been dating this women...the women, that despite knowing im to young to be saying this, was the one i wanted to have kids and grow old with. perhaps I'm just a foolish romantic but one must make due with the tools he has at hand. im not going to lie and say the break up was mutual, i still love her and it kills me im letting her go this easy. But if the love of your life tells you that that she no longer sees a future with you and wants something "more" that she no longer feels with you, its time to let her go and find her own way. im trying to move on with my life and get past this but after the last sexual encounter i had, well lets say it showed me i obviously still have issues to work through. im looking for some advice, anything really. im not sure how to live my life without having my rock but i know i must. im willing to do mostly anything, i just need to get my self out of this depression because i know its killing my sex drive.

thanks ~Jack

[GrowingIn]

I don't mean to make fun but.....are you worried about your sex drive or your heart?

 

My ex told me the exact same thing. It's probably the hardest thing to hear. I honestly would have rather she found someone else, cheated, or God knows what else because when you hear those words there really just isn't much you can do BUT let her go.

 

The good news, however, is that unlike all of these other break ups where a girl gives reasons, or cheats or is unsure this one doesn't leave any room for false hope which can be a total killer and can keep you in limbo for a long time. This type of break up doesn't leave a whole lot of room for what ifs, or "what can I do". It's pretty definitive as mine said to me.

 

So you quickly come to the realization that you have to let her go. That's all there is to it. You have no other choice because there is nothing you can do.

 

As for the sex part, you found out what I found out a long time ago. Unless the woman you have sex with is in every way shape or form better than what you had, emotions and all, you are going to hate it and it's going to make you feel worse after you have sex because she just won't compare. You have to heal first before you can enjoy sex again. So look down at your right hand, look at your left......look down in the middle. Get used it to it for a couple of months.

[Asmondai]

I don't mean to make fun but.....are you worried about your sex drive or your heart?

 

 

no your right. i suppose it is my heart that bothers me the most. its foolish but im still in contact with her, still friends on facebook, still text her daily... i want to be better then this situation so badly that i think im strong enough to keep her around despite this pain. but the realistic side of me keeps prodding me, telling me its like giving up alcohol only to go the bar every night for a club soda. i dont know whats the right way to do this, i feel slightly less pain keeping in contact with her...what would your advise be on the matter?

 

the sex...well deep down im sure its just some immature way of getting over her but with my self-confidence issues i foresee ill be making that mistake many more times before i finally learn. i suppose my biggest problem is thinking i can take all this on without time to heal, but it seems my broken heart has made me impatient.

[GrowingIn]

Well it sounds like you are holding on to a connection just so you don't feel the full force of the pain from losing her completely. And while that is true, it's also very likely that it's going to cause you more pain in the long run and will keep you from moving on.

 

I think you tried to have sex too early. So it just reset your healing process. Take your time this time.