? abandoned in a restaourant

[bostonlove]

Abandoned in a restaurant by my Byfriend

So first time user, nd advise and its so embarrasing I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I have been dating my boyfirend for a little over a year. We fell in love pretty quick, I started stying in a few nights then it turned in to permanent, just a few months after meeting him. I also recelty got pregnant, now 4 months. Overall we have a good relationship, I love him so much, and I think he loves me too. We didnt argue at first at all, until I started staying late at my job, therefore spending less time at home, with him, and therefore not helping out in the house with chores, ect.

 

In fact when we did started arguying its been mostly about chores and me not spending time with him because of work and also my family as well which are an hour away, and so is my job which is roughly 3.5hrs commute every day, plus 8hrs oif work, and if I stop to see my faimily thats more time away. I only have my weekends free and there is so much to do, during the week I basicallly get home and is time for bed, even though I rush to cooka nd make lunch for both of us for the next day.

 

SO the biggest problem came in when yesterday was his sisters B-Day dinner and I initially didnt want to go but then his sister sent me a text inviting me personally so I decided to go. We get there were fine, everyone having a good time, laughing, enjoying. His older sister shomehow brings up the conversation of how awkward he was as a child. How his mom used to always look around for her socks, especially her hosiery and how he used to always hide them to play with them. we all lughed, he didnt laugh but he didnt seem upset either, just liek he didnt llike it thats all, he then got up and said he needs some fresh air, he took a little while so I thought he was smoking a ciggarrette but then his sister receives a text "yo shut the **** up". still I thought ok maybe he is upset but thats it. Then I try calling to see where he was and he didnt pick up.

 

 

then he send me a text "I left can you get a ride?"

 

ow his 2 sisters including the B day girl, where actually late already for an outing so tehy were in a hurry and his father was on his way to pick up my BF son( thats another minor issue, but sometimes dating a guy with a crazy baby mother and just a guy with children from a previous relationship can have its complications alone)

 

I sent him a text back asking why he had left and just left me.

 

I was so mad I excused my leftm the table and said to his family I went outside to get him, but in reality I was so embarrased that he left me I just went outside and walked for a bit, in case they came out they wuld see me. I stayed for a bit, then I started walking to his house which was a 40 min walk. This was at night by the way,

 

He called me many times ot see if I had gotten a ride, but at that point I didnt want to speak to him. and I had little battery on my phone. I told him I didnt want to talk trying to save my battery and plus I was too upset to talk. he continued to call anyway. he sent me various texts saying he as going to go ballistic if I didnt pick up, then saying howw little I care that i didnt ask why he left blah blah, but then when I ask why he left he said oh now you ask, and Im like yes so tell me, then his like oh stop textingim trying to save my battery (I had told him earlier I didnt want to talk to save my battery) and then I was getting calls from an unknown number and then I got a message which turned out to be his father calling me. so I called back and I told him I was fine I was on my way to mikes house, I had called a cab, but no cabs in the area, only a couple of towns away which was pointless to wait and pay so much for them to come.

 

His fatehr said they were all driving around looking for me, but I had texted my BF toi tell him, I was all set, I didnt need a ride and that I was on my way, but somehow that didnt get to hios family.

 

 

I was so upset so hurt, he left me. I waled and walked and walked, I was about 2 mins from the house finally and his father pulls up from behind and ppicks me up, he drove me to my BFs house and actually my BF son was in the car with my BFs grandfather, we all went in the house, he said hi to his son, who is 5yrs old, nothing not even a word to me. and I went in changed my shoes and grabbed some clothes and laft to my moms after what he did I ditn want to see him. he called me and i didnt pick up so tehn he sends me a text about how little I care that Im not there to love and support him blah blah bla....I dint answer until he pulls the Im going to stay up and drink/take visodins as much as I can to see how much I can have card. I was so upset I answered. letting him know that i love and care but Im to upset to be around him. I told him to think about his son before he does stupid * * * * . I also told him I couldnt believe he would say soemthing like that after he knows that ive had my father commit suicide, and that actually thats what I do for a living, I couldnt believe him.

 

 

he never answered. I text a few times, then I stayed at my moms until 12 got to his house on a Tues at 1am, he had actually put a chair to clock the door from opening but it wasnt secure enough so I was able to still get in. I went in and there he was in his bed sleeping, not even drinking.

 

Im so upset. I cant believe he is mad at me when he is the one who left me in a restaurant, abandones me, and he is upset because I would answer the phone to talk to him, or because I left to my moms because I didnt want ot be around me.

 

I dont know what to do, we are about to have a child, im four months pregnant, but his behavior is absolutely unacceptable, plus he wont quit smoking cigarrettes or weed, he does this all day every day, not inside the house anymore, and he does drink 4-5 days- beer only. he has a child from a previous relationship, his babys mother hates me, his fam seems to like me except his oldest sister who is nice to me but is best friends with my BFs ex. He doesnt help me with chores even when he is off, Like I cook, clean, do laundry and constatly clean up after him and his son when his there 1 day out of the week.

Im just so tired of doing so much despite my hectic work schedule. Ive talked to him about helping me more but it has not improved. I just dont know what to do.

 

There are sooo many issues to this relationship, although I love him dearly and we do have some good/great times, there are so many things wrong.

[mouseno4]

At first i thought he was rather rude and inconsiderate, but now i think he might have deeper emotional problems.

 

In the end, i think you really have to re-evaluate your relationship and whether you really consider what you have to be a fair and balanced one. Constant drink, smoking, getting stoned is not conducive to a good parent. I would have to ask him, whey he feels he needs to use those to 'escape', as that is what the majority of people use it for. I would never tell someone to break up esp with a child half way there, but there are some really bad issues he is having and i would really feel for your safety.

 

If i were you, i would get him to seek professional help. I would want the best possible father of my child, and doing what he is doing isnt exactly winning any marathons.

[alli]

Well, it sounds like he was upset initially with his family. Maybe he was embarrassed about the stories they told of when he was a kid. Or maybe something else they discussed that you didn't mention. Either way, he freaked out, probably a little overreaction and leaves so they all don't see how upset he is. Also maybe so he wouldn't destroy the mood at the birthday. I just think he isn't practiced in controlling his emotions and on impulse, just took off.

 

This wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't left you. That really was pretty inconsiderate to leave without telling you, then asking you to find another ride. However, his whole family was there. Despite that you say they all had places to go, do you really think it would have been that much of a burden on them to drive you home? If it was a 40 minute walk, that's probably about a distance of 5 miles. Driving 5 miles isn't that big of a deal. Or did you just refuse because your reaction was similar to his- you got upset and chose avoidance, perhaps as some sort of punishment? Or to make it seem more like he "abandoned you" since you walked?

 

This whole thing could have been so easily avoided. He could have come back to pick you up. You could have asked his family for a ride. If he didn't want to see them, you could have hung out for the bar for 30min & have him come back to pick you up. You could have called a taxi. Also obviously, he could have cooled off outside without leaving.

 

Ask him why he was so upset. Talk about it, then tell him why you were upset. Work it out. When that baby comes, there will be bigger things to work out than this. Just the fact that you guys haven't been together that long & you're already having a baby, all of the arguments you're already having & the fact there is already a child in this equation, the odds aren't in your favor. Maybe consider counseling? It won't make anything worse.

[xyzzzz]

obviously he got pissed at his family and then did some immature/selfish things. or maybe he is just a immature person? and then it made you upset and you did some stupid things too by not answering his call and such(it's really unnecessary to shut him down ALL THE TIME). i understand both of you cuz when people are angry they make mistakes. then seems you got him upset and he's run out of paitience and stopped running after you..

purely on this inccident, you shouldnt just break up. a bit apologise when both of you have calmed donw will easily solve the problem.

[bostonlove]

Thanks so much for your comment