Husband and Video Games....ugh PLEASE HELP!

[DN]

Ok, well, perhaps if you were the pregnant one, you would be more likely to think of the future and whether the husband is going to put the video game over his family.

 

And as I said, these games are not designed to be played in moderation. A lot of the players are all or nothing.

I have two daughters and two grandchildren and need no lectures about thinking about the future when babies are in the picture. Been through it successfully, thanks for asking.

 

Whether a lot of players are all or nothing is irrelevant - we already know what this guy wants to play.

 

It would be more constructive to sit down before the baby is born and work out who does what regarding housework, looking after baby, spending time together and what time each parent gets to themselves. Once that has been agreed then whatever either parent does in their 'own time' is up to them and whatever it is that they do - play WoW or read Proust - need have nothing to do with the other partner.

[WildChild]

I'm throwing in my 2 cents in on this one. I am an ex gamer widow, and OP you're the pot calling the kettle black. I don't think you're being forthright, in and amongst itself that this is WHO you fell in love with, this is WHERE you met your love of your life..the father of your child, this is the PERSON you were just fine hanging out with BEFORE you got pregnant, this is the MAN you CHOSE to get pregnant by AND marry. Now when and where and how did this man change? Was that before or after you two talked about raising a family, and/or trying for one? Or when you were taking your vows, maybe then? This is the life you were AND chose, so don't be crying over the spilled milk you poured, you should have thought of that BEFORE you poured the glass. Four hours a night is nothing, absolutely nothing. My ex gamed for 8-12 hours straight, 5-6 nights a week, and most all days and nights on weekends. I'd get home from work to him gaming, go to sleep with him gaming, and waking up to him gaming at 5 a.m. If this is SUCH a problem, then it's one you created. I agree with whoever said it's like meeting someone at a smoking convention, and then getting ticked because they won't quit. And no, I could not imagine the rest of my life with someone who could game that much, and it caused A LOT of problems in our relationship. Had I known he gamed THAT much when I met him, I would've passed him by in a heart beat. Kind of hard to back pedal now, so you'll either have to compromise or hold your tongue. You married him knowing all of this, and now it seems you're trying to trap him into turning him into someone you had no problems with before. You don't marry someone for who you want them to be, you marry them for who they are. Time to suck it up.

[Snny]

Ah, OK, I did misunderstand your comment about his video playing days coming to an end. I was just looking at it from a gamer's POV...heck, I'm playing FFXI right now in the background, while I peruse this forum.

LoL, people still play that game? I gave it up several months ago since Abyssea changed the entire game play and social LSs. Dragon Age II FTW... when it's a game that ends!

 

I met my fiance on FFXI... and ironically found out we attended the same school together. The game helped us stay "connected" when I had to transfer schools.

 

When it comes to MMOs or any RPGs, there is no such thing as "moderation." The problem I see is that the OP fears that her husband's gaming habits are not only going to affect her family life, but also her marriage. I have heard a LOT of stories of couples divorcing because of excessive game play. I had to drive several states to move my girlfriend out of her boyfriend's house because he was neglecting her for WoW.

 

OP, its a tough call, but you know what you got to do. Sit him down and lay out the options. if things don't improve, then it's time to leave

[Huntress0527]

I know games. I have known games for 15 years. Vast majority of games out there are in fact designed to be 'pick up and play'. That is the whole point. The companies who develop them are catering every day, to the casual player. Something you can pick and play for 5 mins for 5 hours, whichever you wish.

 

The difference is the MMO's which can and will cause this problem of 'virtual over real life'.

 

This is true. I also play WoW and met my future husband through the game. I play a lot less than he does now but he definitely doesn't play as much as he's used to. I think 4 hours on the weekend is very reasonable, the time is gone before you know it. I remember when I played way back when I'd play the whole weekend and it was gone before I even realized how long I was on. (I played a year after it came out so way before BC, LK and Cata, give me some good ole MC!) Now when I play it's an hour or two 2 days a week if I'm feeling it.

 

Remember you met him through it, can't expect for him to give it up. Definitely sit down and talk of a compromise with getting things done before playing.

[wowjhulina]

Like I've said: I have no intention (and never have) of asking him or making him completely give up video games.

 

I completely forgot to mention this in my first post (blame the pregnant brain), but the part that irks me the most is that he wants this 4 hours early in the morning. Like 3 or 4 AM in the morning. So from my perspective, he's sneaking out of the house to play this game. What's to stop him from sneaking out to do other things? And if something happens (like I go into labor....which is becoming a stronger and stronger possibility) he's 15 mins away at the very least.

 

I don't want to be controlling, but I don't like him going to "The Office" to game. But at the same time, I don't have any reassurances that if I allow him to game at home that I will be able to talk to him or get him to do things that need doing. So I know I have to give the four hours. And I know that I just have to shut up and just deal with it. But that doesn't change my feelings about it and it gets hard to hide it and just smile and say OK

 

At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm just venting.

[DN]

I think you need to change the mindset of 'allowing' and 'giving him the time'. That sounds very controlling even though he is doing what he wants to do.

 

I am also concerned about your lack of trust in him showed by this

So from my perspective, he's sneaking out of the house to play this game. What's

to stop him from sneaking out to do other things?

[wowjhulina]

I just feel like if I don't say anything about him doing this early in the morning, that he won't think anything of it and use that time to do other things...whatever that may be.

 

It doesn't help my situation that because I'm pregnant...sex is... sporadic. And that's a problem with him. So that's why I'm worried that he'll just go off and get his fix and then come back. But that's for another thread...

[Pitachu]

Oh here is a VERY effective trick that works wonders. Guilt trip. If he plays an MMO and he is part of a guild kind of group. When he isnt home/looking, log onto his character and have a nice happy chat to his guild mates. Tell them exactly how happy you are at being pregnant with your husband/owner of the character's child. Tell them how soon you are to launch date. Tell them, how much work will be involved in being prepared for the child. Then leave it at that. Log off. Once half his guild knows ... let the 'action' begin the next time. This can be a little cruel - but it is ONE HELL of a wake up call that his guild can give him.

 

"little cruel" hahaha it's more like setting up for lynching! i'd never thought of that. Great advice, but i hope it won't be necessarily. I'd be cruel too if he's unable to "snap out of it" I don't know what i'd do exactly, but it would hurt him less if he got over it by himself for sure. Good luck and congrats ~