Think Depression is Scaring Away Girlfriend

[nresteiner]

Quick Background: My girlfriend of 3 months and I broke up about a month ago and got back together a couple of weeks later. She went back home to California for the summer(we're both in college) and I was going to make plans to see her. I lost my job, had some family problems, and had to move back home with my parents very quickly. She knew quite early on in the relationship that I had trouble with depression, especially in the last year.

 

Over the past couple days or so, I've felt really bad, and I let her know that her love and support mean the world to me, and I'm on medication, going to a therapist soon, and trying to overcome this for both our sakes'. She seems to have become more distant over the past week or so, with her texts getting shorter and her reluctance to answer the phone when I call. She's not busy, just watching TV most of the day. I told her I planned to cut down on the frequency of contact because it was too much from my end, and she said okay. Part of me feels bad because she shouldn't have to deal with this, but I've been there for her when she's treated my quite badly and was under a lot of stress.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm not sure our relationship will last, even though we both love each other and (as far as I know) still want to be together. Not really asking for any advice, but I would appreciate it if people would chime in with their thoughts.

[HopeInStars]

Its good that you're trying to make it better definitely and that you know there is an issue. I'm also happy to see you're not blaming it on her, but yourself as well, but maybe a little too much on yourself. You ARE trying to get help. Keep that chin up and realize that she may not be the one if she can't understand you, after all that is what love is, trust and understanding of each other. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want for YOU. Be happy in yourself first before you think you can make another happy. Don't worry about calling often or texting, if that person loves you, they'll appreciate it, and you'll both learn when space is needed, there is no set number on it. Get some good support from friends, I have a hard family life too sometimes, and I think we'd be surprised if everyone told their whole story. Just make sure you be you, and not someone else for her, because it's just a lie and then it really won't work out. Good luck

[oldenoughtoknow]

Why did you break up earlier? Was your depression part of the problem? Maybe she's having trouble dealing with it and she's distancing herself because of it? Depression is not an easy thing, from either your end or hers. It sounds like you're doing the right thing and doing everything you can. Hang in there.

[nresteiner]

I think it was part of the problem, as I suffered from mood swings before we broke up. She might be distancing herself because of it. If that's the case, I'm not sure what I can do about it. We've both said that we see this as a long term relationship. The fact that we won't see each other for a couple of months probably, I'm in Arizona, she's in California, makes it harder.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Well, if you're taking medication and going to counseling, you're doing what you can to fix it. Just be sure to talk to your doc about how the meds are effecting you. Most people have to go through a few different ones before they find one that works the best with the fewest side effects. There's not much else you can do. She also might be distancing herself simply because you won't be seeing each other over the summer. I think you'll just have to wait and see what happens when school starts again.