No Romantic Connection?

[GaryBusey]

I recently went on a few dates with a girl. She's 25.

 

When we first met she was really flirty and I was picking up all her signals, then I got her number and we went on some dates.

 

Our first date I took her to a friend's birthday party at a bar. We drank a bit, she said something along the lines of, "I don't know if we have a spark." I took her home and we kissed goodnight and that was that.

 

Then I took her out for another date, just at a restaurant. It was entertaining and I like her a lot, but when I was driving her back to her house, she told me that she didn't feel like we had a romantic connection. I asked her, "why did you even give me your number then?" She said she was attracted to me, but now thinks we don't have a romantic connection. At this point I get that she's implying that I'm not being aggressive enough, so I say, "Well, we did kiss the other night" and she said she didn't remember because she was really drunk.

 

Finally, we get back to her house and I kiss her before she gets out of my car, and she says, "Wow, you're actually a really good kisser." We say goodbye, and she goes inside.

 

I texted her earlier today and she hasn't replied, and normally when we chat via text she replies at most within 20 minutes... so I assume this isn't good. I guess my question is, what the hell am I doing wrong? I tried to be friendly with her, but not overtly sexual. Is that the problem? This seems to be happening a lot where girls think I'm not interested in them, and I notice my friends who are having more success than me tend to be extremely sexual with women, saying things like, "I'd bend you over and blah blah blah." Do I need to be lewd for women to know that I'm interested in them!?!

 

It seems like if she wants this type of thing she'd at least give me some kind of signal, and I WAS picking them up at first, but afterward they just sort of tapered off and I was left with nothing to go on.

[midnightdeirdre]

It seems like if she wants this type of thing she'd at least give me some kind of signal, and I WAS picking them up at first, but afterward they just sort of tapered off and I was left with nothing to go on.

 

It sounds like she thought you were cute at first, but then realized she didn't want to continue pursuing you. She said she was drunk when you two first kissed? Then she must've been drunk when she said, "I don't know if we have a spark" and when she gave you her phone number. (So she was probably really confused on what she was thinking/feeling.) When she became sober she must've realized she's not interested after all. (Hence why she isn't returning your text messages.)

 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. She just decided she's not interested.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I don't think you did anything wrong. I also don't think it was about your lack of aggression either - she said she didn't feel a spark on your first date while you were still at the bar. It sounds like she was initially attracted to you, but then it fizzled. It happens. Dust yourself off and move on.

[Ms Darcy]

She's not interested. she's told you that twice.

[mouseno4]

It has always amazed me how people of both genders feel it necessary to perpetuate something that just isnt working. Ive heard examples of girls and guys going on 2nd 3rds, even into full relationships when they know it just isnt working. Why bother? Why waste your time doing something you know you dont want?

 

Sorry, thinking aloud.

 

Yep, sorry mate. She aint 'it' for ya.

[GaryBusey]

It sounds like she thought you were cute at first, but then realized she didn't want to continue pursuing you. She said she was drunk when you two first kissed? Then she must've been drunk when she said, "I don't know if we have a spark" and when she gave you her phone number. (So she was probably really confused on what she was thinking/feeling.) When she became sober she must've realized she's not interested after all. (Hence why she isn't returning your text messages.)

 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. She just decided she's not interested.

 

 

She wasn't drunk when she gave me her number, and she said the "I don't know if we have a spark" in kind of a taunting way, like asking me to step it up or something. She wasn't drunk when we kissed on our second date either.

 

She's not interested. she's told you that twice.

 

Yeah, but after each time she ended up kissing me, and even complimenting me afterward.

[BriarRose]

She kissed you to see if there was a spark, after telling you twice that she wasn't feeling it. Now she is not responding. She is not interested, and it's nothing you did.

[catfeeder]

You didn't do anything wrong. The whole point of dating is to find someone with whom you click. It's an odds thing, because most people date a LOT of people before they find the right chemistry with one. That one is the one that counts. The rest are perfectly good people who will find THEIR chemistry with someone else.

 

Head high.

[BriarRose]

Catfeeder is right - one person could blow you off, and the next person might not be able to keep their hands off you....

[Ms Darcy]

I'm curious as to why you are having a hard time accepting that she's not into you? I've kissed someone I didn't feel a spark with. She was test driving the car and decided not to buy.