Why does he keep going back and forth on me?

[ohtimorousme]

The guy I'm hanging out with and getting to know over the course of the past 2.5 months I've known for six years, since high school. We're 23 and 24 years old.

 

The first few times we hung out it was initiated by him, and he would only text about plans (he's not a big texter or phone user really, in fact he's been known to turn his phone off).

 

Then, we we're supposed to hang out one day but it didn't work out. Then, soon after he got a job at a video game store working full time. After that he hadn't asked me to hang out or really initiate texting other than to reply to mine.

 

When I went by his store 2-3 weeks later it was as if nothing had happened, he was flirting with me, talking to me a lot, and I went to lunch with him where he bought my food, and he hugged me before I left(he always hugs me before I leave). I asked him to hang out with me the following Monday and we had a really good time, he held my hand, asked if he could kiss me and later we ended up making out.Then he took me home and he hugged and kissed me bye.

 

The rest of that week we both texted each other practically all week but, now it's been 2 weeks since I've seen him and he's doing the same thing again. I text him, and he replies but he doesn't make much effort in texting me and doesn't ask to hang out.

 

If he wasn't interested, and only wanted to kiss/make out with me why would he waste 2.5 months of acting interested, getting to know me, getting my attention and flirting?

 

I also keep getting mixed answers, let him come to you, wait a few days then ask him to hang out, he just wants you to do all the initiating, or maybe he thinks you lost interest, or he's an out of sight out of mind guy, etc...I also know for a fact he isn't married nor is he seeing anyone.

 

The weeks we hung out where he asked were before he got a job, so he had more free time. Is he that busy?

 

I'm not really sure what to do here besides cutting out my texting and waiting on him to come to me. Is this just a wait and see thing? Does he not know what he wants?

 

Any advice would be great.

Thanks!

[mouseno4]

I think it sounds like one of two things. He is actually busy - mentally or physically. Or he is just not that into you.

 

When you show him some of the goods and he only takes a step or two, maybe the attraction is only barely there. I would let him know you are interested in whatever way you wish, when you know he isnt busy, and see if he chases you. If you know for a fact he got the hint, but still didnt chase your tail, yep sorry girl. Not interested.

 

(i am more of a reaction type of guy - i bait the hook and wait for the girl to react to it, then repeat)

[ohtimorousme]

I think it sounds like one of two things. He is actually busy - mentally or physically. Or he is just not that into you.

 

When you show him some of the goods and he only takes a step or two, maybe the attraction is only barely there. I would let him know you are interested in whatever way you wish, when you know he isnt busy, and see if he chases you. If you know for a fact he got the hint, but still didnt chase your tail, yep sorry girl. Not interested.

 

(i am more of a reaction type of guy - i bait the hook and wait for the girl to react to it, then repeat)

 

If he wasn't interested though, why waste 2.5 months of trying to get my attention and flirting with me to the point that its super obvious? Maybe it's just me, but i probably wouldn't go out of my way to flirt and do any of that if i didn't like someone.

[Ms Darcy]

All I can say is that when you are not as emotionally invested as the other person, it is not wasting his time. He enjoys you when you make an effort. But he doesn't care enough to make his own effort. Two weeks without contacting you? I think you really really need to continue with the no contact. It is entirely possible this will give him the space to realize how he feels about you but as long as you initiate, he will not have the space to decide if he wants to pursue you or not.

 

One thing we know for sure - he hasn't decided to make you his gf or he would be working to pursue you now. He is at best unsure, so back offf and start dating other guys. Believe me he is not feeling he is wasting time ... just enjoying life.

[Allyo]

These kinds of stories really remind of how the guy I am currently with acted in the beginning of our relationship. He fed me the "really busy at work" lines and only got into contact with me about once a week for the first three or four months with practically no contact in between. During a period where he was especially "busy" we didn't see each other for 2 weeks.

 

I looked for advice in a lot of places, but I am really glad I decided to be patient and wait it out. I never expressed my doubts to him and just tried to have a good time with him without getting too invested. About 6 months into our relationship of getting to know each other (and we have been BF/GF for around 2 months) we now see each other almost every day. Sometimes now I even think it is too much!!! But I am really happy that I took a relaxed approach, and I think that is what sort of won him over in the end.

 

The "he's just not that into you" advice is sometimes right, but I also think that so many people are just looking to rush into relationships or follow a certain timeline instead of just enjoying the moment.

 

I also think that men and women have different timelines for getting to know each other and starting a relationship, although in your case you say you have known this guy for years.

 

If this guy is a "good catch" he knows he can get away with this sort of ambivalent behavior. He isn't desperate for one certain girl if he knows he can easily get attention from lots of girls.

 

If you think he is worth it I think you should be patient. If you want to contact him I don't think there is a problem with it either, as long as you don't contact him too much or more than once a week. Although contacting him is different from letting him know you are interested, which I don't think you should yet, at least directly! I think the trick is sort of matching your level of contact with his. Good luck...!

[ohtimorousme]

He didn't actually come out and say "i've been busy with work." I was just assuming that was it because of how often he's been working, and how early he's been getting up. He's not given me any excuses at all actually.

 

I feel like i've been communicating with him more than he has with me, as in more than once a week the last 2 weeks. I think i just got carried away with worry and my feelings got all clouded. He always answers though, and continues the conversation but i just feel like i should lay off the texting and let him come to me.

[Ms Darcy]

You are right to let him come to you.