Jealous/protective dog and my bf.

[anya85]

Hey guys. So I'm having a problem with my 7 year old male, neutered pomeranian, Jesse, barking at my live-in boyfriend for the slightest "offense", some times it's as simple as my boyfriend giving me a hug or touching my arm, or even standing up too quickly. Playfighting or any type of quick movement and Jesse immediately becomes alert, puffs up and just starts this horrible rattling bark. I realize that he's probably either trying to protect me or feels it's his job to "keep order". He knows very well that I am in charge and he respects that, but he seems to see himself on the same level as the bf. Any firm verbal attempts to quiet him down by my bf will actually rile the dog up more, whereas he backs down when I address him. But some times he's just too excited and will stand there and bark at both of us.

 

For some backstory, I was living in our current home, but with another guy(ex-fiancee) when I adopted Jesse. He acted very much the same to that guy as well. Never obviously mean or rude, but definitely acted as though he and the ex were of the same standing, below me. Always respects me, but challenges men in the home. He actually bit my ex once for taking his rawhide and tossing it off the sofa(only time he has ever bit anyone). About a year later, I broke up with that person and it was just me and the dog for awhile with some short term boyfriends coming over and hanging out every once in awhile. I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years and he has lived here for 1 year. This has been an on-going problem.

 

Jesse is a great companion dog when it's just me and him, or even just bf and him. He's quiet and calm, sleeps a lot. Will follow you from room to room like a little shadow--- but if all three of us are in the room together, Jesse feels he must police all interactions between us. I don't think he dislikes my bf...he greets him and is very excited to see him when he comes home(however, he honestly does this to everyone), he will come when called and generally acts very nice when they are interacting(while Jesse is not worked up). He does have a habit of moving into my bf's seat if he gets up though, but he will move without a fight when he comes back.

 

Any way, so bf and I have been talking about our future and we plan on getting married in the next few years. I just really wish they were closer and we didn't have this dominance problem. I wish my bf would see Jesse more as "our" dog and not "my dog", but I can see why he feels this way. Bf does give Jesse treats and pets him when he comes in the door.

 

Advice for me?

[trolleycar]

Hi anya85

Do you know what to Jesse's life and temperament was like with his original owners.

From what I gather you adopted Jesse. Was the Reason he was put up for adoption was it his temperament.

I have found that small dogs are more high strung and trying to make you actions for there lack of size.

Where I have had larger dogs myself. Both Mozart and Wolfgang were much larger dogs weighting in around

100 to 185 lbs. They were both loved people. I have enclosed a URL with information about Pomeranian temperament

Also how old Jesse when you got him. If he was over two years old He had gotten all this learning done already

and It can be hard to as the old sane goes it is hard an old dog new tricks. And from that I read Pomeranian's are very strong willed.

Just my two cents It I want a small Pet I will get a car. If I want a dog I want one the is larger. ( You know the size where you put four in front

of you car and say mush and the can pull the car A small car thought.) I think Jesse get to except BF but you will have to spent the time with his.

One other think Jesse thinks he he the Alpha Male in the house and your BF is a Step or two down from. I hope this helps a bit.

In my house the Alpha male is a 15 year old Cat Chessie and all rest of my Four legged Fleet know the chessie is the top dog well top cat.

If I can help any farther feel free to drop me a PM. I hope that thinks work out easily for you and your BF and Jesse.

link removed

[tresqua]

He knows very well that I am in charge and he respects that

 

If that is true, then when he barks or show correction towards your bf, you give him a firm correction, while being calm and assertive, and he will stop doing it, although it make take a few repetitions. Corrections include a firm, but loud "No!", and/or have him on a leash and while saying "No!" you snap the leash and/or that closed fist grab along with the word "No!" to mimic a bite from a pack leader. I suggest you watch a few episodes of Dog Whisperer to get the idea.

 

If you are already applying corrections when he demonstrates the unwanted behaviors and he's ignoring them, then I got news for you, and it's not going to be to inform you that you are the pack leader and you're making all the rules...

[anya85]

Jesse was found by the shelter outside with a collar, but very thin and in bad shape. He was 3 lbs lighter than he is now, and that's a lot for a 9 lb dog. He was estimated at two years old, but we don't know his true age or any background. He was not neutered when they found him, he was neutered the day before I adopted him.

 

Jesse has always been submissive to me. When I scold him for the barking with a firm "no", he will back down, ears will flatten, tail goes between legs, eyes get big and wide with that "oh crap, mom is mad" look and he'll sulk away, but if the behavior that he doesn't like continues(i.e. a hug), he will start up again; like he's conflicted between listening to me and stopping the action by the bf he doesn't like(touching me). So it's a constant cycle of him barking, me telling him no, and then him barking again and me telling him no.

[tresqua]

Your boyfriend needs to practice calm assertive behavior around the dog. It's all in the body language. If your bf backs off, or shows that he's intimidated, it's going to immediately reinforce the behavior. If anything he should move towards the dog, into the dogs space to show that he's the boss. Under no circumstances should your bf give the dog a treat if he's exhibiting the unwanted behavior at the time, but have a treat ready if he's not doing it and reward then. Of course, these techniques really should be done with the assistance of a professional because you don't want anyone bitten, but the least he could do is practice not backing down or showing any fear.

[drummadness]

Your boyfriend needs to practice calm assertive behavior around the dog. It's all in the body language. If your bf backs off, or shows that he's intimidated, it's going to immediately reinforce the behavior. If anything he should move towards the dog, into the dogs space to show that he's the boss. Under no circumstances should your bf give the dog a treat if he's exhibiting the unwanted behavior at the time, but have a treat ready if he's not doing it and reward then. Of course, these techniques really should be done with the assistance of a professional because you don't want anyone bitten, but the least he could do is practice not backing down or showing any fear.

 

Decent advice, except I would say NEVER 'step up' to the dog.

 

This problem has nothing to do with status, dominance, pack leadership etc. These concepts, as promoted by Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, are incredibly old-hat and are not the most well-respected methods or approaches to training or behaviour modification. We must remember that Cesar Millan is a TV star and, whether he likes it or not, National Geographic want the most entertaining programme. Real behaviour modification takes time and does not look as 'amazing' as Cesar's techniques to the average viewer. His philosophies about domestic dogs seeing other dogs and humans as part of a strict, linear hierarchy have been proven to be flawed. In fact, your case proves how dynamic and fluid relationships are, since your dog only exhibits the behaviour at a certain time.

 

Aggression should not be taken lightly. Dogs, or any organism, only show aggression under threatening situations (even humans that 'bully' have other insecurities in their lives- but animals don't have the ability to think like this; they react on real-time stimuli). That means that any aggression from your Pom should be taken heed of and you should try to avoid it.

 

Dogs don't really show jealousy in the human sense of the word, but they will show agonistic behaviour in uneasy circumstances. What ever the trigger, we can deduce that your dog doesn't feel secure or happy when two of you are touching each other, and thus attempts to intervene overtly.

 

I would seek a accredited professional behaviourist who uses positive-reinforcement techniques. If you were my client, this is what I would practise:

 

1. Buy a clicker and use your dog's food, plus 10 % of treats (cheese, chicken), in training throughout the day- no food bowls.

 

2. Practise clicking and immediately treating for 2 meals worth of food. The treat should always come after the click, and preferably within 2-3 seconds and ideally,within 1 second. After this exercise, every time you click, your dog should be expecting food. This is a powerful tool, used to reinforce/reward good behaviour, so that behaviour is more likely to increase. This technique is used for all animals around the world, as well as humans, and has its foundation in psychology and animal behaviour. No organism engages in any behaviour for 'free'- they are being reinforced by every behaviour they do: eating (food, sustenance), sex (prolonging their genes), walking (exploring, eating, sniffing, communicating) being close to you (cuddles, food, affection) etc. You can also use a favourite toy in the same manner if he likes that even more.

 

3. Enter a room with you and your boyfriend, with Jesse, and just stand next to each other, not touching or looking at each other. You click and treat a number of times for calm behaviour from Jesse as soon as he looks at you two. If at any time he barks, the 'criteria' is too high, i.e. you need to put more distance between you and your bf until Jesse is not reacting any more.

 

4. After a few successful repetitions of step 3, begin to move closer to each other and touching each other's arms lightly. Click and treat immediately for all calm behaviour from Jesse again. Clicking is 'marking' the good behaviour and so can pinpoint very specific ones.

 

5. Now get closer and hug/kiss a bit, slowly increasing the time you do it for, repeating the clicking and treating. By now, Jesse should be enjoying the sight of you too being close because he gets rewarded for it and, more importantly, gets rewarded for being calm.

 

6. Keep increasing the criteria Jesse needs to be calm around, e.g. you and BF sitting down on the sofa, him standing up, walking past each other and touching your arm etc. Take it slow and don't expect Jesse never to react. Be quick with your timing and click and treat for all good behaviour, no matter how small.

 

Any undesirable behaviour should be ignored by staying where you are not given Jesse any eye contact or speaking to her (you are not rewarding her for barking by ignoring, but backing away when she barks will teach her that becoming agonistic towards you at that time works!) and as soon as Jesse has stopped being worked up, click and treat and begin again, going more slowly this time (perhaps increasing the distance between yourself and your BF).

 

NOTE: even saying "No!" to Jesse can be rewarding to her as she is getting a response from you and maybe even breaking the attention you are receiving/giving to your BF at the time, thus: her barking has worked!](*,)

 

The sessions should be short (around 10-15 mins) and be spaced out a few times a day. Use Jesse's meal food and reward with the yummy treats for the behaviours that are extra special from Jesse.

 

When this begins working, you can ask your BF to begin doing it too, to build an even stronger positive association between them two.

 

This is the real world of behaviour modification and adjustment. Here are a few vids for you to look at:

 

link removed

link removed

 

Kikopup is a great teacher and, although these behaviours are a little different to yours, the principles remain the same.

 

I hope my post has helped you and put you on the correct path. Don't hesitate to contact me via PM, I'm here to help