I want it once I know I cant have it.

[lana111]

Am I on the majority or minority with this?

 

Im not a jealous person. I mean, Ive had my moments, but thats def not me. But I am that person who wants something when I cant have it or wants something more once you know you might be losing it.

 

For example there was a guy I saw years ago. We hooked up and tried to date, but it didnt work out. He continued to contact me for ages; I was totally uninterested. So the other day he contacts me and tells me about his GF. Now I'd be up for seeing him. I mean, I wouldnt cause thats foul, Im just saying the desire is there.

 

Another guy had the biggest crush on me for years, he voiced his feelings, but I didnt feel the same. I hear through a friend he got married. Now, in my head, I would be willing to go on a date. (Same thing as above, I wouldnt actually but the desire is there).

 

There are more examples, but you get it...

 

And on the opposite end, I see a guy casually. We know we are not in a monogamous relationship and are free to date. We have never actually told each other what we are up to, but we assume we see others. Well, the other day he received confirmation that I see others and man has he been attentive ever since.

 

Crazy how that works...

[shuttlefish]

That's your pride messing with you. Ah, to be human.

[lana111]

hahah YES!

[oldenoughtoknow]

It's human nature, from the days of cavemen and Adam and Eve. We didn't always live in a civilized society. Way back when, possessing things, like food or a weapon or a cave, was a matter of life or death. Those that had the instinct to obtain and possess those things survived. So, here we are. When something is forbidden, you pay more attention to it - it becomes the forbidden fruit. Have you ever been on a diet and noticed how food becomes an obsession? When something is scarce, it increases it's perceived value. When your field is filled with wholly mammoths, you feel safe - when they diminish, you get nervous. For today's version, google supply and demand economics. Human beings don't like feeling controlled. We naturally react when we're told we can't have something. Have you ever babysat a 2 year old?

[misssmithviii]

There's a whole thing about the psychology behind this mentality but I forget >.

 

I think it's the same appeal that people have when they're in a relationship versus when they're single. When someone's in a relationship, especially steady that tells others that there's something worthwhile or amazing about that someone, there's something to love, there's something to receive from that someone that's obviously hooked another human; and we're curious and interested in that, and if that someone can offer us more or better.

 

I've never felt this way so I can't speak from experience but rather from what I've gathered, knowing others who get these feelings.

 

I have heard these feelings have a very negative meaning behind them, deeper inside. Something along the lines of refusing satisfaction in some masochistic way... but I just can't recall the rest of it. I hope it's not the case here, of course - but do you think perhaps you might have an issue with satisfaction?

[lana111]

good input guys.

 

 

misss, what do you mean by an issue with satisfaction?

[misssmithviii]

I'm wondering if you might have those feelings that once you DO have something, it loses all of its appeal - or if this is just a reaction that quickly fades away. It's just the other side of the coin, really. Always wanting what you can't have on one side, and never really being satisfied with what you do have on the other.

 

I only ask because I know a few people that only ever were attracted to what they couldn't have, or only when their spouse/SO was slipping away - and it led to some inner turmoil. I just heard whole bit about this mentality (when it is a mentality and not just a fleeting feeling) causing problems in the long run. And as I said, I hope that's not the case here and it doesn't sound like it.

[lana111]

ive always been great in real relationships; they both grew and got better over time.

 

but as far as a history of casual stuff or crushes... im always like what you mentioned. when i was a teen i had a few very big crushes, as do we all. every guy i had a crush on at one time let me know they liked me, whether it was bc they told me, or bc of their actions, or whatever. and every time, once i knew they liked me too, i wasnt interested anymore. quite sick to yearn for someone and then when you can have it, you dont haha.

[misssmithviii]

Well that's good ^_^

 

As long as it's not affecting your life negatively and it's not a mentality, more like a subtle reaction - it's fine. I guess I'm not too familiar with this feeling. When a guy doesn't have interest in me, or is taken - I have this kind of "NEXT!" reaction... like ok that guy's off bounds or I'm not his type so whatever. Probably because I have this super-romanticized part of me that wants a man just as interested in me as I am in him, otherwise it in turn loses all of its appeal to me. Or maybe it's a subconscious defense mechanism I've developed AGH! Now I'm over-analyzing myself! >.