Ex Fiance got me arrested

[Formula]

this is a short version of my story.

My ex fiance broke up with me 6 weeks ago. we were together almost 3 years and 4 months in which we broke up and got back together once. I wasnt coping too well and went on a bender and got really drunk.

When i got home i was shouting that i wouldnt be forced out of the house.

I scared her and the two children(her kids not mine) because i was drunk and shouting. I woke up later that night to the police

thumping the door and arresting me for domestic abuse.

She also told them that i had threw a chair at her a few years ago which i am ashamed to say i did when we were arguing and that i was cruel to our pet dog which was a lie. Inbetween all this we argued alot.

Anyhow i found out today that i might have to go to court over this and i have not been in contact with her since that night.

Now, i have had two separate occasions in the last two years when she has punched and thumped me around the body and face and i did nothing about it and also she has left cannabis lying around for her 5 year old daughter to find in which her response to that was it's ok she doesnt know what it is when i sayed to her how irresponible it was to do that. Do i tell the police all this about me being abused by her? and about the drugs?

I accept the way i was and that i should never of acted the way i did and i will improve myself by whatever means but i have come to the point now where i think i shouldnt have to accept what she has done to me either and that i should make a statement to the police about her being violent towards me in the past. If she told the police to let it all drop i would do the same as going to court is the last thing i want but i feel i shouldnt take this lying down as she is guilty too. Any input would be appreciated folks

[Lonewing]

You and only you got yourself arrested.

[Formula]

Yes i know that. But im asking more or less for advice.

[lana111]

#1 you might wanna reword your headline; you got yourself arrested.

 

#2 you decided not to do anything about the things she did years ago. telling police about the things she has done in the past is not going to help your case, bc you are only mentioning it now as revenge/leverage/trying to use it as proof that she is just as bad as you.

 

sorry if this is harsh im a parole officer and i hear all day about how so and so got away with whatever. i tell my clients... you got caught, you have to deal with your consequences. are you really going to sit here and overlook your responsibility in this. you just want to take others down with you. its like me being late to work, getting caught, and saying wellll this one and that one were late too! the fact that they were late is separate from the fact that i was late. now i know your situation is different, bc you trying to say that your ex is no angel herself, but the case is againt you! the only thing filing charges against her will do is get her in trouble too, not lessen your consequences. you are within your rights to file something with the police, but it wont look so hot since it was a while ago and only comes up after she has had a disturbance with you. its gonna look very shady to any courtroom.

 

at any rate, i hope things calm down and you can have a happy life after her.

[alli]

Well, what did you say when you were shouting? Typically if one person is extremely drunk and the other is sober, the drunk one was wrong. Their viewpoint is distorted because of the alcohol and their reactions are exaggerated. So even if you believe that she made you angry and she initiated the fight, you need to accept that this fight really was your fault. I have a feeling she honestly believes you were cruel to the dog, it seems odd she would make that up as a lie. Perhaps you did something that she considered cruel but you didn't. Another possibility is that as time passes, we remember things differently. Maybe you remember being nicer to the dog than you actually were, or she remembers you being crueler than you were. Anyway, it doesn't really matter too much unless you're charged with animal cruelty.

 

Regarding what she has done to you in the past, it is a separate issue. I think your motivation for reporting her is more to "get even" or "tell on her, since she's telling on you". If you had a moral problem with what she did before, why do you think it's important to report it now but not then? I personally think it's irresponsible to keep pot in your house when you have a kid. It's also irresponsible to be getting high all the time, but I don't know how often she does it. If it was a mistake she made some time ago and no longer uses drugs or keeps them in the house, than it's not like the kids are in any danger because of it. You could report to physical assaults on you, but they probably won't stick much. They were too long ago & you have no proof.

 

I personally would consult a lawyer about how to extract yourself from this situation. You two are too volatile when together. Maybe there's a way you can come up with some sort of agreement to stay apart without getting a restraining order or worse on your record.

[metrogirl]

If her hitting you previously wasn't an issue and her leaving marijuana around where her children could get a hold of it wasn't a reason for concern then, it shouldn't be now. If I was a cop listening to your story, I would think you were just out for revenge.

[pumpkinmoon]

I see no reason for her to have called the police if it was just a case of you shouting. If the police do end up interviewing you though I would tell them everything. If she told them about the chair incident which happened years ago why shouldn't you tell them about her abuse too?

[annie24]

I would get into AA or some other program for your drinking - it sounds out of control.

[Formula]

Alli, what i said when i was shouting was I won't be forced out of the house,no ******* way. I know this because it was read to me by the police when i was interviewed that night and it was on her statement.

Im not being charged with animal cruelity as the dog was never harmed but she lied and said i did and she said it was months ago which is just bizarre.

Im fully aware aswell that i got myself arrested and i messed up and if it does go to court it goes to court there's not much i can do.

Im not sure if i will make a statement to the police about her or if i even have the energy. Im angry at this point with myself that i didnt report her to the police when she was violent against me. Im angry at myself when i look back and let that happen to me and did nothing about it.

As for the dope it was the week before we broke up when she had it in the house and im sure she still keeps it at home.

She started seeing another guy days after all this aswell(prob cheating on me but i guess i'll never know for sure) and my friends were saying if it hadnt been you getting drunk and coming home in a mess she would have found another way quick to get you out of the house.

Anyhow i guess im just venting here aswell.

[iBroken]

If her hitting you previously wasn't an issue and her leaving marijuana around where her children could get a hold of it wasn't a reason for concern then, it shouldn't be now. If I was a cop listening to your story, I would think you were just out for revenge.

 

Thank you! Exactly what I was going to say

[misssmithviii]

Ok, I know this situation ALL TOO WELL.

 

My ex and I were in a tumultuous, drug-ridden bonnie/clyde rampage in our youth. We both reaped our consequences, him more than me of course because he did many more, worse things. When I broke up with him, I literally threw his things into the street. He was a street rat, and could stay where ever, I wasn't about to house a man who treated me and our daughter poorly - including being incredibly emotionally and physically abusive.

He threatened to take me to court someday for the crimes I committed in the past that I didn't see justice for - he never did, but I'm positive the courts would hardly believe him anyways. It would be his word and a "diary" I kept in the past against mine, and yes, it would look more like lashing out in revenge over anything else.

 

Ruining someone else's life isn't a way to peace - I think even my hopeless ex knows that.

My advice to you is the advice I'd give to him... let it go. Pay your dues because you got caught for them - dragging her down with you will only stack up more negative karma in your direction.

Besides, lashing out at her will only prove her right.

My ex didn't and I have a newfound respect for him - it's not much but it's something. And I used to rather see him rot >.

 

Be the better man that you can be, start off with a clean slate my friend. Pull through this. And the less you retaliate, the better it looks for you and the better your image will become.

 

I'm sorry all this chaos is happening, I know how it feels to know you've caused a disaster and now you're left picking up all the broken pieces alone... But in the end all we can do is let go. Let them hit us with it, dust ourselves off afterwards and begin anew.

[Lonewing]

So let's get this straight, you broke up a week ago, there's a house in contention, and you continue going out and getting drunk???

 

The reason my dad won in his divorce was because he quit EVERYTHING as soon as he realized my mom would get everything unless he quit. The drink, the drugs, he cleaned it all up - He was practicaly dry for a couple years after it started. COLD TURKEY.

 

It's time you take your situation serious. Yes, she CAN force you out of your own house if you screw up!!

 

And in case you were not aware, Yelling is now classified under Domestic Violence and plenty capable of getting you removed from the premises of any place. All you did was shout - and shouting is now illegal. If you want to win this, I suggest you "grow up" and "man up." Which basiclaly means, you stop acting like a kid - getting drunk and shouting are both teenish behaviors unbecoming of a true adult.