He asks me what type of porn I like

[annalisa84]

My boyfriend keeps asking me what type of porn I like. He told me early on that he likes amateure porn and since then he has been curious about what type I prefer. As he likes amateur porn, we have done some light videos and sometimes we talk about making a sextape on our own. I have nothing against it and would like to share this fantasy of his.

 

BUT when I sometimes watch porn and Im not doing it out of boredom or curiosity, but to get off.. I always watch it with more than one guy. And I don't know how my boyfriend would react if he knew this.

 

First I do fantasize about sleeping with two or three men but I don't plan to actually do it. Definitely not when I am in a relationship. So I don't want him to feel inadequate. It's a fantasy about.. more men, more pleasure. But he is definitely more than enough for me!

 

Second, I guess one of my fears is that he might actually be turned on by the idea and would want to do it. I mean.. bringing people in our bedroom. I'm afraid that he might then feel like it is okay to ask for a threesome with a woman as well. I DONT! I don't really want any of it, And I would get really really upset if he would tell me he would want to share me or even worse SHARE HIM. I get upset just by typing this. I do watch that type of porn but I don't really want to have that type of relationship. I don't know how to explain it but the tought of actually doing it sounds just wrong. I've had this fantasy as long as I remember and I've never acted upon it. I wouldnt feel special at all in a relationship like that and feeling special is very important to me, plus the jealousy would literally kill me. So I woudln't want to do it and I don't want a boyfriend who would want to do it as well.

 

Anyway please help me figure this out, what should I do. Should I tell him, should I.. lie? He is getting already upset that I postpone telling him and very curious. H already snapped at me that fine, he will take note that we will have secrets from each other.

 

If your girlfriend would tell you that she only watches porn with more than one guy, would you anyhow be upset?

Would you think it's "cool" as perhaps this way there is hope for you to bring some women to bed as well? And well.. all men dream about threesomes.

And my boyfriend has told me that he has done it in the past!!!???!!! So it si freaking me out.

 

I'm overanalyzing this situation cos I know that if in the beginning he had told me he ONLY watched porn with more than one woman, I would be so incredibly insecure and I don't know whether I woudl have been able to go on, as I also know he has done it in the past. And I get nervous just by tinking of sharing my partner.

 

Any suggestion is more than helpful!

[mouseno4]

First of all, no i would not be upset if a girlfriend told me that. I am interested in knowing what she likes to WATCH.

 

Second, i would not want a threesome. And yes i have fantasised about that exact thing - but like you - i would never act upon it as it would not mean anything to me. Just because i have had that fantasy, does not mean i dream about it.

 

What someone has done in the past is of little consequence to me. If the girl is with me now, it is important to me what she does in THE PRESENT.

 

Keep in mind, you asked us - which includes me - to tell you what i would do. This is what my thoughts/feelings would be. More than likely they are different to your guy, but this is my honest feelings on the topics.

 

To be quite honest - if you want even deeper emotions - i would like to know what she likes about watching 3 people go at it. Gives me a deeper understanding of how her mind works, and how i can change things in my own actions to make her even more happy. The more she tells me about what she likes, the more i can do to make her happy to be with me.

[FathomFear]

I think your mind is jumping too quickly here. Asking what you fantasize about and asking what you are actually willing to do in your current relationship are two totally different things. While some people might be okay with having the same answers for both, some might not be.

 

All he's asking about is what turns you on fantasy wise. I would be open and honest with him about that. And then I would be open and honest about what you are or are not willing to explore in reality.

 

Just relax. Telling him that you'd want to have group sex with 10 guys at once, for example, does not mean that he's suddenly going to invite 10 guys over. Or that he's suddenly going to insist on threesomes with other women. There are clear lines between fantasy and reality, and it's up to you to clearly draw them.

[annalisa84]

Thanks, guys!

It's one of those times when I am happy to hear that I am overreacting

Its just that I have never told that to anybody and none of my previosu boyfrineds have even asked, so I never had to think about it.

[Gennevieve]

I hope you don't mind, but I asked my boyfriend for his opinion in this one.

 

He said that your boyfriend has to understand that porn is not reality - it's not real. And just because you happen to watch porn involving multiple guys, that doesn't mean you want to invite a whole bunch over one night for a party. That's not how it works. It's just something you happen to fantasize over. And he should know that the idea of sharing with either one of you in real life makes you uncomfortable.

 

Basically, it's okay to tell him the truth, but only if he knows the lines you are not willing to cross.

 

Hope this helps!

[annalisa84]

Thanks evreyone for answering, but.. I'm still here with my problem.

I tried touching this subject last nite and talked about the difference of reality and fantasy.

He didn't get it, at all.

He says that people watch porn, they fantasize about the act and in the end they would want to do it real life.

Everything he enjoys in porn, when the moment is right in real life and the opportuity presents he would go for it.

There is no way in his opinion that I watch something, it turns me on, but I don't want to actually do it,

He went on that if I say I do't want to do in real life, it actually means I don't just want to do it with him or I'm not ready for doing it with anyone YET, but one day I will want to.

He almost got into a fight with me and he even didnt know yet what we are talking about.

 

So I closed this subject but now there is tention between us.

 

He also told me that he would get mad and hurt if it is something he cannot give me.

Well.. first of all, I dont even want it and IF I ever would want to experience something similar, it woudl be with my BF and a toy, not two random pornstar looking men from the street..

 

So what am I to do now?

We are fighting about PORN, I'm fighting with my boyfriend abot PORN!

I'm deemed if I don't tell him and I'm deemed if I do.

He will be mad at me, think I wantto screw around and in the end.. as he has done threesome in the past and I have told him I do not approve that (I really DONT), he will for sure bring this subject up, and tell me something hurtful like that now at least he has hope that we can do that (NOT TRUE AT ALL, I would seriosuly break up with him if this is what he wants).

I think these things are better left as fantasies.

 

How do I get out from this mess?

He refuses to have sex with me now. Wow!

[Brownstone322]

I tried touching this subject last nite and talked about the difference of reality and fantasy.

He didn't get it, at all.

I made the fantasy/reality comparison to you in PM. Failure to differentiate between the porn world and your partner's real world is a really bad sign. I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt at first, but now I think less of the dude (sorry).

 

He says that people watch porn, they fantasize about the act and in the end they would want to do it real life.

Where'd he get that? I've seen all the Die Hard movies, but I don't wanna fight guys on the wing of a moving 747. Yippie-kay-ay.

 

Everything he enjoys in porn, when the moment is right in real life and the opportuity presents he would go for it.

Dumb. See above.

 

There is no way in his opinion that I watch something, it turns me on, but I don't want to actually do it.

Dumber. What's so hard to understand about all this?

 

He went on that if I say I do't want to do in real life, it actually means I don't just want to do it with him or I'm not ready for doing it with anyone YET, but one day I will want to.

Guilt manipulation. Don't fall for it.

 

I dont even want it and IF I ever would want to experience something similar, it woudl be with my BF and a toy, not two random pornstar looking men from the street.

My ex and I did that (me + toy). Great experience for all concerned (which did not include random porn studs). I think we're talkin' 'bout the same thing.

 

So what am I to do now?

We are fighting about PORN, I'm fighting with my boyfriend abot PORN!

Incredibly shallow. (Yet, somehow, like a car crash, I can't look away.)

 

I'm deemed if I don't tell him and I'm deemed if I do.

He will be mad at me, think I wantto screw around and in the end.. as he has done threesome in the past and I have told him I do not approve that (I really DONT), he will for sure bring this subject up, and tell me something hurtful like that now at least he has hope that we can do that (NOT TRUE AT ALL, I would seriosuly break up with him if this is what he wants).

I think these things are better left as fantasies.

Well, if there's an upside here, you're learning more about this guy that you thought you knew. He doesn't sound like a particularly good critical thinker. Sounds like a dolt to me (but that's just me). What's he do? Do you think of him as a "smart guy"? Does he watch NASCAR?

 

He refuses to have sex with me now. Wow!

Um, that's one Mexican standoff he will lose. He'll jump through hoops of fire for what you've got.

[lostnscared]

Everyone is different but for me what I choose to watch when I watch porn is what I'd like to do in reality. So I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. What he needs to understand is that it's different for everyone. Some people watch porn and really do see it as a fantasy of some sort but nothing they would want to do in real life. I think its ridiculous that your bf is fighting with you over porn. It sounds like he just wants to engage in a threesome again--I could be wrong though.

[r3ni]

My girlfriend likes same thing. The way she explained it to me, she gets turned on by seeing it and by the idea of doing it, but has no interest in actually experiencing it. She does enjoy simulating the experience on occasion though, it's kind of awkward to pull off, but usually turns into quite a bit of fun.

It was a bit shocking when she first told me, it's not the sort of thing I ever found interesting or imagined a girl would be into. Once I got over the initial shock I realized it's actually very sexy that she is into this hardcore stuff that I just don't understand.

[yikeshelpme]

Sounds like he has a few issues to get over imho.

[chatelaine]

As someone who worked in the porn industry for three years, I'm going to give you some advice.

 

Porn never leads to good things. It's against God. It's against family. It's against everything sacred.

 

Go to counseling before it's too late. I doubt you can save your relationship, but maybe you can save yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life. Once it's out there, it will never go away. Do you want your future children to see you having sex for money? How would you feel if your parents found out? Think on that.

[yikeshelpme]

As someone who worked in the porn industry for three years, I'm going to give you some advice.

 

Porn never leads to good things. It's against God. It's against family. It's against everything sacred.

 

Go to counseling before it's too late. I doubt you can save your relationship, but maybe you can save yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life. Once it's out there, it will never go away. Do you want your future children to see you having sex for money? How would you feel if your parents found out? Think on that.

 

How ridiculous, don't listen to this person.

[Brownstone322]

How ridiculous, don't listen to this person.

LMAO! I was thinking the same thing! She never said she wanted to be in porn. She said that she was turned on by watching a particular porn act ("double penetration," I think) but that she didn't actually wanna do it. The problem is where?

 

And "counseling"? Huh? ... "Doc ... I love watching 'DP' ... please help me before I ruin my life!"