Well now its over for sure, I feel empty

[garretp]

My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 1/2 months, she left me and started seeing someone else a week later.

 

She kept contacting me almost EVERY 2 weeks saying that she still loved me and wanted to be with me, only to change her mind the next day or a couple days later.

 

She just kept hurting me, but like a fool I kept getting sucked in. Well I just got an email from her saying that shes happy where she is and who shes with. When just a week and a half ago she wanted to be with me.

 

Well the email basically said that she was happy and wants me to leave her alone. And just to make It hurt more she says that they are going to start a family together (something that we were about to do) she told me to move on and leave her alone, It really hurts to think that someone who once loved me with all their heart can just do this to me. I know its over now...there goes 3 years down the drain...

 

Time to heal I guess, its going to be hard though...she was such a great girl...

Anyone have any tips to healing and moving on?

 

I could use someone to talk to.

[Carus]

Hey GP*...I'm here for a little bit....

 

Sorry to read your post man...Exact same thing I went through...3 years together, instantly replaced, dragged under the bus for about a year...they are still together now 2 years out*

 

I'm realising that it can take an embarrasing amount of time to recover from this kinda thing but we can make it.

 

The first thing you need to do is get now into STRICT NC. It's gonna be hard, extremely hard, but you dont need to know anything further about 'them'....

 

What you're ex is doing now is whats known as 'Triangulating'...It's a naztee place to be and will only cause you further harm if you keep entertaining it....

 

Everytime I would get news of their new RS man it cut like a broadsword and now in hindsight I can see it did a lot of psychological damge too

 

Remove all the reminders around you. Turn your place into a place of healing for You now...

 

Stay strong

Carus* 8-)

[garretp]

Ok, I'll do what I should have done from the start and block her completely...email, phone, everything.

 

I didn't know there was a word for what she was doing, that's actually very interesting. But why would someone do this? I thought that It had something to do with the drugs she has been doing (her new bf got her into it).

 

I'm not sure how I'm going to remove everything that reminds me of her, everything does that.

[Jesse Tilley]

Hey, I know how you feel. I think we're just going to hurt for a while. Get rid of as much stuff as you can, but it still hurts. The big, big thing is that if she's gone on to another guy you have to let her go. Don't think about her with other people, it hurts for nothing. 3 hours ago I felt like I was going to die, now I feel a little better. 2 months from now, I'll be better than I ever was with her. That's the way to think, buddy. Read my post, I'm Gonna Die. It was horrible how I felt before Drama Llama lifted my spirits.

[He2Him]

It was once said, ''your partner should compliment you, not complete you''. If you understand it, there's no feeling of emptiness, no hole to fill.

[stevef20]

Hey buddy,

 

There are a lot of other words I could think of that describe how badly this girl has treated you but none would be published.

As others have said and you yourself gave admitted, its over and its healing time, you have been in the site now ling enough to know that the road you need to take isn't an easy one, it hurts like hell and is never constant, you'll have good days and then you'll have bad ones, just know that this is completely normal, please don't try to rush things either or block things and bottle them up, its the worst thing you could do. I actually think that forgetting everything is not the answer, infact quite the opposite, your mind is thinking about all the things you have done together and wondering how? Why? You can't get these answers but you can have the memories, live each one in your mind and eventually there will be no more to have, I did this and it hurt like nothing I've ever felt but it helped me and now here I am just past the 6 months mark and nearly there. Go with the pain, let it out all the time, cry, scream, shout, hit a punchbag, whatever it takes, just go with it, get through each hour and then each day and eventually time will do the rest. All I'd ask is you do a few things to help yourself, 1st up is strict NC and 2ndly is like yiu to write a couple of lists, things you want to change, things you want to do and things you want back. I did this and I now have a new job, my friends back and have taken up Paragliding, wake boarding and rock climbing. It's time to get you back my friend, time for you to become you again and to become comfortable in your own skin.

 

It's going to be tough but like everyone I'm here for you fella.

 

Steve

[garretp]

Hey, I know how you feel. I think we're just going to hurt for a while. Get rid of as much stuff as you can, but it still hurts. The big, big thing is that if she's gone on to another guy you have to let her go. Don't think about her with other people, it hurts for nothing. 3 hours ago I felt like I was going to die, now I feel a little better. 2 months from now, I'll be better than I ever was with her. That's the way to think, buddy. Read my post, I'm Gonna Die. It was horrible how I felt before Drama Llama lifted my spirits.

 

Thank you, I really does hurt. It just doesn't seem fair that she is happy right now, and I'm sitting here feeling like this. I just don't get it.

 

I've gotten rid of almost everything she gave me (I gave it back and she said she threw it away) I still have some of it, and I want to get rid of it but its so hard to let go of them...

 

I had a feeling it was going to come to this, I didn't want to believe it but I kind of always knew. We started fighting A LOT (almost every time we talked) and we just weren't getting along like we use to. So I guess she just wasn't the girl for me, she wasn't who I thought she was.

[Jesse Tilley]

It was once said, ''your partner should compliment you, not complete you''. If you understand it, there's no feeling of emptiness, no hole to fill.

 

That's brilliant, I like that one a lot.

[Jesse Tilley]

Thank you, I really does hurt. It just doesn't seem fair that she is happy right now, and I'm sitting here feeling like this. I just don't get it.

 

I've gotten rid of almost everything she gave me (I gave it back and she said she threw it away) I still have some of it, and I want to get rid of it but its so hard to let go of them...

 

I had a feeling it was going to come to this, I didn't want to believe it but I kind of always knew. We started fighting A LOT (almost every time we talked) and we just weren't getting along like we use to. So I guess she just wasn't the girl for me, she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

I know, seeing her smiling on her Facebook page and all those new guy friends she had damn near did me in right there. Just keep talking to people and doing other things. And mine did the same thing yours did, telling me that she loved me and wanted to get back together and then, all of a sudden, "I'm seeing somebody else now, you can drop our son off here from now on." * * * !

[stevef20]

Buddy,

 

Box everything up and give it to someone for safe keeping, one day you'll want to look back fondly on the time you had with her. Don't throw it away. Make those lists and action them.

[garretp]

It was once said, ''your partner should compliment you, not complete you''. If you understand it, there's no feeling of emptiness, no hole to fill.

 

That's very wise. Thanks

 

Hey buddy,

 

There are a lot of other words I could think of that describe how badly this girl has treated you but none would be published.

As others have said and you yourself gave admitted, its over and its healing time, you have been in the site now ling enough to know that the road you need to take isn't an easy one, it hurts like hell and is never constant, you'll have good days and then you'll have bad ones, just know that this is completely normal, please don't try to rush things either or block things and bottle them up, its the worst thing you could do. I actually think that forgetting everything is not the answer, infact quite the opposite, your mind is thinking about all the things you have done together and wondering how? Why? You can't get these answers but you can have the memories, live each one in your mind and eventually there will be no more to have, I did this and it hurt like nothing I've ever felt but it helped me and now here I am just past the 6 months mark and nearly there. Go with the pain, let it out all the time, cry, scream, shout, hit a punchbag, whatever it takes, just go with it, get through each hour and then each day and eventually time will do the rest. All I'd ask is you do a few things to help yourself, 1st up is strict NC and 2ndly is like yiu to write a couple of lists, things you want to change, things you want to do and things you want back. I did this and I now have a new job, my friends back and have taken up Paragliding, wake boarding and rock climbing. It's time to get you back my friend, time for you to become you again and to become comfortable in your own skin.

 

It's going to be tough but like everyone I'm here for you fella.

 

Steve

 

Thank you. Yeah she has been terrible to me, I gave nothing but love, and what I get in return? heartbreak. I don't want to forget the past, yeah it hurts but its made me who I am today. I just wish the pain could just go away.

 

Its not all that hard to let her go anymore, I've had 2 1/2 months to think, and I realized she isn't the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. She changed a lot throughout our relationship, I didn't like it, but I stuck around because I thought she would change back or something like that. I can't say that I love her NOW, but I love the girl met 3 years ago. I don't If that makes any sense, but It does make it easier to let go.

 

Thanks for being there for me, It really means a lot

[stevef20]

You're very welcome my friend and it makes perfect sense, everyone at some point questions if it is the ex they've list which hurts or is it actually the hopes you had, the life, the relationship.

 

Well done on getting here.

[garretp]

I know, seeing her smiling on her Facebook page and all those new guy friends she had damn near did me in right there. Just keep talking to people and doing other things. And mine did the same thing yours did, telling me that she loved me and wanted to get back together and then, all of a sudden, "I'm seeing somebody else now, you can drop our son off here from now on." * * * !

 

How can someone be like that? I just don't understand how anyone can treat someone like that. I'll try to keep busy, its a little hard right now though (my car is broken).

 

Buddy,

 

Box everything up and give it to someone for safe keeping, one day you'll want to look back fondly on the time you had with her. Don't throw it away. Make those lists and action them.

 

I don't know If I ever would want to see them again, It may just hurt...I don't think I can be so cold as to throw it away though. I'll make those lists, thanks.

[garretp]

You're very welcome my friend and it makes perfect sense, everyone at some point questions if it is the ex they've list which hurts or is it actually the hopes you had, the life, the relationship.

 

Well done on getting here.

 

Yeah when I look back on it I don't think our relationship should have lasted 3 years, maybe a year or a year and a half at most. After that she did like a 180, she was a completely different person. So this is probably for the best, right?

[stevef20]

I'm not going to say yes to that, its not my place, you loved her and I'm guessing her you, hindsight is wonderful but sadly changes nothing. Don't beat yourself up mate, don't have regrets, learn what you need to and go find yiu again, you're a great guy with lots to offer a woman, you just need to see that again.

 

You're doing great

[garretp]

I'm not going to say yes to that, its not my place, you loved her and I'm guessing her you, hindsight is wonderful but sadly changes nothing. Don't beat yourself up mate, don't have regrets, learn what you need to and go find yiu again, you're a great guy with lots to offer a woman, you just need to see that again.

 

You're doing great

 

Thanks, I don't know I see it as a very sad thing, because we planned on starting a family and everything, but I'm also glad, I stuck around hoping that she would change back and put up with fight after fight (many times having to do with her changing) and its just nice not having to fight anymore. I really do miss having someone though, someone to hug, kiss, and love. And I really miss all those plans we had for the future.

[stevef20]

The beauty here is that although you can't and won't see it now, you will have those plans, hopes and dreams again but this time with someone who won't need to change. Mark my words.

[No1]

If you can look on a bright side is this. You know its over, you dont have to worry about decoding text messages or have her call you or email you and say she misses you. A lot of people cant heal because they think its not 100% over. I was in the same boat my friend, and it hurts, but you know its over and you can move on.

And in 3 yrs there were a lot of things that were said, everything she said to you about the future has to be thrown out. You two had a great time, it made you to the partner that you are now. You had great times. And I know 3 yrs is a long time, but its not the end of the world nor is she the only girl out there. One friend of mine told me that perhaps she was moved out of your life to make room for someone better. And you have to hold that to be true. If she was the best for you, she would still be with you, but she is not, and I know the pain seems like its unbarable. But youll make it.

Another thing, just because she said she is happy, blah blah blah only after a week, doesnt mean its going to happen. It appears that people like her have to have someone constantly telling them how pretty they are, and cant be alone. And if she is saying this after a week of dating, chances are she met him before you two broke up. But anyway, I digress... she can want a family with this guy, but it takes two. He will eventually see all the negatives you did and its all new. Once the newness wears off, life will get harder for them.

But all that is moot, it no longer matters what she does or who she is doing it with altho its killing you. I was there where you are now about 1.5yrs ago. A girl whom I thought I was going to start a family with broke up with me, loved someone else after 3 weeks and said that she was going to move accross the country with him in his big house.... she didnt move and they have been long broken up....

Work on you, lean on your friends, you feel empty cause you dont have that identity anymore of being someones.. its okay, being single is not a bad thing or a curse. You are free to talk to whomever you want, date many girls (when you are ready) and in time, your pain will go away.

[Live-N-Learn]

Damn bro, you said initially she was a great girl but I don't see that after what she said to you. Telling you to leave her alone and then saying she is happy with the new guy and wants to start a family with him is very cruel. She showed no compassion for how such a statement would hurt you. She sounds immature and selfish. You really are better off without her.

[garretp]

Your right she isn't the best for me, and we probably are better off apart. It just feels like I wasted 3 years for nothing. And It really hurts that she doesn't even care (at least that's how it seems). I really do miss having someone.

 

I really hope that happens to her, that their relationship doesn't work. It would make me laugh (sounds mean I know, but I want her to feel the way shes making me feel) to know "mr. perfect" wasn't so perfect after all.

 

 

 

Well she WAS a great girl, when we first met 3 years ago. Then as the relationship went on she changed into someone else, now she is very cold hearted, and only thinks of herself and the select few that are around her, everyone else can just go to hell. I don't know why I stuck around so long, she was my first girlfriend, and I was afrade that there was no one else out there for me, and I always thought she would change back to who she was. But according to her that girl I fell in love with 3 years ago wasn't really her, she said that It was her first relationship and she was just really trying and wanted to make me like her, but it wasn't who she was. And that really sucks because back then she was the PERFECT girl for me, I just hope I can find someone who is really like that.

[stevef20]

You'll meet plenty of girls like that when you join the Air force.