I can't shake this feeling..that there is no feeling.

[Williamson]

Ok, I consider myself an Atheist and my girlfriend considers herself a Christian (considers is an understatement!) I really love her, but it kills me to see her bothered by my decision of my faith. I haven't put the idea of Christianity down as crazy, yet, but I see the world as a bit more logical. She really fears for my soul but what I don't get is the idea that I am going to her hell regardless of good I live my life. I hate to hate on the clergy and all but if it were left to a good God, I would be going to heaven over some child molesters - sorry, had to put that out there. I don't want to start a debate over the existence of God, but I want to ask what you would do in my situation. I want us to last but at the same time I don't want to have to live a lie to do it. She says she respects my beliefs but I doubt it. Help!

[dramallama]

It doesn't sound like she respects your beliefs. If she is bothered by it and brings it up, that is the opposite of accepting it. People who have strong feelings and beliefs about their religion rarely change. I don't think she will ever be ok with it. What will happen in the future? Does she expect that you will go to church? Will she be ok if you never go to church? What faith will your children be brought up in? These are the things that you need to talk about with her to assess whether you two are compatible.

[Williamson]

Thanks for the questions. I personally think she will be as visceral as she can about her disdain towards my thinking side. I really appreciate it btw.

[dramallama]

You need to ask her those questions now - the purpose of a relationship is to see whether you two are compatible. It's better for you to know sooner rather than later if she is going to try to convert you.

 

Also, another question to ask is, what would she do if one of her children came out as gay? Would she support them as they are? Would she defend them against bullies (adults and children)? Or would she be ashamed? Or even try to change their orientation?

[Williamson]

Excellent question there DL, I honestly don't know what she would think now that I'm thinking on it. She is a proud woman but I don't really know her views towards gays and things that are pretty unconventional in the Christian Faith (from what I have seen).

 

Thanks

[dramallama]

It is possible to be a gay-friendly Christian. However, "I have gay friends" or "I love them as people, but I don't agree with their sin" doesn't cut it for me. Because it comes back around to, what would happen if your brother or cousin or future children were gay? Would her religious beliefs make her judgemental? Now is the time to really get to know your girlfriend - what makes her tick and to ask hypothetical questions of "what do you think of this..." Because it won't be long before these hypothetical questions become reality. It's better that you know now where you are fundamentally indifferent. Personally, I wouldn't even go there to even date someone that was religious because it would cause conflict.

 

Perhaps it would be a good idea to google a list of specific questions and topics to raise with one another to find out how compatible you are.

[Williamson]

That sounds like an exceptional idea. Well thanks for your help, it won't go without note.