Guys,if a girl begged you to stay with her..how would you feel?

[xyzzzz]

i had an ugly fight with my boyfriend cuz i flipped out over some petty things and i admit i was wrong.and initially he wanted out, but I begged.i deeply introspectd and told him where went wrong and promised to change..he was so determined to leave but I begged for 2 hours and he has finally given me another chance..i still feel embarrassed now Because I forfeited all my pride. honestly I didn't know if I did the right thing...he said in the end that he does love me and does wanna be with me.but I don't know if he's really overlooked it or begging made me look "pathetic" or "rediculous" in his eyes.i probs already made a crack in your relationship..so what should I really do?

[DN]

Do what you promised you would do.

[NJD HockeyFan]

I have an ex who constantly does exactly the same thing. From time to time I almost give in, just for pity's sake really. But that's not what you want. You want him to want to be with you. It's a pretty big turn off getting calls and texts all the time saying "I love you and I'll do anything for you", "Please just give me another chance". It's weird, just the mindset that you have all the power and you know she'll come crawling back to you... I probably sound like a pretty big jerk right here, but it's just the way our minds are wired. Give him time, give him a chance to miss you, get him curious about what you're up to. I know you've heard it time and time before, but it's the only way to do it. And hey, this girl actually broke up with me first and now wants me back. It's because no contact works wonders. It's the hardest damn thing in the world to do though...

[Flint_Wood]

I wouldn't think negatively of it at all if I really wanted it to work out. Though I would probably be a little suspicious how sincere the apology is, begging seems to come from a place of fear more than sorrow or regret. If you can move forward with genuine sincerity, I think it'll become a non issue.

[GrowingIn]

i had an ugly fight with my boyfriend cuz i flipped out over some petty things and i admit i was wrong.and initially he wanted out, but I begged.i deeply introspectd and told him where went wrong and promised to change..he was so determined to leave but I begged for 2 hours and he has finally given me another chance..i still feel embarrassed now Because I forfeited all my pride. honestly I didn't know if I did the right thing...he said in the end that he does love me and does wanna be with me.but I don't know if he's really overlooked it or begging made me look "pathetic" or "rediculous" in his eyes.i probs already made a crack in your relationship..so what should I really do?

 

Been there done that and sometimes you do lose respect and power in a relationship when you do that. I think that's when I began losing my ex.

 

But then again, the opposite also happened where my ex begged and pleaded with me, even after that happened, and when the role was reversed I didn't really see it as a bad thing. I was actually quite happy that she cared so much to come after me like that. Unfortunately she never kept her promises for the long haul. Just for a day, and then things went back to the old ways until eventually she left me.

 

Do I regret not being stronger and giving in? No. She did it for me. I did it for her. So I guess it all just depends on how the other person feels about things. I never lost respect for her when she did that though. I didn't see her as weak or anything like that. Just someone being remorseful for a mistake.

[GrowingIn]

That's why it's important to never take that for grant it NJD. Before my ex left me, she was the one doing that constantly. She would mess up, or say something hurtful, I would get mad and not talk to her for a day or respond to the messages. The next day she would always text me. I did started to feel like that became a pattern, and I always knew she would come back the next day.

 

But in the end she left me and it hurt like hell. Still does. What I think happens is even though you think you are in control, they eventually learn that you are easy to get back with.

[xyzzzz]

That's why it's important to never take that for grant it NJD. Before my ex left me, she was the one doing that constantly. She would mess up, or say something hurtful, I would get mad and not talk to her for a day or respond to the messages. The next day she would always text me. I did started to feel like that became a pattern, and I always knew she would come back the next day.

 

But in the end she left me and it hurt like hell. Still does. What I think happens is even though you think you are in control, they eventually learn that you are easy to get back with.

 

when you got mad and not talking to her,did you go so far as to say "we are done" to her?

that's what he said to me at the end of the fight.and after the night i talked ,well more like begged him to give me another chance..

i dont know if he can still feel the same as before though.when he left me to work he seemed still a bit pissed and just hugged me goodbye but not really looking at me. however 3 min after that he texted me saying he still loves me and let's forget and move on..having said that i still dont know how should i face him more on...i hope this can really go away though..can i certainlly hope he doest change his mind 3 hours later ;p

[mouseno4]

Whilst i dont agree with the sentiment, most guys want girls to challenge their 'authority', make them feel like they have a girlfriend, not a puppy dog.

 

People do amazingly stupid things when they get upset. I mean really horrible things, that, yes 3 mins later they so badly regret. Both guys AND girls. Sometimes it is irreversible depending on the victim, the situation, what was done/said and the state of the relationship.

 

But believe me when i say, sticking up for yourself - even if you were wrong, apologise and admit you were wrong... oddly enough makes guys respect their girls as more than just the 'sex object' and more as an equal.

 

I dont actually know why that is, but... /shrug... it just is. Perhaps someone else here can tell us both why that is!

[shadowbox3r]

What's done is done. There is no taking back what you did and from what you said:

 

"however 3 min after that he texted me saying he still loves me and let's forget and move on"

 

He's telling you MOVE ON which means MOVE ON. This is the flaw that people have when they feel the need to continuously drudge things up that should be laid to rest. Anything that you did before is kind of irrelevant at this point. He has forgiven you but if you keep bringing up this topic or apologizing for the past, it's going to get on his nerves. You need to work on the changes that are necessary for your personal growth and then your relationship will grow as well. Do not be the poster child for insecurity by dragging this on and feeling like you need to overcompensate for perceived wrongs.

[tresqua]

2 hours of begging. Wow that's a lot. He took you back but mainly because he feels bad for you not because he wants to be with you, and he definitely will not respect you as much and he'll think he can get away with anything and do whatever he wants. Also you are the way you are, and all the promises you made, even if you can keep them, are going to be "forced". How can you be happy in a relationship where you are trying to conform to the other person's wishes, given that they really don't even want to be with you? Sure you feel a bit better because he's "back" but think long term here.

[xyzzzz]

2 hours of begging. Wow that's a lot. He took you back but mainly because he feels bad for you not because he wants to be with you, and he definitely will not respect you as much and he'll think he can get away with anything and do whatever he wants. Also you are the way you are, and all the promises you made, even if you can keep them, are going to be "forced". How can you be happy in a relationship where you are trying to conform to the other person's wishes, given that they really don't even want to be with you? Sure you feel a bit better because he's "back" but think long term here.

when i apologised at first he didnt wanna listen so i stopped for a while..but the continous begging lasted for an hour for sure.

and yes what im afraid of is he's pity dating me.i wonder if there is a possibility that he is genuinly back and still loves me as he said..and oh well i have no way to really find out..

[xyzzzz]

What's done is done. There is no taking back what you did and from what you said:

 

"however 3 min after that he texted me saying he still loves me and let's forget and move on"

 

He's telling you MOVE ON which means MOVE ON. This is the flaw that people have when they feel the need to continuously drudge things up that should be laid to rest. Anything that you did before is kind of irrelevant at this point. He has forgiven you but if you keep bringing up this topic or apologizing for the past, it's going to get on his nerves. You need to work on the changes that are necessary for your personal growth and then your relationship will grow as well. Do not be the poster child for insecurity by dragging this on and feeling like you need to overcompensate for perceived wrongs.

 

oh wow i actually do feel the need to keeping apologizing and compensate..but thanks i guess i shouldnt cuz they will get on his nerve. and you said my relationship can grow,that's exactly what im afraid wont happen but am hoping that happen...as i said before..i worry he came back out of pity..

[dramallama]

Honestly, if someone has dumped you for a reason other than you cheating or being abusive, so if they just fell out of love or whatever, then begging and pleading will do you no good. Even if you did cheat, there is only so much begging or pleading or apologising that someone can take. It just tips the power scales too much in your ex's favour and it either gives them a big fat ego boost, or they feel embarassed for you, or they come back out of pity. And none of those options are good for you.

 

So the best thing to do is you've been dumped, even if you feel that you did sooooooooo much wrong and you were such a bad boyfriend/girlfriend (which most dumpees were not awful, they just haven't had the clarity from NC to see things in a neutral way so they blame themselves, the best thing to do is explain that you disagree with the decision because you love and would like to work on any issues that the dumper has instead of breaking up, however, you respect their decision and wish them the best in life. Tell the dumper that the door will be open for a short while if they would like to try again, but from this point forward, you are going to heal and move on and ask that the dumper leaves you alone if reconciliation is not what they have in mind.

[OrangeSlice]

If a girl begged me to not leave, that would give me all the more reason to leave. But then I don't want to be with someone that attached to me. I find it creepy and suffocating.

[delicous]

I did the same thing, a week later we decided to actually end things. Its not that I didn't change, it was that I felt like I didn't mean anything to him because he made me beg. You should never have to beg...Im still learning this stupid lesson 1 year later...I havn't begged for him back ever, but did send way too many emails with my feelings in them. I suggest no contact and I think for me, Im going to do the same with my most recent ex boyfriend. No matter how stubborn I may be, I know it works, so why not do something that will work...Its like anything else...If you get a nice facial cleanser that gets rid of imperfections but it may take up to 2 weeks to start working, why not keep doing it?

 

As soon as you stop the regimen...things start going back to how you didn't want them...I think thats how No contact is...Its HARD AS HELL to do but Must be done in order to really show you secure with yourself and life even if the love of your life isn't in it anymore..

[He2Him]

I would feel in control. Decision to stay or go would depend on other factors as well. But I like being in control. Haha.

[90_hour_sleep]

I would feel in control. Decision to stay or go would depend on other factors as well. But I like being in control. Haha.

 

i have a feeling that this is the most honest answer on the board. and...as far as explanations go...it seems to hit home. relationships are all about dynamics. and sooner or later...they all reach the power struggle. being in control feels good. unfortunately...the need for that control doesn't strengthen relationships. it destroys them.

 

fear of loss is a powerful motivator...but it often leads to one compromising oneself. compromise yourself at your own peril.

[xyzzzz]

did he eventually dump you or you actually made the decision after you begged?

i did it in hoping that this relationship still have the chance to genuinly grow...some of you guys seem to say so but others are more on "i should let it go" part..once broken up,cant go back anymore?

[xyzzzz]

i have a feeling that this is the most honest answer on the board. and...as far as explanations go...it seems to hit home. relationships are all about dynamics. and sooner or later...they all reach the power struggle. being in control feels good. unfortunately...the need for that control doesn't strengthen relationships. it destroys them.

 

fear of loss is a powerful motivator...but it often leads to one compromising oneself. compromise yourself at your own peril.

 

he begged me once first on some stupid thing he did..but i didnt feel i have such power that i can abuse? ;P

but i know what you are saying. from this whole time,and even he begged me, i feel I am always the one that is so dependent on him...i feel he can function perfectly without me but i cant.

[GrowingIn]

when you got mad and not talking to her,did you go so far as to say "we are done" to her?

that's what he said to me at the end of the fight.and after the night i talked ,well more like begged him to give me another chance..

i dont know if he can still feel the same as before though.when he left me to work he seemed still a bit pissed and just hugged me goodbye but not really looking at me. however 3 min after that he texted me saying he still loves me and let's forget and move on..having said that i still dont know how should i face him more on...i hope this can really go away though..can i certainlly hope he doest change his mind 3 hours later ;p

 

 

Yes once or twice I did just that. Reason I said it though was because I KNEW that nothing would change. She never actually took responsibility for her mistakes. I would have to bring them up for her to see them, and then sometimes it would even take a day or two for her to realize it. Problem was even though I could tell she was sorry, she never actually admitted to her mistakes. So I just got fed up with that and one or two times I was actually very serious about being done. I have a feeling this was because she never actually wanted to commit to fixing her mistakes. We did end up making up, and at that point I just decided it was pointless to keep fighting if we were just going to keep making up and just kind of gave up on fighting over issues that were never getting us anywhere. In the end though she flipped it 180 degrees on me, so I know it's possible for you to do the same....that is if you want to be that person. Perhaps she realized that the mistakes she was making, were beyond her ability to actually change or that I was not worth the effort. So she decided to just move on. Perhaps you will reach that state as well.

 

In which case we may end up consoling your bf...

[tresqua]

.i wonder if there is a possibility that he is genuinly back and still loves me as he said..and oh well i have no way to really find out..

 

Sure there is. You call him up and you tell him that you've been thinking, and you over reacted and now you're settled down and you don't want him to be with you just because you begged him, and if he wants out, that's good enough for you because you don't want to spend time with a person who would prefer to be with someone else.

 

I see a few possible outcomes.

 

1-He says "great, I didn't feel good about this anyway, good bye and good luck".

2-He says "I really DO want to be with you, I was just having a bad day" (or whatever reason he wants to put in there)

 

Or some variation of the above.

 

If he wants out, then let him go. If he wants to work on things, leave the clingy, needy, begging thing at the door.

[delicous]

xyzzz----

did he eventually dump you or you actually made the decision after you begged?

i did it in hoping that this relationship still have the chance to genuinly grow...some of you guys seem to say so but others are more on "i should let it go" part..once broken up,cant go back anymore?

 

Yes, I technically did but heres how it went. He grew less communicative and verely touched me and when he looked at me, it wasn't the same look previously. He was withdrawling from me.. He didn't techinically make the decision, I did. I started looking for apartments a few days later because I felt like he was being unfaithful, reasoning for this was because he was going to gym right after work, took his gym bag to work with him prior to leaving to work. He use to get home an hr before I left or at least a half hour before I left to work and that week, he didn't. He didn't keep in touch much, it just felt like he gave up, so I gave up, started looking for a place to live. He went on my computer and saw my search history and confronted me about it. He told me, so you decided to move out anyways, and I said yes, it just doesn't feel right anymore between us. He smirked and walked away. He didn't come home for days in a row and I stayed at my friends place. 2 days in, he called and begged me back..I agreed if he agreed to go to councelling, he did. His step mom came over while I was at work and had a talk with him and basically talked him out of getting back together with me. So whenever I came to see he after work and finally reconcile, he basically changed his mind and re broke up with me again...Thats when it was over for sure

[xyzzzz]

Hey delicous..i got ya..if my bf behaved that way i.d know the result too. but he seems fine.i dont think we kiss as Much as before though but i think its fair? Its only been one day so we both need time to recover.i,ll see how things go..or i can directly ask if he wants to fix it or he,s pity dating me..but lord that,s fear!

[DN]

Don't do anything other than behave in a way that shows you want the relationship to work - don't go revisiting this whole "do you want me" issue it won't serve either of you.

[delicous]

DN is right, whats in the past is in the past. All you two can do is look forward and if you can't old issues will arise in both of you rheads.

I would suggest you go and stay with a friend like what I did just to give him space...But if he isn't acting to closed off, maybe he really

wants to stay with you and if thats the case, good for you, just try to keep a litte bit more busy. Develope a hobby and go see ur family.