After 2 years still not together

[lolotte]

This is the first time I have used this site. Having heard good things about it I thought it was about time I gave it a go.

 

I'm in my mid 20's and still currently married. 2 years ago I became very close to someone at work. At first it was a fantastic friendship and we used to confide in each other about our failing relationships. A few months later we both declared our feelings for each other which was more than friendship. Since then we have become closer and closer and last summer I took the decision to leave my husband as the love for him had completely gone. Since I left my husband I have continued to see the love of my life we are made for each other and have a connection that I will never find with anyone else. He tells me he wants to marry me and move in together but due to finances he is unable to make the move as he lives with his girlfriend. I am not in a better financial situation myself as I am still trying to sell the house with my husband and currently living with my parents. Every night I lay in bed wishing I was with this man. I am worried that the day of us been together will not happen as finances seems to be an issue in everyone's life and doesn't tend to get any easier. I'm of the mind that I will do anything to be with him and would sell everything I owned if I could be with him. He doesn't want that for us, he would like to provide me the lifestyle he thinks I deserve. The thought of him been with his girlfriend makes me feel sick and he assures me that the love has gone and they argue constantly.

 

I guess my question is do I hang on or do I move on?

 

Please help

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Move on. Looks like he has played you. You left your husband for him but he didn't leave his girlfriend for you.

[Tanzi]

Finances are an issue for you both yet you still made the decision to leave your husband. If you can do it so can he. Maybe you should ask yourself why he hasnt. Has he even told his gf that their relationship is over? That would be the fair thing to do, for her sake more than anything else, and it would give her the option to move out. To be honest, if he felt the same way about you as you do him, he would do anything to be with you and sod worrying about the lifestyle he says he thinks you deserve. That is just an extremely lame excuse as he knows you would rather be with him regardless of lifestyle. I don't think this guy has any intention on leaving his gf.

 

So, in answer to your question, I say move on. For goodness sake don't hang on because you will likely be hanging on forever.

[ToF]

He has chosen his girlfriend over you. If things were really that bad between the two of them, he would have left her the minute he found someone better. But he hasn't, so odds are you are wasting your time waiting on him.

 

Additionally, why would he take the gamble of leaving his girlfriend to marry a woman who has already proven to not take marriage vows seriously? if I were him, as hypocritical as it may be in his case, I'd assume that if you cheated on your husband, odds are you will end up cheating on me.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I'm afraid I have to agree. This reminds me of one of my grandfather's old sayings, "if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas." Sorry.

[tresqua]

Rule number one in dating. NEVER get involved with a person who lives with their ex, no matter what reasons they give for it.

[Tanzi]

Rule number one in dating. NEVER get involved with a person who lives with their ex, no matter what reasons they give for it.

 

She isn't his ex. She is still very much his girlfriend.

[nutbrownhare]

Move on.

 

If he hasn't made the effort to leave his girlfriend by now, it doesn't look like he's ever going to. And really, why should he? He's already shown that cheating is perfectly acceptable to him, and he's got you on the side, all devoted to him. Although he shared details of his 'failing relationship' with you, two years later they're still together - whatever he says. Actions speak louder than words.

 

While you're involved with this guy, patiently waiting for something which looks less and less likely to happen, you have no opportunity to start a solidly grounded relationship - with no guilty history - with anyone else.

 

While you say

we are made for each other and have a connection that I will never find with anyone else

is there anything in his ACTIONS which suggests that this is mutual? It honestly doesn't sound like it!

[Miss.Love2u]

Omg please run away. You are being played bad. He loves you but has a girlfriend that he hates but has still bein with her for two years after he told you that omg. He'll never marry you he will never trust you,you cheated on your husband you left you husband for him.and he knows all of this he is just useing you because he knows he can. Sorry please pick up whatever pride you have left and go start your life over.