Can I trust him again?

[5by5]

So I have been friends with this guy for quite a few years. About 8 months ago, we were hanging out and we ended up hooking up and he told me that he had liked me since we met and that he wanted to to keep hanging out with me more and start dating. We kept talking every day for about a week and he kept saying that he really liked me and stuff. His girlfriend of a year had broken up with him about a month before we hooked up and then a week after we hooked up, he suddenly started acting really weird, like he didn't really want to talk to me anymore. I never asked him if anything was going on, I just stopped trying to talk to him. Then I found out that his ex had told him she wanted to get back together.

They started sort of dating but never went back into a relationship. They were together for about two months and she told him that she didn't want to get back together after all but they could still be friends. He kept hanging out with her hoping that she would change her mind but after a few months of this, she told him that they shouldn't talk anymore because she wasn't going to change her mind about him. He had talked to me and we hung out a few times since this went on and he apologized to me for the way that he treated me.

Then just recently, he told me that we should hang out more, so we started talking more and we ended up hooking up again. After that happened he said that he was really sorry again for what happened and that he really messed up but wanted another chance to make things work with me. I said I didn't know because of what happened last time and he said that he still liked me and that we can take it slow.

He has never been the player type and I know all of his close friends and they all said that it is really unlike him to do something like he did to me because he is such a nice guy. I never felt like he was playing me before his ex came back into the picture, but now I keep worrying that he is just going to change his mind again. I can't tell if I am just being paranoid because he seems really sincere about things now. I'm not sure if I can trust that he was just really confused about his ex and just didn't know how to handle the situation or what.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds to me like he runs back to you every time he is feeling lost after he can't get the woman he really wants. He may be a nice guy in other avenues of his life..but as far as this is concerned he is being very selfish and self-centred. He is doing what feels good for him but is not particularly interested in the ramifications of his actions. In short, he is using you because he feels lonely and at loose ends after being dumped. You should not keep hooking up with this guy.

[guynextdoor]

I think you should know after the first time you were his rebound so I'm not sure why you let it happen again. Do you notice the trend that he comes running back to you after a month from his ex? He might sound sincere but look at his actions..

[Beth12]

Sounds to me like he runs back to you every time he is feeling lost after he can't get the woman he really wants. He may be a nice guy in other avenues of his life..but as far as this is concerned he is being very selfish and self-centred. He is doing what feels good for him but is not particularly interested in the ramifications of his actions. In short, he is using you because he feels lonely and at loose ends after being dumped. You should not keep hooking up with this guy.

 

I don't know if that's fair to say because he's only done this once. He just broke up with someone that he had a lot of emotion invested in, I bet. He wasn't over her yet, and he got involved with the OP prematurely. I'd give him another chance and take the relationship very slowly, see if he wants to be with me and he avoids contacting his ex. He does it again, or hints at doing it again, of course kick him to the closest curb.

 

Edit: Am I reading it wrong? It looks like the guy only went back to his ex once, not twice.

[lykarose]

He may be sincere on his feelings for you, he might really love you but he still couldnt let go of his ex, because he loves his ex more. He might want you, but he wants his ex more. He may be a nice person, but not to you. Assess your situation. No one deserves to be number 2.

 

If you think you deserve to be considered as an OPTION, ready to live in fear each time you hear his ex's name, go and continue what you have with him.

 

If you think you deserve something better, then let him go. This guy is really confused. He doesn't really know what he really wants. And if he does, he doesn't have the courage to go after it. He doesn't have the guts to fight for his decisions. That any moment, he can change his mind.

 

Letting him go means giving him the time to breathe, heal and assess his own feelings. Ask him to get back to you once he know the answer. Just be ready. He may be back to take you forever or to wave goodbye...