Do you ever get random flash backs of that "perfect relationship" stage?

[20pence]

Hi guys

 

Backstory: We we together 3 years. We technically broke up in January, however I was then i was strung along for 5 months so i've only really been "getting over it" the last month. So obviously I know i'm not healed yet & probably won't be for a long time but (for now) things are looking up

 

Anyway, this sounds crazy, but I'll be walking down the street or making tea at work and all of a sudden BAM I'll have a flashback to a time in our relationship where we were both really happy. Like, a stupid flashback to a time when he told me he loved me or something.

Or i'll be driving then BAM, i'll have a flashback to a lovely text I'd received from him a year ago or something - it's so random & ridiculous!!!!!

 

OR EVEN (the worst part) i'll have a flashback to a point in our relationship where i didn't say the right thing/didn't act the right way and i'm sat at work/home/out HATING myself thinking "WHY DIDN'T I JUST SAY THE RIGHT THING?!?!?!"

 

It makes me want to cry...

 

I know he's not the same person any more, so why won't these flashbacks stop?

 

Also, how do i deal with these? I can't be running to the toilets to cry every day haha!

I've tried deep breaths, music, thinking about something else...nothing works.

 

G xx](*,)

[ashley2323]

I look forward to the responses to this -- the same thing is happening to me.

[LN1987]

I still have these thoughts to. But god when we first broke up I couldn't go the the movies, walk down the street, go to the gym, go for a run, go the the video store without the tears and memories.

 

It gets better and the thoughts fade, mostly because as much as I want my best buddy back and miss him, you have to think that person is gone, try and focus on the * * * * that happened at the end as that is reality also.

 

I still have many moments, but I am no longer the blubbering mess I was, but yeh sometimes I wish he would be there with me in all those places again

[caseh]

I think its natural to just randomly think of those perfect moments, I had one myself this morning and it made me smile then that went to slightly depressing as I thought A) We were so happy then and B) I wonder if she has ever thought about it since we broke up.

 

I still have these thoughts to. But god when we first broke up I couldn't go the the movies, walk down the street, go to the gym, go for a run, go the the video store without the tears and memories.

 

My ex had an uncanny resemblance to Cameron Diaz first thing in the morning for some reason, I simply don't want to watch films with Diaz in anymore. You're right though, it gets better and the thoughts fade.

 

OR EVEN (the worst part) i'll have a flashback to a point in our relationship where i didn't say the right thing/didn't act the right way and i'm sat at work/home/out HATING myself thinking "WHY DIDN'T I JUST SAY THE RIGHT THING?!?!?!"

 

Oh the old 'After an argument I think about clever things I should have said' Yeah I think everyone suffers from this one, I guess its just one of those things where you try to cover every base then you realise there was one more thing you could have said or done that MIGHT have changed the outcome. Always over-analysing things myself, sometimes its best to think 'f*ck it' and head to the gym, vent some anger on a punch bag.

[Eocsor]

It's normal. I think we all have them. I can tell you from experience it fades in time.

[curious11]

It happens to me evryday. And more so the "I wish I didn't do that" or "I soulda done that" memories.

 

May I ask how you were strung along?

[Confused28645]

Im getting this every day. My brain seems incapable of remembering that in the end he really wasn't much of a catch and was a truly terrible boyfriend. Its like all the bad memories of him have been wiped and I keep remembering things he said or did right at the start of the relationship when it was still in the amazing stage. I don't know why I can't think beyond that. He totally was not that person anymore and was treating me like crap. Ugh. I wish it would stop, its not helping me to move on at all.

[rkw]

For the first month post BU, I could only think of the bad memories leading up to the breakup. But since the anger has started to fade, now all the nice memories are coming back. I remember nice texts, the email he sent me from New Zealand saying he'd been imagining having a family with me for the whole trip, fun holidays, times when he told me he loved me and discussed marriage, when we brainstormed honeymoon destinations. It's really awful and I think I preferred being angry. It definitely made NC easier.

[90_hour_sleep]

It's normal. I think we all have them. I can tell you from experience it fades in time.

 

i dunno...i guess it does fade...but what i've noticed for me is that it doesn't so much fade...it changes. the 'flashbacks' still come...but they're not painful experiences. the emotion is different.

 

i'm a bit out of the loop with this healing thing...but i still have moments where i think back to exes from a LONG time ago. same memories that would've given me all kinds of grief once upon a time...and now they're just these kind of transitory experiences. i actually enjoy them.

 

but i'm crazy.

[Robin2904]

Yup I've experienced it all. The dumbest thing will set me back to a random memory- or sometimes nothing at all and it will just pop into my head. Something we said to one another, even just a look on his face that melted me at the time. They will just pop into my head. They suck. They suck BADLY. The worst is your right- flashing to something and thinking 'WHY DIDN'T I SAY THIS' or 'IF I ONLY WOULD HAVE DONE-blah blah blah- THIS WOULDN"T HAVE HAPPENED! AND MAYBE WE WOULD STILL BE TOGETHER!'

 

DON'T think like that. Easier said then done right? I still do it to myself ALL the time- did it a bunch today. But truth is things probably would have gone bad no matter what! One of the hardest parts for me was blaming myself and saying 'If I would have spoke my mind here' or 'If I would have just said this differently'- I have to literally fight with myself all the time over this.

 

As for the memories- I don't feel like they fade, you just learn to cope with them better over time. I still probably think about him just as much (Okay maybe a little less then I did right after the break up) but I spend a lot of time each day thinking of him lets put it that way- and in the beginning the memories were UNBEARABLE- so bad that all I wanted to do was sleep to not feel the pain. Now- it depends- some memories can even make me laugh or smile. There is a bitter sweetness to a lot of them these days- I am still not over him so I know there is still going to be pain in my heart until I a AM over him (Please soon??? lol) But you learn to cope with these memories over time. Really time is the only thing that helps.

 

 

[Meriem]

They fade with time, I still get those we ALL do after a breakup but the emotions that are atattched to them aren't that stronge, the more days pass by the more my reaction to those flashbacks are just "huh, oh well" and then move on..

[quirky]

I found that the best approach was actually to accept the feeling and go with it. Allow yourself to feel it for 5 min let's say and then you'll do whatever you have to do. I was indeed crying all the time, at the street, going to the toilet at work. Everyone is right, you stop crying too much with time. Don't be scared of the feeling, just accept it and with time it will pass or change form.