How do I let go... again

[AJ-65]

Hi guys

 

I posted here back in December. Now I'm here again and really feeling back at square one.

To cut a long story short, I have been with my BF for 18 months. We bought a house together after only being together for 9 months. It didn't work out living together so we agreed that I would move out and we would just see each other as before. The house went up for sale but he continued to live there. I tried the NC thing and I didn't hear from him either. I went through hell and started reading alot of self help stuff on break ups.

He met and started seeing another girl only a few weeks after I moved out. I was devastated. After we had been apart for 2.5 months I went to the house and invited myself in for coffee. He was very civil and so was I. We had a really good talk and I asked him why he was seeing someone else when we had agreed that we would, after a little time, still see each other. He said that he had been confused about "us" and had been swept away by the fact that she had made a play for him. He didn't love her and he had already made the decision to finish it with her, the day before I turned up. He thought that the fact I turned up that very day must be a "sign"

Anyway, we started seeing each other again. The house was sold and he moved into a rented apartment just two doors away from me.

Everything was going so well, but I did have some insecurities regarding this other girl. She was a member of the motorcycle club where he goes. He said he would leave if ever she turned up when he was there. I wasn't sure if I believed this but had no reason not to either.

It caused some very un-necessary disputes between us,as I did question him rather alot about her and whether he had had any contact with her.

I just don't understand why I couldn't get it out of my system. I was constantly suspicious, really for no reason.

Then last wednesday, I asked him again. He said that she had put a "general" email message on the MC website. And that he had answered it. I asked him if he would have told me, had I not asked. He said he didn't know!

Of course, I cried and ranted and raved. That he knew how I felt about that etc etc.

He left and has now decided it's over.

Just before this, he had been saying how much he loved me, how happy he was that it was me and him.

He now says he just couldn't feel relaxed.

I want to talk with him and he says that we can, but not until I really can!

Please, can any of you give me some words of advice, or encouragement. I don't want to beg or plead with him to give it a chance, again. But I love him and just feel so ashamed of my behaviour.

[beachbum642]

I think he might feel a little bit overwhelmed just by how you acted. I think if you give him a few days for him to calm down and get his thoughts together then you can call him and talk to him. He could have just said those things because he was mad.

[Gina23701]

If you can, try to not bring it up and give him space. During this time, try to treat it as if you two will not get back together so you can focus on yourself. He will probably come around if he has space. Of course, it might be on certain conditions, but at that time you can decide if you choose to go with those conditions.

 

My ex came back to me, but as a friend. It is really weird and I don't know if I can handle this new relationship, but for now I am trying. I don't want to be romantically involved, yet I still miss him being "all over me." He has backed off and I miss that part. I think he wants to date or maybe be fwb. I cannot be a fwb to him, so if I see it going that direction, then I will have to walk away. (just my story)

 

Hugs to you as you go through each moment of the day. As you know, this part sucks, but it becomes more managable.

[AJ-65]

Thanks Gina. Your words really help. I hope things get better/work out for you.